Need Help Behavior seems to be a problem

Janaya Leauntyne - posted on 08/23/2013 ( 3 moms have responded )

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Hello Ladies,
My daughter has just started Kindergarten on this past Thursday. One the first I received a note home from the teacher stating that my daughter was refusing to listen and follow directions. Today marked the second day of school and it seems that we had even more issues such as:
1. not following directions
2. wants to wonder around the class during reading time
3. tells the teacher that she does not want to do something/want the items that have been handed to her4
4. crosses arms and make grunting noises when asked something
5.refused to ask for help or even try to write anything(to the point that they thought something was wrong with her hands)
6.was sent to time out and had a full tantrum during class(administration had to be called into the room)
the issue that I really have is that she does not display these actions at the home. I literally broke down in tears once I was informed of all these things. I feel that the school looks at her as the bad kid and I don't want that to be the case. I want to make sure that she learns everything that she needs to during the school day and displays the values that I have been instilling in her. My heart is broken by her behavior and since I have never dealt with children prior to having her(had her at 26 yrs old and never even held baby before then) I am at a lose. What can I do to help my child I know that it is the second day but I want to be proactive and correct some of this stuff prior to it getting worse. I made a reward chart tonight with her (really her watching while I did it trying to get her involved) I allowed her to put the first star on the board for cleaning her room. What else can I do any help would be great.
Thank you
a mother that loves her kids more than life but is afraid she is failing them

3 Comments

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[deleted account]

I think she is most likely feeling very insecure and out of control, so she is taking control the only way she can--refusing to cooperate. This is VERY common for children in their first fully structured environment, and you mentioned that this was her first time.

Is it possible for you to volunteer in the classroom for a couple of days? A lot of kids benefit from having mom with them while they experience the new routine a couple of times, then maybe on the 3rd day you could just come for lunch, then gradually just lunch once or twice a week until you can eliminate it. This is why "mommy&me" classes, story times, and crafting classes are so popular for moms who chose to skip daycare/preschool. They create that buffer between non-structured home life, and being completely on their own. That said, if you were not able to have her in those activities, it's not a big deal. There is still a lot you can do for her :)

My son is in a public school and while parents are not allowed to stop in or join their children in class without permission, most of our teachers will allow a parent to stay for a day or so and help with routine tasks like stapling, copying, etc. in order to help the child adjust. Just speak with her teacher about it and put create an action plan together. It is important not to focus completely on your child when you are there--go to her if she needs you, but mainly just be present in the background for reassurance--that is why the tasks are kind of important. If you focus too much on her, she'll want you there every day.

Janaya Leauntyne - posted on 08/24/2013

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The Teacher really did not give any methods to connect with my daughter better at school nor did she provide me with any information other than the issues that she had. I tried to ask my daughter questions regarding that day and it seems that she would shut down and not answer my questions. I asked her if she made any friends as she responded yes. My daughter was unable to attend the pre-K program at the school due to the fact that we are a dual military family and were not in the area during the time of the program. This is her first time in an actual structured controlled setting. Please let me know if you have any other advice on what I should request from her teacher in regards to further helping my daughter adjust to this new situation.

Chet - posted on 08/24/2013

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Did the teacher just give you a list of complaints about your child, or does she have some ideas about what is going on and how to handle the situation? If your daughter doesn't act this way at home, it sounds like this is not just a bad attitude or lack of understanding. Is it possible that your daughter is feeling insecure, overwhelmed or unsure of herself at school? What does your daughter say when you talk to her about school? Does she have friends there? She may not be able to recognize and easily discussion complication emotions she'll feeling, but try asking questions like "can you tell me one thing that you really like about school?" and "can you tell me one thing you would like to be different about school?".

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