Pre- K teacher issues...advice please.

User - posted on 05/02/2012 ( 3 moms have responded )

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Hi everyone,
I am desperately looking for some advice/opinions on some issues i am having at school. My daughter is 4 and a half years old and attends a public school pre-k.
A few months ago her teacher told me that my daughter woke up crying from nap, saying one of the other kids hit her with a lego at the lego area. The teacher said she asked the assistant and the assistant said no everyone just woke up. She said my daughter was crying alot and she asked her why are you making up stories why are you lying. When i got home i questioned my daughter and all she could tell me was, mommy i was lying i was lying. At that point she didnt know what a lie was, i am pretty sure she told one or many but she doesnt know the effective of one. That bothered me that they told her that. I would think she was having a bad dream because it happens at home, she would wake up crying and sometimes cry in her sleep if shes having a bad dream. I went in the next morning and told the teacher that i think she was having a bad dream, she said ok she will keep watching her.
Then a few weeks after that, one of her classmates spat on her and i saw it, this happened while they was waiting for parent to pick them up. My daughter was so eager to tell the teacher what he did, she went to her and tried telling her and the teacher told her, you two play nice and stop complaining. I was right there behind another parent and when the teacher saw me her face totally changed. So, i went in again the next morning to tell her what had happen and that my daughter was trying to tell her that, i told her me and the mom solved the spitting issue and i just wanted to let her know my daughter was trying to say that to you. I felt like i needed to do that because what if it happens in class and im not there, is she going to react that same way? She didnt seem pleased that i approached her and she made the spitting issue the center of the problem and not the fact that she didnt listen to my daughter.
Usually the teacher is nice with me, she would smile or she might tell me something that they are doing in class but from that day i went to her, she changed.
Another day when i went to get my daughter she told me , that this was my daughters day, she said, she kept saying kids are bothering her and hitting her and they are not because she have been watching her all along the day and they are not doing anything to her. She said that she told her, you know your mother dont like anyone doing you anything so dont say anyone else is doing anything to you. She said during story time she said she didnt like the story and she put her to sit by herself. I told her that this behavior is new to me and i dont see this happening at home or with any of her playdates. I told her since she started school she picked up on some attitudes and im thinking its normal. The teacher said maybe something is going on at home, but nothing has changed in my home.
After that day things got more intense because i just wasn't seeing the girl she said my daughter was at school, i do believe her but im not sure whats causing her to be like that. I didnt hear anything more complains like that after a few weeks.
Recently i went down to drop her off, and i asked the teacher, did you all do any new projects....she goes, i dont have time to explain everything we do to every parent and she walked out on me in class, infront of her assistant and the kids, i just turned around and left because i felt so bad. She hasnt been nice to me since then at all and im trying to figure out what i did wrong.
Whenever i happen to go downstairs to drop my daughter off, (cause usually they get them upstairs but sometimes when we are late we take them down) she leaves or she has her face set up in an angry mode.
Yesterday she told me that my daughter woke up from nap and cried for a good 20 mins and said that she wants to go home, she wanted her mommy and daddy. I asked her so what did you say to her, she said the assistant handled it. When my daughter got home we asked her why she was crying and she said she wanted to come home. Then she said when she was crying the assistant said stop crying stop crying but i was still crying....
This morning my husband was going to talk to the teacher and when the security saw them come in she said to one of the helpers...is this the one? and the helper took my daughter and took her down and my husband didn't get to go down. So im thinking because of yesterday the teacher probably knew we would wanna talk to her about it and asked them to bring her down.
Another thing i wanted to mention. My daughter won a crazy hat contest in both pre k class and no one ever told me about it. Three weeks after i asked the teacher who won and she told me my daughter, i said how come you never told me, she said because she didnt want the parents to get jealous or the kids to feel unfair because no one else made a hat at home. That's not our problem, we made the effort to work with our child, we should be known of that. Just like she likes saying the negative stuff tell us the positive stuff too. Also she is one of the youngest in class, most of the kids are already 5 and my daughter reads, i never hear anything about it, unless i ask about it. I don't understand what is the teacher problem is.
My husband and i are thinking to get the school social worker to observe our daughter in class, because we are definitely not getting any feedback except negative ones from her teacher.
I also want to mention, she is very good at teaching, she teaches very well and my daughter learns alot. Its the other things besides learning, the communication, sometimes how she speaks to the kids.
Any advice on this? What step should we take? My husband got so angry today he wanted to take her out of school but why should we run away from a problem with the teacher, i feel we might be doing her more harm than good. please help!

3 Comments

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Cherry - posted on 09/11/2012

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Its just pre K, gosh remember when we were kids and the world did not end just because we didnt go to pre prek or pre k or any type of daycare since being 6 weeks old....this world has forgotten who is important here...the kids and the parents....these are our kids that came out of our bodies and we should be very capable of having our kids at home until they start K..real school.... so first of all i would pull her out....you dont have to go thru this with some crazy ass old ass teacher..... she doesnt like your daughter because she is not like the other kids that may be more outgoing and not so sensitive...all kids are not the same the personalities are gonna be different....teachers are not taught how to deal with different personalities so they wont teach other kids that. im taking my son out for a simular reason.

User - posted on 05/03/2012

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This pre k is in a public school. We addressed the matter to the principal and it didnt go well at at all. I am not sure what the teacher told the principal but when she spoke to my husband and i she said that our relationship (the teacher and i) wont be able to mend so just keep it professional. I dont like the outcome of it but as long as my daughter is happy and is being treated well then thats all that matters.

Jenn - posted on 05/03/2012

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I would go to the director of the center not to the actual teacher if you feel things are getting worse instead of resolved. I was a pre-k teacher for years and can honestly say children do act differently when away from the parents they do try to push the boundaries a bit so if your daughter is seeing this behavior from other children she may try it also especially if she is trying to tell the teacher and nothing is happening. I wouldn't pull her out because once she is in public schools that is not a possibility so I would definitely try to set a meeting with the director the teacher you and your husband as much as it does involve your child do not include her in the meeting express all of your concerns in the meeting with out attacking the teacher be sure to point out her positive qualities as well. Express that you understand how difficult her job can be but your concerns are AB&C

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