Son's father and wife are expecting

Mair - posted on 01/19/2011 ( 6 moms have responded )

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Hi Everyone,

Just found out through the grape vine that my son's father and his wife are expecting. My son is an only child and lives with me and my boyfriend of 5 yrs (my son is 7). While my son does want a sibling i am concerned as to the emotional and financial toll this may take on my son's well being. Cause not only is he getting one but he is getting three siblings! yep his father and wife are expecting triplets. I worry that my son is going to be pushed aside once these new babies arrive. Not to mention his father already complains and cries poverty, saying he cant afford his child support. So I am expecting him to try and use this as an excuse to get a downward modification in his child support which i personally think is unfair. dont misunderstand im not trying to be unreasonable but if you cant afford your first child dont have any more at least thats my opinion. Also from what i found out the wife is about 5 months along and they have yet to tell my son which i think is unfair this is something a child needs time to process. Has anyone else gone through something like this?

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Lissa - posted on 01/19/2011

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Sorry to hear your situation, if this is the case then you need to tell them they have to talk with your son about the babies. If your son does end up being pushed out then you need to do the job us Mums have, hold him, comfort him and be the rock in his little world. Don't bad mouth Dad in front of him and try and keep the lines of communication open. If this does happen it will be heartbreaking for you and your son to go through. You may find he gets angry and acts out so be firm with him explaining that it's ok to be angry but give him some constructive ways to deal with it. I am sorry but that's all I've got, good luck.

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Mair - posted on 01/20/2011

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Teresa, I know exactly what you mean about the questions about why is daddy doing this with this one and not me. My sons father is a nasty one though he has straight out lied to my son in regards to why we are not together just to make me look bad smh.

I dont want to tell my son because despite the jerk his dad is i feel that is his to share you know. he's not always consistant but he's supposed to see my son two weekends a month sometimes he does sometimes he doesnt. It just realy gets to me that he petitioned the court for a downward modification cause he couldnt afford his support payments in August and then bam September/October they are prenant. The judge didnt grant him the modification this time but my sons father hasnt been paying either. I know once these babies are born we will yet agian be back in court uhhhg i wish he would just let my bf adopt my son and get out of our lives.

Aside from that on a positive note my son is 7 today! YAY!

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My ex and his wife are expecting as well. As soon as it was confirmed to me (not by them, of course) I told my kids. Since they only see their father a few times a year I wanted to be sure and be there for them if they had any issues about the news. They are ok w/ it... thankfully.

I totally agree w/ you on having more kids when you don't support the ones you have.... My ex won't pay a penny of support for the 3 kids he has w/ me, but is going to have a new baby this summer and is helping to raise his 2 stepkids. I do worry about the effect this new baby may have on my son when he is old enough to fully comprehend the fact that his father left when he was a newborn, but he's not leaving this new baby. My son is not quite 3 yet, so I'm hoping it's quite a few years before he figures that one out.

Good luck to you and your son!

Mair - posted on 01/19/2011

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Thanks! I'm waiting to see how long it takes them to actually tell me about it as well i found out because someone i know saw them at babies r us and sure enough they have a registry and it states that its triplets.
I am comtemplating taking my son to a child phycologist once he's told so someone unbiased can talk to him.

Mair - posted on 01/19/2011

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Uhhgg no sadly my ex's wife and I are civil as can be but if approched as to anything in regards to my son she curtly defers me to his father which is fine. Same goes for his family my son's father is very manipulative and I dont trust him or his family. Long story but we were merely "dating" when i got pregnant and beknownst to me until looong after i left him he was with his wife (not married) before during and after me. Basically he was leading a double life. Then come to find out while my ex and i were together he was getting annonomous emails saying that my son wasnt his only to find out later they were from his now wife. So there is alot of history there but I have tried to be civil with them for the sake of my son because its not his fault. I do feel his father will slowly push my son aside once the babies are born and i want to prepare myself to be there for him when it happens. like for instance even though im told they are broke and told my son they were broke for chistmas smh they bought a new car an SUV i can assume now it was in anticipation of the growth in their family which i understand however why an SUV and not a station wagon? my son needs a car seat still and you cant fit 4 car seats in an SUV so i can only assume my son will be left behind when there a visits to his fathers side of the family. :(

Lissa - posted on 01/19/2011

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Do you know his wife well? Is she approachable? I get on well with my ex's wife and as this woman will always be bound to you as your children are siblings it would be beneficial if you can talk to her. If there is no animosity between you and you can discuss the issues and be on the same page it will help your son. How is your relationship with your ex's family? They could prove very helpful in supporting your son during this difficult transition time. I know that I am probably very lucky to be in a situation where all the adults involved in my sons life get on well, my ex's parents are wonderful and his wife has been a rock during difficult times between my son and his father. If a relationship between all these people is possible I suggest you work at it.
He definitely needs time to process the fact he will have three new siblings. As for him feeling pushed out I suggest when he visits his father time is scheduled for the whole family and also a few hours just him and Daddy time.

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