Need recommendation for 7 year old child's behavior

Mandy - posted on 03/14/2013 ( 1 mom has responded )

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My son is 7 years old. He will be 8 in August. He is constantly getting in trouble at school. The school has a card system. It starts on white-if you misbehave it goes green, yellow, orange and red. Basically you are warned for your behavior, after the first warning you pull card number one so you will be on green and then if you misbehave again it goes to yellow and so on until you get to red. Along with the card pulling there is also punishment. Green-is pretty much a second warning. Yellow= loss of recess, Orange= detention, red= referral.
My son usually pulls at the least 1 card a day. He has multiple days of 3 or 4 cards pulled. And it is typically for the same thing over and over again. "shouting in class", " messing around", "talking when he is suppose to be working", "throwing something at someone on the play ground in an improper way", etc. He receives consequences for his behavior not only at school but at home as well. If he comes home with only 1 card pulled--He is only talked to and can proceed with his activities and school work. If he comes home with 2 he looses free time for the day and if it is 3 or more he looses his whole entire weekend.

Anyway, my system clearly isn't working because there is no improvement being seen. We have an open communication with his teacher. We speak on the phone, via text message, email, and in person almost daily about my sons behavior. We have also had teacher parent student meetings and discussed what needs to change. He gets incentives for doing well. We have tried sticker charts (he can care less about them). We have tried saying "if you don't pull your card all week you get....." It doesn't work. We have tried positive and negative reinforcements in every way possible. We have taking everything away, we have tried giving everything back and allowing him to figure things out on his own. I mean we have honestly tried so much. Rewards don't work, talking to him doesn't work, spanking him doesn't work, yelling at him doesn't work, loosing his weekend doesn't work.

He also has a habit of sneaking out of his room in the middle of the night well after everyone is in bed usually around 2:00-3:00 am and going throughout the house to grab what he wants to take to school with him the next day, which is a form of stealing in my perspective because he hides these things in his shoes, pants, underwear, backpack, etc. He likes to steal quarters--so he can buy pencils from the school store, even though we buy him pencils constantly. Today, he came home with a paper that his teacher gave him and he had actually forged my signature on the paper and tried to erase it so I would not see it, but the eraser he used didn't do the job! When I questioned him why he did it he said "because i was scared you wouldn't want to sign it" It was a library sheet where if you read 5+ books a week you get a free food voucher for a local fast food joint. The funny thing is I sign it weekly for him, so there would have been no reason I wouldn't have signed it today. Overall, I am frustrated and tired.

He is such a sweet little boy with so much energy and love and his father and I just want to help him work through all of this and get on track and it is so hard. This all started happening at the end of 1st grade so about april of 2012 and now he is in second grade about to finish in June. Please any help would be wonderful and appreciated! We are desperate.

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Chastisy - posted on 03/15/2013

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Hi
I understand your pain I also have a 7 year old with impulse problem. Have you talked to the teacher or your doctor about ADHD? My daughter has had things happen at school, but the hardest part was dealing with her myself at home. Children with (as far as I know personally) ADHD can seem very selfish and almost like they dont care what you have to say. Maybe you could even say greedy or that it feels like its completely intentional because you know they are smart enough to understand direction. Like the kitchen issue you explained, I had a similar problem but with my daughter it was money. Change or some times even dollars if she found it she would keep it as if it belonged to her. That feels an awful lot like its intentional and like its stealing. But with my own experience its all sensory problems and impulse problems caused by ADHD. My daughter is on meds now and the results were amazing! But believe me I understand if you are hesitant I personally believe that people are too quick to stick kids on meds but in this case it solved the problem. I guess that why I waited so long to have her tested. I did not want her to be a zombie but f it truly is ADHD they don't get like that!
I hope it helped some
and good luck with everything

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