Non kid related...dress or jeans?

Ricki - posted on 03/25/2010 ( 22 moms have responded )

101

17

12

Here's the story: my husbands best friend is having a wedding ceremony this weekend. They're already married, they went to Arkansas (we live in OK) and had got married at a court house a few months ago. My husband went with them at that time as a witness and is now the best man at the ceremony. Neither of us like the woman, she doesn't like us and she has absolutely no respect for me. My husband and I are a mixed couple (he's bi-racial, btw, half white and half black) and she can't stand the fact that he and I are married. The one time she was at my house, she completely disrespected me, let her kids run crazy thru my home without discipling them at all. I caught one carrying my oldest daughters piggy bank around, looking for a place to open it. I asked, so I know that's what he was doing. I didn't understand why they had to drive 2 hours to have a civil ceremony in the first place and now they're having a ceremony that her husband (my hubby's best friend) has said it's gotten way out of control. The men are wearing tuxes, which she initially said they would pay to rent. Then went back and said no, we're not paying for it and by the way, I picked out a more expensive one for you. I have no problems what so ever with my husband best friend, I actually really like him. But I can not stand his wife. Neither myself nor my husband trust her. There's something about her that just rubs me the wrong way. I've tried to like it, but can't.

Soo...wow, long story for a simple question. I don't own any dresses. I don't wear them (I'm a stay at home mom and all my previous jobs required either jeans or khakis) so I don't waste my money on them. And since we're now having to pay almost $100 for his tux, it's gonna leave us strapped. Derek (my hubby) has said if it wasn't Doyle (his bf) he wouldn't even be in the wedding at this point because of some of the things she has said and done.

Is it petty that I will not spend any money on a dress to wear? I have very nice jeans, very nice heels, and very nice blouses. I don't have many clothes, but when I buy something, I make sure it's nice (did I mention that I hate to shop for clothes?) She already doesn't like me, so should I even worry about wearing a dress??

One more point: my husband and I also had a civil ceremony in our hometown, where they also live.

This conversation has been closed to further comments

22 Comments

View replies by

Samantha - posted on 03/29/2010

21

12

1

i understand where yre coming from but if it means alot to yre hubby that yre there when why not put on a nice black pair of trousers with a simple blouse.it looks smart.dont feel pressurised into putting on a dress if yre not comfortable and you dont have much money either.good luck.

Tina Marie - posted on 03/29/2010

15

1

1

you are very welcome ms. ricki!!! i am super excited that you didnt have to lay her out...lol...and that you got to be comfortable!!!!

Kimberley - posted on 03/28/2010

11

7

0

I think as long as you have something appropriate to wear and you cant financially afford it dont do it. If they are friends they will accept you and appreciate the fact that you came. As for her she doesent like you anyways so you are not there to impress her you are there for your husband and his friend. As long as you look presentable no worries!!

Ricki - posted on 03/28/2010

101

17

12

Well, we went. I wore jeans, dress boots and a nice shirt. I was completely comfortable (even though I sat by myself! Yay for Independence!!) I will say the wedding turned out pretty nice, the reception was fun, the food was great!! And let's face it, isn't the food and cake the real reason any of us to go weddings?
Bridezilla didn't speak to me except once "Thank you" when I said her dress was pretty. And she was cornered, considering Derek and I were transporting Doyles kids to the reception.
Janine-Derek (my hubby) and Doyle (the friend) will continue to be friends. And as his best friend, Derek has freely given his opinion on his wife. Not in a mean, condescending way, but when he himself has witnessed her treatment of Doyle. We both hope it works out, that he's happy, and maybe she just acts like that around other people. Who knows. To each their own, right?
Thank you ladies, for your help and opinions. Oh--side note: I wasn't the only one in jeans!! There were at least 4 of us!!

Janine - posted on 03/28/2010

29

0

4

You know that you could let your husband and his friend maintain the friendship and you don't have to have anything to do with his wife. You could just say to your husband that he can see his mate whenever he wants for "guy time" but you don't really have to have anything to do with his wife at all.

I would go to the wedding in my nicest clothes I own. If those are nice jeans, heels and blouse then so be it. I am a dress/skirt person and would be wearing a dress or a skirt but that is me. (oh I don't do heels lol, so I would be wearing flats ROFL)

Have you got a chance to look through an op shop - you would be surprised at some of the things that are sold in op shops. You might be able to get something there if you were uncomfortable in jeans. Although it doesn't sound like you are - so go as you feel comfortable.

Margo - posted on 03/27/2010

42

12

2

Ok sorry I have to elaborate. What I ;am saying is make a stand, you don't have to pretend it is all going to be fine and he is not either going to stop hanging out with your husband or divorce this bitch within the year. If you truly like this guy it behooves you to tell him bridezilla is not right for him. It is my "opinion" that my time is too precious to waste being miserable for someone who disrespects me in my own home.

Margo - posted on 03/27/2010

42

12

2

If it were me, I would let my husband go and stay home in my jeans. Send a gift. Perhaps a book on how to discipline your children.

Leslie - posted on 03/27/2010

85

6

0

I would wear the nicest outfit you have, whatever that is. I don't blame you for not wanting to shell out a lot of money on an outfit for this wedding. I wouldn't want to either.

One thing that did pop into my mind, though, was a consignment shop. I know that you could probably find a pair of black slacks, that you could use for other events too, very very inexpensively. I'm talking less that 5 bucks probably, at least that's what I have found where I live. I'm by no means saying that you need to do it, just that you could if you decided to.

Seems wrong that your husband is having to deal with all of this- and in turn you too. Good luck with getting through the wedding.

Rebecca - posted on 03/27/2010

556

41

55

from what i have read, she will criticise whatever you wear, so wear what you want. i do wonder why your husband's best friend is marrying a racist tho!

Ricki - posted on 03/27/2010

101

17

12

OH and guess what? My husband just told me that he's no longer best man...he's the last grooms man. He found this out last night at the rehearsal. Bridezilla didn't like the fact my husband was BM so made her husband change it. Yes, I know, the man needs to freakin' step up. We've already spent the money on the tux or my husband would've bowed out.

Ricki - posted on 03/27/2010

101

17

12

Nice, Patricia. We're already "sucking it up." If it wasn't his best friend he wouldn't be in the wedding. Bridezilla told my husband she would pay for the tux because he told her flat out that we don't have the money too. Then 2 weeks ago she turns around and says Hey guess what? I'm not paying for your tux and I chose a more expensive VEST for you to wear. I don't have a little black dress and no dress slacks. I do not spend money on clothes for myself due to the fact that times are tough right now. When I buy something, I make sure it's practical. And like I mentioned before, I had actually planned on buying something BUT she's gone back on her word and made us shell out the $100, part of which I planned on buying something with. Quite frankly, I don't give a damn how much your shelling out for your brother in law's wedding.

Patricia - posted on 03/27/2010

85

4

3

Nobody forced your husband to be in this wedding he agreed to so I say suck it up. For the friendship your husband and this man share.Good friends are hard to come by. Be one to your hubbys friend even if you do not like the Bridezilla. Every woman in my opinion should have a little black dress! Also a nice pair or dress pants for Holidays, funerals etc.. You could pair them with one of your blouses and heels.Always be the better person you will feel better if you do. Life is short. Good luck.Be thankful you do not have to shell out nearly as much I my husband and I are going to have to for his Brothers wedding out in Cali but its his brother.

Ricki - posted on 03/27/2010

101

17

12

It's not because I don't like her that I would wear jeans. It's that we've already spent money on the tux and jeans is all I own. I don't have the extra money to dish out on clothes right now. If we hadn't had to pay for the tux, not too mention the higher tux she chose at the last minute, I planned on buying something. But now....It would put us in a really bad place financially.

Kekua - posted on 03/27/2010

227

14

51

Honestly, I would wear whatever is the "nicest" outfit that you own. Because even though you can't stand her, it's not just her wedding. Do it for your husband's best friend. I'd be really disappointed if a friend of mine showed up to my wedding not wearing something nicer than jeans b/c she didn't like my husband-to-be.

Tina Marie - posted on 03/26/2010

15

1

1

and it awesome feeling when you know she is scared....lol!!! and even if you ahve some nice flipflops...where those...shoot be comfy!!! another thing i thought about...shop around on the tux....every once in a while u can find one that looks almost the same for much much less!! also if you haul off and lay her out...her hubby will come around and be understanding....he might be a little upset at first but in the end he will see things from your side. i had to go through something similar with my bff's ex bf. i could NOT stand him. he was just a plain @$$. girl please keep me updated on how things are going.

Ricki - posted on 03/26/2010

101

17

12

Hahahahah ohhhh that's funny Tina!! I might just do that! I'm also a tomboy, which is why I have ZERO dresses! And I would've knocked her out, but I like her husband and respect him. Plus I've not been around her since she came to my house so that made it easy. My husband, on the other hand, sees her every time he picks up his friend for the gym...And he has issues with his mouth, tends to go off around stupid people. And she's at the top of his list. He's let her have it a few times,when she's tried talking to him like she does her husband. She's afraid of my husband because he's "unpredictable." Basically, she can't control him.

Tina Marie - posted on 03/25/2010

15

1

1

i say wear the nice jeans and blouse heel combo....note this is coming from a "tom-boy" jeans and t-shirt flip-flop in the winter kinda girl...lol and im also the one that probably would have already knocked the crap out of this woman for what she has done and said...but thats me!!! but i totally agree with elizabeth and i wouldnt worry about her day" as much as being there for the groom who is your hubby's and your's friend....he who is important to you...all else fail make a shirt that says " im only here for the cake" lol good luck girl and take care

Elizabeth - posted on 03/25/2010

95

52

19

I have worn a nice pair of slacks and a nice shirt to a wedding I think it should be ok.

Ricki - posted on 03/25/2010

101

17

12

I'm not worried about feeling comfortable. And I could care less about her opinion of me. BUT it is "her" day and I don't want to be disrespectful of "wedding customs" I guess. Is it appropriate to wear jeans to what I assume is a formal wedding, since the men will be in tuxes?

Elizabeth - posted on 03/25/2010

95

52

19

I meant do not go out of your way to please this woman... Be kind to your hubby's friend and show your support for his happiness but don't fret over wearing the proper attire, why should you? Your already throw out money for the tux and you've mentioned that has made you strapped for cash. Don't worry about what SHE will think and be happy in your on skin and do what feels best for you.

Ricki - posted on 03/25/2010

101

17

12

I don't want to. But my husband says he needs me there, for his sanity sake.

Elizabeth - posted on 03/25/2010

95

52

19

Really does it matter if you wear a dress or not?? It's your body your choice and that lady sounds like a hag... So I say be respectful but don't go all out... I know I wouldn't.. Not for someone like her..

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms