Step mother dealing with husbands mother

Christina - posted on 04/17/2013 ( 2 moms have responded )

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Hello all, I am a mother of 2 and one on the way that are biologically mine all three are girls and I have one step son through marriage to my husband of 3 years. Now I have raised my step son since he was 2 1/2 almost 3 and he calls me mommy on his own accord, (he knows who his real mother is, she lives 40 states away with no contact with him whatsoever *she abandoned him with my husband, because of many reasons. One being she was staying with my husbands mother for like 5 months with both her kids and while his mother was working she was sleeping with my husbands brother * mind you my husband and I were already married and living in another state* She was then told to leave when his mother found out about it, she moved 40 states away with her youngest child and left her oldest (my step son) here for his father to get him). Ever since then we have raised him, I do my best to keep back when it comes to punishment and not say anything unless its towards me and my husband has enforced me to say say something to him if he is "acting up" that he has to listen to me because I am an adult. He did great with the listening to me and great with school and doing things he was learning great. Before my step son came to live with us he was still talking with a lisp and or baby talk, he would act like a baby about everything and I am not talking normal 2 1/2 year old acting, it was infant ways of getting stuff. He was just "mentally completely handicap immature, due to his mother treating him as a insect and not a child" I hate to say bad stuff about the woman due to the fact I do not know of her, just know of what she did for this child. We transformed him, he talks normal, does great with reading excelling as much as possible in kindergarten. Ever since we moved in with my husbands mother I have had some major downfalls with her. First it was fine how I was helping my step son, it was fine that I was a good mother figure to him. Then one day she starts telling my husband that we were "treating him wrong, saying all we did was yell at him and punish him for everything his sister was doing to him instead" we had a daughter together she is now 2 years old and supposedly we treat her better than my step son. "completely not true they are equal to the matter of age. She is still to young to understand some things we have to get on her in a different way, my step son knew he was not suppose to do certain things and like any normal kid he decided he could do it and try to get away with it. When we punished him and her at the same time by standing them in the corner she stated we were punishing him for something she did. It makes me so angry but after ignoring his mother on her suggestion my husband told them both to go the table to eat, as soon as they were done eating she tells them to get on the couch and watch t.v. (my husband was not done with his punishment) He told me they needed to go to bed and I was to tell them to get upstairs to bed. I walked out of our room after she told us that our daughter had fell asleep at the table. I looked over the balcony to ask my daughter, are you tired. My daughter didn't answer, I said "Its time for you two to get to bed" His mother burst through her downstairs bedroom door yelling up at me, Its a weekend, they can stay up and watch tv with their cousins, I said No they need to get to sleep, If one of them is falling asleep at the table they both need to get some sleep. She says "well it was just your daughter, send her to bed, you don't need to tell xa what to do" I said I don't care what you say, thats your opinion they both need to get to bed. she yells louder "Well, either way you're not his mother, so you can't tell him what to do" My husband jumps up and stops the argument, not realizing what his mother was trying to do. He told me not to say anymore. I wanted to flip out. Now anytime I say that my step son needs to do something, she starts to question my husband asking if I was the one thinking he needs to do it. Why does it matter if I am the one telling him to do his homework or telling him he needs to work on his math and writing more than his reading when he forgets to bring his homework home? why does it matter that I told him not to drink milk because it messes up his stomach and I buy him special milk to help him with his potty issue? I don't get why someone not being his mother but his grandmother would sit there and tell me not to mother a child that she herself isn't mothering but babying and making him not grow up but instead think he doesn't have to listen to me anymore? She doesn't care for our daughter together she treats her like an outsider, she babies my step son as if he is still 2 years old, buys him stuff and then looks at our 2 year old daughter like she is scum. What is the deal with this.... She has two older grandaughters that she has one calling her mom, and the other calls her mamal, and she babies and caters too them as well. My step son is the only grandson. But this is just strange to me. I want my step son to grow up knowing he can rely on his family but also take care of himself, I want him to know and respect his elders as well as suceed in school and activities but my husbands mother is telling us we are doing it wrong and that we don't need to tell him anything. I am at a loss here..... Sorry so long but I am so confused.

2 Comments

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Jill - posted on 04/22/2013

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pike...
Please don't have an abortion! Babies are a blessing no matter how they come. You can't possibly believe the lie that if you have an abortion everything will be alright. You will have more trauma and stress living with that decision for the rest of your life. As a mom, you know firsthand the beauty of children and motherhood. If you feel now is not the right time to add to your family life, then please consider placing your dear child for an adoption. I have been to a few agencies and there are many many parents waiting for a baby that would do a great job raising your baby. Adoptions are even open now, where you could get pictures if you wanted and be in touch every once in a while if you desired. You then would live with the reality that you truly blessed someone with an awesome gift that they couldn't provide for themselves. And, you'd give you and your baby the gift of life. I don't think you'd regret it.

PIKEI - posted on 04/19/2013

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am full of stress, am dating this guy who is giving me a real hell of time. yet am pregnant for him. am 5weeks pregnant now, i hav 1kid in my past relationship and this guy is not fine with my daughter. he wouldnt let her join the entire family. yet he has 2kids as well whom am expected to mother.
now life is really hard he is a controlling freak. one who thinks he is always right and never makes mistakes. he points at the mistakes i make yet am not allowed to comment on his attitude.
am torn apart i know abortion is not right. but i already have a child in my past relationship am struggling to raise then am pregnant again and trust me if i push through with the pregnancy that will mean a single mother to 2kids by 2 different dads and that isnt really nice. please some body out their help me make a decision i cant live with this man he will m ake my life miserable and stressfull wat do i do with the pregnancy . should i keep it should i abort

Ty - posted on 04/17/2013

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To me it sounds like this woman wants to be the center of the attention to all the children in her life and she will do anything to get it including turn children against the adults that love them and or harm children that she knows she cannot turn toward her and manipulate. She knows that your daughter she can't do this to but your stepson she feels she can. You need to move out of her house asap. She is doing damage to your family first by turning your children against each other or at least planting the seed that will have your stepson resenting your daughter because of his grandmother teaching him that she is treated better additionally the boy will come to resent you as well and then you;ll have even more problems. Also she is getting in the way of your marriage by disrespecting your authourity over the children in your family and causing rifts between herself and you bringing your husband into a position between the two of you which is really bad. That woman is tainting your family and relationship, get outa there!!!

ty

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