Unsociable Son

Grayzie - posted on 03/02/2009 ( 11 moms have responded )

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My 9 year old son is very shy, timid and unsociable to others. He's always playing indoor games (PSP, game Boy, watching cartoons etc). In short, he's a Ioner. I try to invite his cousins around but i really have to force him just to play with them, take him places. Even in school he's not making a lot of friends. What must i do?

11 Comments

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Vani - posted on 06/26/2012

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Hi Grayzie,

How are you and your son's doing?I hope your son is more sociable and happy!
I have a son that is 9 years old and having the same issue, It's not easy to understand they're feelings.

[deleted account]

Quoting Jennifer:

Here's a link you might find interesting:
http://www.naturalchild.com/jan_hunt/shy...


I just read this article and it is great. It mentions homeschooling and that is what we eventually did with our now 8 y/o girl. She is extremely shy if she is not comfortable or hasn't known someone very long. We also chose one group activity that she will go to per week. She has a say in what it is, but she must go each week. SHe goes to our Sunday School and our Church's Friday Night Kids club without any problems. This year we joined a homeschool gym class once/week and in the Spring she will take swimming lessons. For now, that is about all the "group" time she can handle outside our home (we have 4 kids, she is the oldest, we also babysit 1-2 others). Going slow has helped, does she like going to the class--well it's a pain getting her motivated to get there, but then it's not bad. Some days she likes it more than others. 



For our daughter her learning was hampered at school due to the stress of being in a group setting. Now being homeschooled that stress is gone and she is doing much better academically as well.

Sylvia - posted on 03/03/2009

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my son has Asperger's syndrome and yes he is fine on his own and will spend hours playing ds..psp computers .. i do tend to agree i would get him tested  as they dont interact very well  but saying this my son will talk to any one as he dose like to hear his own voice  but shy is not part of him and he has no inhibitions to who he will speak to and as far as his concerned ever one is safe ..... its very scary

Kim - posted on 03/03/2009

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my oldest daughter who is now 15 sounds alot like your son , when she was his age . she was a loner , she had one friend at a time , and most of the time only talked to them at school . she spent most of her time reading , listening to music , writing stories , ect . she was in girl scouts and soccer but never really fit in with the crowd . now shes 15 and i thank god she has her own mind , she is very mature for her age , number 5 in her class and very focused on her future . she has many kids she talks to at scool , but only about 5 really close friends . she is very in tuned with who she is and has alwyas been , she doesn't feel the need to fit in . personally i think thats a good thing .

Jennifer - posted on 03/03/2009

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Has he been evaluated for Asperger's syndrome? It's quite common these days, and causes kids to be completely clueless about socializing. But he could just be a shy kid. If he doesn't have Asperger's, have you tried finding interests like that he could share with others? Has he taken classes like Karate, soccer, etc. to get him involved in something outside of school?

Grayzie - posted on 03/03/2009

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My son doesn't even want to share his PSP to others ( selfish) one thing i want him to get rid of that selfishness. Urrgghh. Tried to set up time for him when to play and watch cartoons, Limit himself. Even enrolled him before in KARATE class. I tol dhim i will enroll him in Piano or Guitar Lesson even swimming all of it he dotn show any interest. I'll try my best to do each of ur advices mothers. Thank you so much.

Shannon - posted on 03/03/2009

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I also have a shy son and have been setting up one on one playdates with some kids from school so that he can get comfortable with them and start socializing. good luck!

Siti Zakiah - posted on 03/03/2009

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find friend with the same interest,...example...PSP interest...so...invite them to your home and let them play with 1 PSP for 3 - 4 kids..while waiting for their turn, the parent could have conversation with them or make another interesting activity .

Kitty - posted on 03/02/2009

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Hi Grayzie, sounds as if you are describing my 9yr old! I spent a lot of time being worried about his chronic shyness. Sorry to say I don’t have any definitive answers for you. Sometimes he needs to be left to do things in his own time and sometimes he really responds to psychology based activities, such as A,B,C’s ( algebra for emotions ).
He really seems to do best when his days are structured and consistent, full of activities and he is certain of what is happening around him, it also limits the amount of time he can spend playing computer games!
Try working on building his confidence, and don’t be afraid to seek advice from a medical professional.
best of luck : )

Amanda - posted on 03/02/2009

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I would put limits on the tv and the video games, so that he is forced to find something else to do. Also I would look into any team activities that you could enroll him in. If he's not into sports, maybe scouts or some other club could work. Those are the things that we've done with our son and they have definitly helped with his social skills. Good luck!

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