Should I consider holding my son back a grade?

Nicole - posted on 01/19/2011 ( 9 moms have responded )

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Let me start at the beginning.
My son's birthday is 9/15, the cut off date for school where I live. He started pre-school at the age of 3 due to speech development problems (which were resolved), that pre-school program will only allow a child to stay in the program for 2 years. At the age of 4 we were forced with a decision, send him to Kindergarten at the age of 4 (turned 5 a month in) or to go a full year with no school. Since he was used to the school routine and excelled we decided that it would be more beneficial to send him then to wait a full year.

Now....he is 6 and in 1st grade. He is brilliant, but I see that he is not as mature as the other kids. I believe he gets bored with the work because it is easy for him, he socializes a lot in class, likes to be the class clown, doesn't listen very well when verbally warned by the teacher. They have a card system in place for disciplinary actions, green card, yellow card, and red card. They are give a couple of warning before having their green card pulled, then yellow which a note is sent home to the parent to sign, and red goes to the principals office. He gets his green card pulled majority of the days, and has had his yellow card pulled twice this year.

His older sister is complete opposite, never had her card pulled....ever. So I unfortunately compare his disciplinary situation to hers, but still feel like I'm not getting through to him.

What my question is, should I consider having him repeat 1st grade so that he will be more on the social level of the other kids? The work will bore him even more and he may feel ashamed with his friends and other students, or do I let him move forward and hope for the best?

I just don't want to continue having behavioral problems for the next 11 years?

Suggestions?

9 Comments

View replies by

User - posted on 01/21/2011

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I had the same decision to make. My son is September baby also. He is the youngest in the class and was very immature in 1st grade also. I figured I would give him the opportunity to try 2nd grade and I am happy I did. He is doing well and I have only received one bad phone call. Very good compared to around 3 or 4 last year, and it was pretty minor. However if he did not do well this year I would have held him back. I wouldnt want to hold him back later, like in 6th grade for example. Older kids are not kind about things like that.
I also enrolled him in some swimming classes over the summer and let him play a sport during the school year. I think that helped alot. He learned more of what was acceptable behavior and helped get his energy out. Perhaps some extra chores or work at school could help him to. If the teacher can help keep him busy he wont have time to fool around, it will also make him feel good about helping. Maybe feeling important (by helping) he wont feel the need to make everyone laugh to make him feel good. Good luck

Sherri - posted on 01/21/2011

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Hold him back now. You don't want to have to do it in 5th or 6th grade and devastate him. Trust me go with your gut instinct. The school pushed my son ahead against my best judgment and now he is the one suffering because I didn't fight hard enough for his best interests. He makes the cut off by 2 wks.

Keisha - posted on 01/21/2011

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I'm actually in the same situation. My son's 5th B-day was 1 day before the cutoff and now he's in 1st grade and is the youngest kid in all 3 first grade classes at his school. Holding him back would definitely make the situation worse. Not only will he be embarrassed...and little kids are mean...the work would be waaaay to easy for him. I suggest talking to the teacher to see if he can get modified work and spending more time in the classroom just to see exactly what he's doing. Teachers tend to think that the kids who may socialize or are less focused cant handle the advanced work. That's one of the problems I'm having with my son's teacher, she never considered giving him harder work. After I realized that by spending as much time in class as I could I told her that I wanted him to move up a level and he's doing fine with the more challenging work.

Candace - posted on 01/21/2011

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He might be able to test up a grade. He gets in trouble because he is bored. He needs more work or to go up a grade. My son had the same problem some until he started being challenged.

STEPHANIE - posted on 01/20/2011

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My oldest son was almost exactly like yours.... including the 9/15 birthday. He is now 12 years old, and we're going through the "teenage rebellion" issues. But, when he was in first I asked the teacher to give him extra work, let him read a book, anything to keep him busy. It worked. Also, depending on where you live, some schools have a gifted program that he might qualify for and that will help take up some extra time.

[deleted account]

I agree w/ the others. If he is acting out due to boredom from the work being too easy.... holding him back may increase the problem.



I wouldn't just 'hope for the best' though. The issues he is having need to be addressed. Sorry that I don't have any advice on HOW to address the issues.

Janet - posted on 01/20/2011

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I totally agree with Lissa, if he is bored maybe he is acting out because of it. talk to his teacher get him assessed by a professional. Holding him back may do more harm than good. Also make sure you talk to your son about why he is behaving the way he is, there may be other reasons.

Candy - posted on 01/20/2011

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I wouldnt, it may make it worse. Talk to his teacher. See if when he finishes his work he can bring another workbook from home he can work on. Maybe the teacher can have little jobs for him to do while everyone else finishes. Make sure he understands why his color is pulled and why he is getting in trouble. Do you punish him at home to for his color being pulled? Mine know if they get red at school their butt will be red when they get home. If they get warning we will talk about why and how to solve the problem. There are always two sides to every story then the truth. Find out why he feels he is acting out. If he is bored you and that teacher have to come up with a better way to handle this. Holding him make will make it worse and he will be lonly because he has already made friends.

Lissa - posted on 01/19/2011

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If you believe he is acting out due to being bored have you considered getting him assessed? Talk to your sons teacher and voice your concerns. Holding him back a year when he is already bored with easy work will IMO be detrimental.

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