Problem with my SELF...

Brittany - posted on 05/22/2011 ( 5 moms have responded )

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I have 3 kids, ages 9, 6, and almost 5. I think I have too high of expectations. I want them to behave in the grocery store, just to walk along side me and not scream and play and junk. I want them to not play hide and seek inside and run around wildly. I want them to not leave the caps off markers and chew on the ends. Simple requests in my eyes that when they don't do them, I go to flippin pieces. I don't cry or anything either. I go to their room and guilt trip and hollar and make a big fuss. I understand they're kids and will do what makes them happy, but I just want order and peace!! I'm always here, so I'm sure that has something to do with it, I just don't like being this way.... Its been worse here in the last month or so, and the kids are getting to where they'll avoid spending time with me because I'll go off about something. I don't want to be angry, I just don't know what the cause is to eliminate it. Help me!! I don't wanna be the 'mean mommy' anymore!!

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Cynthia - posted on 05/28/2011

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girl you need a chill pill. i take zoloft. go see a doctor. believe me chemical problem are real and it could be as easy as taking a pill.

Lissa - posted on 05/22/2011

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Just wanted to add you should feel very proud of yourself! You have recognised things aren't as they should be, understanding that you need to fix it and doing something about it.

Lissa - posted on 05/22/2011

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Firstly I would ask are you being controlling because you feel that something else is out of control and this is your way of coping? Think about why you feel you are going over the top about things.
Sit down and think about what is really important to you, think about your rules. Do you have set rules which all of your children understand, are they reasonable for their age?
Going out, tell them before hand what behaviour you expect from them. Shopping is boring for us never mind kids so do something fun afterwards like lets go shopping and if you behave as I've asked we'll make cookies.
Take things one at a time, explain when we have finished with something we clean it up before we move on to the next thing. So if you're drawing when they are done remind them to put the lids back on. Chewing pens is never a good idea so tell them nicely it may leak over everything and give them sore bellies if they swallow the ink so it's not allowed tell them you will take them away if they continue.
Remember children are not listening when we are shouting all they hear is blah blah blah. If you feel like it all getting on top of you take Mum time out, go to another room, calm down and think about why the situation upset you. If you do this you aren't just reacting, you are approaching the situation reasonably.
If you feel you need some quiet time set something up for them to do and tell them you are going to have some quiet time and will be back in a little while. Go to another room, have some tea/coffee, read a little, whatever.

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Klara - posted on 05/26/2011

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kids will be kids, and somehow you need to find a way to deal with that. Maybe simply some time away might help? Absence really does make the heart grow fonder. If you cannot afford a sitter, some places have co-ops where you trade babysitting to allow you some time away. I'm not saying you do or don't have these issues, but if those things bother you that much, it could be a form of OCD or even depression. I'm sure 3 kids can be overwhelming. If your kids are noticing it and avoiding you, its definitely time to do something. I would suggest a counselor or psychiatrist that can better determine if you just need a break or have a medical issue that needs to be treated. Parenting is hard enough, but dealing with medical issues such as depression makes it that much more difficult. You and your kids deserve for you to be happier and more easy going. It can get better if you seek help. Some family practitioners may even be able to help if your doctor knows you well. Take care, good luck, and God bless you!

Karen - posted on 05/24/2011

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You just need some suggestions. My kids did the same thing at the grocery store. Make them all walk while holding onto the cart. don't let them see you are frustrated. Just start out that as soon as you get the cart. They need to have their hands on it. You want to get your shopping done so they can go home and play. Tell them it will take a lot longer if they don't listen. As for the markers, I set a rule. They can only color/draw/paint/ect at the table. They must be there. If they let the lids off and the markers dry up I don't go buy more right away. They go to the trash and that is that. You could put something icky tasting on the lids of the next pack you buy and tell them it's the maker of the markers' way of preventing kids from hurting their teeth. lol.As for the yelling at them and stuff. When you get too stressed out, try to find a way to laugh with them. We look at clean kid friendly youtube videos, or find jokes together. something to get us all laughing. Try anything you can to eliminate how much you yell. It feels good for a few seconds, but it makes things worse. They too feel that stress and become worse as time goes on. I'm in the process of changing my ways too. So don't feel bad. We just see it as the easy way out. If I catch myself yelling at the kids I will throw a funny joke in there to lighten them up as fast as I can. Then we all laugh and forget about it and happily go off playing. Look into ways to calm yourself down. Take a time out in the bathroom or your room to throw out the stress. I find laying down for a few minutes helps until I can muster up how to handle the situation calmly. it's going to take time but you can do it. And you aren't alone either.

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