What do you do when your child is accused of being a bully?

Tamara - posted on 03/26/2012 ( 2 moms have responded )

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My six year is in his first year of primary school and is so far showing great progress academically. I consider him to be very bright and clever and fun to be around. I would call his temperament a calm one although he is highly sensitive when he is disciplined and spoken to by adults and other children in a negative way (by this I mean if he is being told off by his peers).

Last week, we received phone calls from the school on a daily basis telling us that our son was being "aggressive" towards the other students. The school gives a yellow card to indicate detention and he has ben unfortunate enough to get three in one week not to mention one again today.

I was helping the class with woodwork last week and was told by the majority of the year one class mates that no one likes my son. I told the teacher after school and she came to speak with me not long after where she herself repeated what she had told me only a week before that she had seen my son be "aggressive" towards the other children.

My child doesn't want to go to school. He cries and is very shy whenever we take him personally to his classroom and he show signs of separation anxiety when we leave.

I'm slightly at a loss as to what to do and what to believe as my children tells me the children chase after him and tease him yet the teacher and the students are telling me it is him bullying them.



Does anyone have any suggestions as to what I could do (other than coaching him in what to do and say at home) to reveal the truth of what is actually happening?

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Tamara - posted on 03/28/2012

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Thank you. My husband and I have both seen events where my son Noah has exhibited the body language to suggest fear toward those children. One child had a toy cannon and used it to pretend to shoot my son to which my son cowered. This same child had a stick to which my son hid behind his dad on the way to the classroom. Another child went racing up to my child and Noah took two steps back. Unfortunately what was said wasn't in ear shot so we have no clue whether there was news to tell or teasing going on.



I feel that if my son is showing signs of aggression towards other children in his class, it would be in retaliation to their behaviour. However, having said that I was told this morning by the bus driver that he was sticking his leg out and blocking the bigger kids from getting to their seats two mornings in a row. He apparently is losing all support from the kids with his behaviour and that his behaviour has to change. The first morning he didn't have his Ipod which we have let him use as the bus trip to school is 1.5 hours long one way and he was acting out in boredom before. He hates the bus but we live on a farm and I am currently working part time across at the rail camp on the other side of our drive way so there is no way I can take them to school more than the two mornings and two afternoons in a week that I already do.



He was in tears this morning again saying he didn't want to catch the bus but apparently had a fabulous day yesterday where he didn't get into trouble at school but was told off I found out on the bus.



We have been reading stories on the topic of anger management, making friends, being mean, cooling down and working things out in order to help him curb whatever bad traits have arisen. I am the kind or parent who takes things to heart and so does everything she can to try and make the situation better and at the same time attempting to not blame my child. He knows right from wrong and he know the phrase "unacceptable behaviour" as I have been using this since he was three and younger to help him act appropriately.



We are approaching our final week of the term and when we have our Easter holiday (two weeks) it will be a chance to help build the skills further without the demeaning attitudes of others on a daily basis.

MaryBeth - posted on 03/28/2012

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Sounds to me as if they may be bullying him. He may have had a bad day and they ( teacher and classmates) may have taken him to be that way. I suggest you do a little digging to find out whats truly going on because this baby isn't my child but this has me concerned.

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