unruly nieghbours

Dawn - posted on 08/13/2012 ( 11 moms have responded )

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can anyone help me plz i have tried going through the right cannels with this problem for over 2yrs now and im really at the end of my tether. iam a mother of 4 my oldest is 24yrs and my youngest is 8yrs.i have lived at my present address for nearly 13yrs now and most of my nieghbours are new to the cul-d-sac. however there is 1 nieghbour who moved here 6mth after me we used to get on great until she became the legal guardian of her niece who happend to be the same age as my youngest daughter. she just snubbed me for no reason at all and from time to time i would ask her if id done something wrong but she would just turn away from me. over the last 2 to 3yr she has made my daughters life hell and has turned other kids and nieghbours against her/us. the kids gang up spit punch kick and call her names etc every time she goes out to play. there are19kids in our cul-d-sac and only 2 of them play with my daughter but the others threaten them and take them away from her. i have approached the parents and all they say is well so what or keep her indoors then.this nieghbour is well in with the school and the govenours and got the teacher to separate my daughter in class from the other kids including her niece she told the headteacher that my daughter bullied all the kids in our street and got 5 other nieghbours to see him to back her up...he told me this. i had a number of meetings with the school and the education welfare officer < who couldnt believe the way the headteacher treat me and she advised i took my child out of the school as it was clear she was the victim.i have kept a diary of what has been happening and took it to the houseing officer who went across to the nieghbour who then sent her to the other 5 neighbours and when she returned to me she said my child was the bully and that she had also spoke to the head who said the same.i have also had the police involved and they just say its a common problem parents fall out over kids all the time....i dont think they take things seriously. my daughter didnt play out for over 8mth and became very withdrawn. i changed her school just 3wks before they broke up for the summer holidays and she has just started to play out again until tonight. she came breaking her heart because a 10yr old had chased her through an ajoining cul-d-sac onto the main street and back home trying to hit her her arms torso and leg had bright red marks where his 4yr old brother had hit her with a twig from a tree.she said she was just playing with anouther boy and the 4yr old started to hit her with the stick she ran away from him but his brother and the rest of the kids surrounded her to let the 4yr old continue to hit her she managed to get away but crying saying sorry mam for going on the main street.after getting the same story from the boy she was playing with and another boy i went to see the parent who said well he is only 4 and his brother said she had kicked him so he was only sticking up for his brother my daughter and the 2 friends denied kicking him. i really dont know what to do other than move house and thats not as easy as said than done. any help please.

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Bobbie - posted on 08/29/2012

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My guess is that something happened at about the time she was snubbing you. For five other parents to stick their necks out to lie about your daughter being a bully is highly unusual. Most people wouldn't take the time to go to the school to even give evidence if it didn't impact their children. I hope you have taken the advice others have given you to be outside observing while she plays. Also, at the age 8 she must be given some freedom but none without you overseeing until her bullying comes to an end. Good Luck

Bekah - posted on 08/15/2012

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Just out of curiosity, where are you when all this is happening?
There is no need to be hiding at all!
You need to be out there supervising your child especially if she is getting bullied! You need to be in plain sight of all involved!
Are you just taking your daughters word that she isn't being a bully? A lot of times kids don't realize the things they do are mean and maybe one of the other kids took offense to something your daughter did. I'm not trying to take their side but we all assume the best in our children and sometimes we don't always know what may be occurring out of our sight. This is part of why it is vital for you to be always present. That and it may prevent some of the physical abuse that is occurring.

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Jennifer - posted on 08/22/2012

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Have you considered consulting a private detective to set up survalance on your street? Might get the evidence you need. I know it will cost some money but it may be well spent.

Tracie - posted on 08/19/2012

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We had a similar problem with my brother when we were little. These bullies would not leave him alone, no matter how much we ignored them. The police didn't take it seriously because the bullies cried that my little bro was the one bothering them.

My mom borrowed a friend's car and staked out our bus stop with a video camera. She recorded clear as crystal that my bro and I walked away without saying a word to them. They, on the other hand, chased us down and harassed us mercilessly.

My mom took the tape to the police and (after some Jerry Springer moments with the families of these bullies screaming on our front lawn) we got the police and the school to intervene. They never bothered us again.

Best of luck to you.

Ana - posted on 08/15/2012

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This seems like a lot of kids are involved in bullying your child. But why?

Have you done any personal investigations.. sat outside and watched the kids play...what do your daughters other little friends have to say about how the kids treat your daughter in the neighborhood?

I would go this route for now...I think you may find out more info..

Kristin - posted on 08/15/2012

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That is so sad, have you considered moving? I cant beleive that parents would allow their children to behave that way they should be ashamed, Where I live all the kids in the neighbourhood play together and yes they have squabbles but al;l the parents work together and each child is treated the same. None of us parents tolerate bullying and we teach our kids to be nice and share with everyone. Im feel really bad for your daughter as this is so not her fault but it can and will lead to self esteem issues and self destruction. If no one will do anything and documentatioon isnt working I would move to a different neighbourhood, it is tragic it would have to come down to that but it would be in the best interest of your daughter as i dont think it will get any better for her where you are.

Zoe - posted on 08/15/2012

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Anyone hitting or hurting her in any way is ASSAULT and you can go to the police. If they won't do anything then move for your poor daughter's sake! As hard as it may be, there is no point trying to reason with jerks who are cruel and stupid enough to take out any problems on a child.

Dawndickman - posted on 08/14/2012

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thankyou for your help ive tried to get photo but its impossible as living on a cul-d-sac theres nowhere i can hide.i will keep ringing the police and wanted to do so yesterday but was talked out of it by my older daughter as in the past the kids have retaliated and punctured the tyre on our car or tipped the bin over...our livingroom is at the back of our house so we are unaware as to what they are doing so we cant prove who it is.i was up all night last night looking for a house exchange and advice on what to do with this situation.

Dove - posted on 08/14/2012

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Get photo and video evidence and keep calling the police every time someone makes a mark on her. Is it possible for you to hide outside near where she is playing? If so... go outside and start videoing these kids. Document every mark, every time.

Amy - posted on 08/13/2012

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If your daughter is coming home with marks on her because other kids are hitting her you need to call the police each and every time! It's not ok that they're hitting her and the police need to take it seriously.

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