Someone Help! Anyone already have the "body changing" talk with their daughter???

Ashley - posted on 03/11/2012 ( 19 moms have responded )

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My daughter will be 9 in September. She is a big girl, but has been classified ADHD(havent we all, at one point) Anyway, I have been stressing like crazy about when and how to have the period talk with her. I never had one with my mom. One of my girlfriends daughts just got hers last week, and shes 8! My other friend has already had a (very blunt) talk with her daughter. I dont want to scare her, but i want her to be ready. Then again.. Im not ready. Someone please help me. Do i get a book and "be one of those parents?" Ive come to realize that waiting unitl 5th grade health class probably isnt a realistic idea. Thanks alot!

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Ashley - posted on 03/25/2012

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Thanks again everyone! All your comments really helped and made me realize that im not the only one. I did go out and buy a book called "top secret" for girls only...(they had one for boys, too, but i figured the hubby can take care of them:)....Its actually a really cute book, not only does it explain what a period is w/ pictures, it also goes into peer pressure, cliques, mean girls and a lovely chapter titled " my moms driving me crazy!", all informative stuff, however not too invasive with the whole whats sex and how to do it...anyway, so i went into her room with the book, and briefly went over the main things that are going to happen. I didnt get into very much indepth detail b/c i dont really think she fully understands, but at least if it does happen soon, she can remember" hey mom talked about this, and its ok" she was so funny at one point, when i was explaining the hairy legs and armpits..so on. She looked at me and said "oh..Im gonna turn into a boy girl!!" Its was hilarious! At the end of our convo, I gave her the book and told her to read it whenever shed like and if she had any kind of questions, she can come to me. Oh and she did :)

Amy - posted on 03/31/2012

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Now is the time. Get the book "The Care And Keeping of YOU!" by American Girls and get the conversation started. It's a wonderful book - she will like it and thank you for letting her know what's to come.



She won't be scared if you calm and kind. Good luck!

Alicia - posted on 03/19/2012

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I haven't read the books :( However I have kept a very open communication w/ my girls. My YD started at school (she's 10) and neither of us were prepared!! However it was just the start of the bleeding that scared her. She is a drama queen to begin w/ so I didnt think anything of it. She came in one day and told me she couldnt go to the bathroom (should have been a red flag for me, but since my OD who is 12 hasnt started yet I wasnt concerned). I know its a little scarey but I would much rather my girls feel comfortable talking to me about things rather than their friends because I dont know what they are telling them.



Take a deep breath...it will be ok.

Ashley - posted on 03/14/2012

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I think the most scary part are my OWN nerves!. lol Im going to the book store tomorrow and hopefully if all goes well, Ill be talking to her tomorrow night. Uh.. god help me. Thanks for all your help!

Carolyn - posted on 03/12/2012

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Hi Ashley,

I had "the talk" with my daughter when she started Kindergarten. I did this then because she'd be sharing a playground with older kids and needed to know what was appropriate behaviour between people and which parts of her body were not to be touched or displayed.

If I have my period and she is in the bathroom with me and notices it I quite simply say that it happens to every woman, I bleed for a few days and then it stops. I believe "normalising" it this way will make it not so scary when she starts menstrating.

My Mum started "the talk" too late - I was 12 and didn't want to listen to anything she had to tell me...I already "knew" everything.

When you start don't go into too much detail. Small bits first...leave that a few days to absorb and process, then ask if she has any questions.

It is not just ONE TALK...but an open communication where she needs to feel comfortable about asking a question and getting an honest answer.

All the best!

19 Comments

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Beth - posted on 06/14/2013

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go for the American girl book " care and keeping of you" and go through it with her and answer questions.

When girls get their period has a lot to do with when their mothers go it and their body fat percentage. The lack of body fat is why athletes( particularly gymnasts ) cycles come late and or stop.

TJ - posted on 06/08/2013

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to Cecilia Bailey - posted on 06/01/2013

No offense meant, but did you bother to read all the comments made on the article which link you provided? I just did, and not a single commentor agrees with the alleged "facts"... and some post rebuttal links, mention research they have done, etc. One even states "My dad was hardly ever around and I got my period at 14 and half. I play tennis super seriously, 5 hours a day and was ranked top 10 in the country. Most girls don't exercise enough and eat bad foods, that's why. Since I exercise so much I got my period late." -- first hand experience.

By no means is the "scientific discovery" correct, especially as the author also says "Girls who had insecure attachments to their mother achieved menarche earlier than girls who had secure attachments (Belsky, Houts, & Fearon, 2010). Meaning, if Mom is harsh, then it would be in a girl’s evolutionary interest to mature faster. This way, she could find a mate that would take care of her." Looks like she wants to have it both ways.

Cecilia - posted on 06/01/2013

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Diet has nothing to do with getting a period early ( although it can be a reason for getting it late) Everyone wants to blame milk hormones i hear it all the time- yet there is no proof. It is said homogenized milk does it, yet my grandparents drank it.. It would not explain the increase of early periods now.

Actually the reason girls get their periods earlier is the lack of a father figure in their life. Science is funny in that way.

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-...

[deleted account]

9 is a good age. Don't quite understand it, but enough to know that when blood starts coming out, it's not a bad thing. Kids get their periods younger and younger due to all the hormones in milk and bad food we all eat now. Just by a kid friendly book and go over it with her.

Cecilia - posted on 05/31/2013

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you think you're scared talking to your daughter.. lol I had to teach my boys about their bodies. That was fun. The truth is I did it over time and kinda with siblings in the room. They know stuff about the opposite sex that most won't learn. By the time they were in about 11, they would all openly talk about it and ask questions at the dinner table. It's not for everyone's taste i'm sure but it worked. Just don't make it feel like it's some dirty secret and it has to be hidden because they will feel insecure about it.

TJ - posted on 05/31/2013

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This topic is nothing to be ashamed of or embarassed by, especially if you are a mother opening the sacred door for your daughter(s). A young girl's transition is natural, and it should be honored. I especially think that multi-generational aspects are important (involving aunts and grandmothers and female cousins), as I did not have these connections growing up. It’s really very special to celebrate such milestones of change together, growing close with other women, and I regret that this was not done in my family. Instead, it was a "curse" and it was something gross and dirty. Not true!



GOOGLE "The Red Tent" ... modern gatherings that mark an empowering connection among females of all ages, from young to old. Menstruation brings us into womanhood – a time to rejoice and be supported by other women. From this point onwards, our lives are filled with occasions when empowerment by and between women is the perfect way to celebrate... and sometimes, the support is more important than the celebration! From the first time a female falls in love, to the hot flashes of menopause, a Red Tent gathering honors the collective power of women. For instance, have a look at what this website offers:



http://redtentparty.wordpress.com/



There are many more such groups... perhaps in your own area... or perhaps you should start one with your daughter!

User - posted on 03/25/2012

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Ashley,My daughter is 9.I began having the talks w/her a couple of weeks ago.I'm not ready either.She is tiny 4 her age+not ready emotionally.I don't think she is anyway.My mom never explained anything to me about these things either.It czme as a big shock to me+was also scary.Being a single mom we are pretty close.I thought I'd better start the talks now.Girls are maturing so fast now.She really isn;t though.I want her to be able to talk to me about anything though.I just can;t imagine the girls getting it at 8,9,or10! My sister also gave us some books.One of them is an "American Girl" book called:"The care+keeping of you"They are very helpful+gentle about explaing things that change on her body. Good Luck! :)

Ashley - posted on 03/25/2012

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Thanks again everyone! All your comments really helped and made me realize that im not the only one. I did go out and buy a book called "top secret" for girls only...(they had one for boys, too, but i figured the hubby can take care of them:)....Its actually a really cute book, not only does it explain what a period is w/ pictures, it also goes into peer pressure, cliques, mean girls and a lovely chapter titled " my moms driving me crazy!", all informative stuff, however not too invasive with the whole whats sex and how to do it...anyway, so i went into her room with the book, and briefly went over the main things that are going to happen. I didnt get into very much indepth detail b/c i dont really think she fully understands, but at least if it does happen soon, she can remember" hey mom talked about this, and its ok" she was so funny at one point, when i was explaining the hairy legs and armpits..so on. She looked at me and said "oh..Im gonna turn into a boy girl!!" Its was hilarious! At the end of our convo, I gave her the book and told her to read it whenever shed like and if she had any kind of questions, she can come to me. Oh and she did :)

Sachi - posted on 03/20/2012

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"One of those parents?", lol...not sure what that means but if it means we do whatever we can, however we can to teach/talk to our kids then that's me...Go to the book store...there are lots of books geared towards the younger set that explains a lot. I have "What's Happening to My Body" and my girls are 12, 10 and 8. They've all read through it and have gone back to reference it occassionally. Kids need to hear about these things in a way they understand. This particular book has illustrations, not real life pictures. Yes, body parts, etc. But in a very clinical way. She will giggle, as my girls did. But what I did was I handed it to my oldest first...probably when she was about 8-9 and had her look through it on her own. Then I went to her and asked if she had any questions and told her (and all my other girls) that its OK to talk about those things with me. Its all natural and normal. Its not just about periods...its about their bodies changing all together. Hope that helps.

User - posted on 03/12/2012

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My daughter has the American Girls book as well. I can't recall at the moment if it has menstruation information in there, but it really is a good book. They have a few good books like that.



And yes! Definitely "be that mom." I know someone whose daughter got her period at age 9 and the poor thing had no idea what was happening to her. Divorced parents, mom was out of town that weekend, so dad had to have "the talk" with her, which is fine, but he was completely unprepared for it! And he had to stumble around trying to find her the correct product in the grocery store. Best for your daughter to have a little bit of knowledge.



I've been telling my daughter about how her body works since ... well...since as long as I can remember. She's 9 now, almost 10, and she knows the signs to look for to let her know it's coming and what to do when it does arrive, on the off chance she's not with me when it happens. It doesn't have to be a scary subject at all. If you're not scared of it, she won't be. Good luck!

Ashley - posted on 03/12/2012

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Thank you both very much. Im gonna look for both books, and Ive come across one on the Barnes and Nobel site "its a girl thing." I think all my panicing is b/c Im not ready. Uh..i guess i have no choice :) Thanks again!

[deleted account]

I bought the American Girl body book 'The Care and Keeping of You' for my twin girls and we read it together when they were 7. GOOD book and very helpful!! They are 10 now and have been experiencing various body changes since 8.5 and we still talk a lot in bits and pieces. I'M still not ready for all the changes they are going through, but I've made sure that THEY are... and we talk about pretty much everything.



There is nothing wrong w/ using a book. Especially if you read it together. It gives you both a great starting point.



I don't remember having any talks w/ my mom except one very awkward conversation at 12 (actually happened a few months before I started... I still wasn't ready) after the school did the 'period movie'.... I swore things would be different between me and my own kids and I've made sure that they are. ;)

Sarah - posted on 03/12/2012

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I just stumbled across an "American Girls" book the other day that was about girls taking care of their bodies, and though I haven't looked through it yet, it's probably in there. That series looks really good for talking about pertinent issues in a way a young girl/woman will understand and that let's them know that they are normal, beautiful, and not alone in the mysteries and fears of growing up and puberty. I found the book (oddly) at JoAnn's Fabrics and have found them at Michael's in the past.

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