temper and rage in a 5 yr old

Allison - posted on 05/13/2010 ( 5 moms have responded )

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ok...i have a 5 yr old daughter,she has a very bad temper.when you tell her to do something sh will tell you NO and stomp her feet at you. she constantly gets bad marks at school atleast twice a week the teacher is sending me a letter home,saying she doesnt listen,or,she does the opposite of what they tell her to do.see if i did all that i would have gotten an old fashioned butt whipping.but now they call that child abuse.so what is the best way to make her realize we are the adults and not her.any suggestions would be greatly appreciated

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Valerie - posted on 05/20/2010

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you need to catch her when she is being good more and acknowledge that to help it grow...you need to remind her of her inner qualities when she doesn't use them....you need to get her in a class where the teacher is able to help build her up rather than put her down...she is young and perhaps too young for school...she is clearly checking out the boundaries and consequences....what are the family rules? classroom rules? consequences for violating the rules...family rules and consequences need to be clearly posted and followed through on...stay calm through her fits and be a broken record about the rules...work hard on this through the summer until school resumes...and make sure she has a different teacher next year...all the best PS hitting and yelling will only make her aggressive and emotionally disturbed...

Leila - posted on 05/19/2010

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1. decide if you want an evaluation. An IEP through the school may be beneficial, but what I'm also encountering with my daughter is that school's do not (always) offer a full evaluation. developmental delays, some medical issues, trauma (abuse), and other things can all cause behavior problems.
2. No matter what else you decide: look at your own reactions and behavior. Model appropriate behavior for her (show her with your own words and actions how you want her to behave, and during times she is not following your example, keep up your example.) Using tools such as NVC (nonviolent communication), positive discipline, etc. can help you adjust your own behavior to better deal with hers.

Alicia - posted on 05/19/2010

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I had the same problem with my 4 year old. She was suspended twice and there was talk of expelling her from Preschool, It was bad. Talk to her Doctor. My daughter was diagnosed as ADHD. She's on a low dose of focalin and her attitude has improved 100%. She does her school work now and she's well behaved. good luck

[deleted account]

I give my daughter choices. You can either choose to behave in a way that does not hurt anyone or be rude, or you can spend time in your room/we take away something that she really loves (like a DVD that she loves). She really loves her things so she adjusts her behaviour on that one. We have a grow good corner which we put her in (one minute for each year of age). We ask her if she is ready to come out, and what does she have to say (sorry) and we ask her why did she go into the grow good corner, so we are clear she knows that her actions resulted in this consequence.

Lots happens to them that we don't know about at school, interactions that worry them and they "play up" at home and we think they are just naughty. Smacking teaches smacking as a reaction, it does not solve the feeling side of it, and although my hand itches as well sometimes!

Kizmect - posted on 05/15/2010

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I certainly understand your dilemma. First things first, stop encouraging the bad behaviors! Children reinforce what you give them. Don't respond when she's acting out, but DO encourage the smallest of things she's doing right! Get a behavior log. Ask the school for the child to be tested for special services. If she qualifies she will get a behavior specialist that will be better able to help you with strategies. When she talks back stop her and explain what she is doing is wrong. She must respect authority including you and the teachers. Also allow her to help you make up a behavior chart at home. Take her to the dollar store and aloow her to pick up stickers for the chart. Allow her to put up stickers when she's doing good things! Remember the smallest of things must be acknowledged. You have to stop putting the emphasis on the negative and now put them on the positive. This will encourage the behavior you want to see. Allow her to help with rewards for good behavior and punishments for bad behavior. Please understand I said help! The rewards and punishments MUST be within reason! Explain why something isn't acceptable and reason with her. Make the rewards after a number of times doing something positive. Not right away! Rewards can be something like an extra hour of television, 2 hours at the park. They don't have to cost money! Make a list of about 5 of both. When negative happens allow her to say what the agreed punishments (already agreed) should be for a bad behavior. This will in essence encourage positive behaviors and minimize bad behaviors! Good luck!

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