Relocating... am I a bad mother??

Tiya - posted on 11/22/2009 ( 8 moms have responded )

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I have 2 boys with different dads, and my oldest just went 10yrs old and my youngest is 3mths. my first son's dad is a local guy who has always been in his life but not so much financially.



My new hub and I are on the verge of moving halfway around the world to work for a few years more or less, and I am taking my boys with me so my oldest can get the education he deserves and to open his eyes to a whole new world.



I told his dad yesterday he was heartbroken of course, but we live on a small island that is way too expensive and the education system is so far behind that children tend to grow up with limited knowledge of what the world has to offer. He knew I would end up leaving one day just not so soon, but that is just how it worked out unfortunately.



My son and his dad have a great relationship and he has 2 other kids but this is his 1st born and only son, am I wrong to go so far away to better my child and have him experience something truly amazing away from this small minded island???

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Michelle - posted on 11/25/2009

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When my ex and I divorced the divorce decree said neither of us could leave the state we were living in with the children without giving the other parent 6-weeks notice and they had to approve of the relocation. As long as he doesn't take you to court over this and approves the relocation I think it is a great chance for your son to experience the world from a different perspective.

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AMBER - posted on 11/28/2009

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I THINK THAT U R LOOKING @ EVERY ASPECT SO IF U CHOOSE 2 GO MAYBE U CAN JUST HELP PROVIDE TRIPS BACK 2 SEE HIS DAD I SUPPORT CHILD SUPPORT BUT UR SON DOSENT NOW THAT DIFFENCE WHEN HE MAY MISS HIS DAD.

Linda - posted on 11/25/2009

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You are about to make a very brave decision, as I feel from your notes that you really want to go to make a better life for you and your children with their new father. Take the plunge, even though this is a new venture for your and your husband, our children are the future and their education is the most important aspect in their lives. Your father will miss you and he will always be there for you but he is a grown man and I am sure he does not want to hold you back. Your son's father will understand you will want a better life for his son and shouldn't consider holding you back. He made a new life. I wish you all the best whichever decision you make. Lin.

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Relocating and bad mother? I relocated all my life and don't hold it against my parents.

Yes, it is hard when another parent is involved, but there are holidays (extended ones) where the father can come over or the son can stay for several weeks on end. There is also e-mail and Skype.

My daughter knows her German father very well, but has only ever met him once. We Skype once a week with him. He lives in South Africa, we live in Germany.

Do what is best for the whole family and the father son relationship will still remain strong.

Kekua - posted on 11/22/2009

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it sounds like you live where I live! (hawaii)
I don't think you're doing wrong by either of them. Wherever you go, whether he likes the place or not, your son is going to get a life lesson just by experiencing someplace new for a while. That's an awesome thing. I would just say that you've gotta talk about it with your son so knows what's coming and how he's not losing dad and all that stuff.

Lindsay - posted on 11/22/2009

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I would say let him have the best of both. Take him with you so you are able to better provide for him and let him spend part of his summer and holiday breaks back home visiting with dad.

Vanessa - posted on 11/22/2009

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childrens needs should always come first, and although he needs his dad, he also needs an education and a good life,,,do what you think is best, i'm sure everything will work out

Beth - posted on 11/22/2009

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I agree that it's heartbreaking to take your child away from his father especially if they are close. However you need to keep his best interests in mind. If he'll get a better education elsewhere then I say go for it. You can always get yourself and your son's dad web cams and they can see each other and chat in real time that way. It sucks, but it's better than nothing.

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