WHAT IS WRONG WITH MY 5 YEAR OLD!!! every since i brought the new baby home he is so whiny and bad??

Delana - posted on 01/06/2010 ( 32 moms have responded )

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ugh he is back talking so much and never good!!! he has always been a great kid and here lately i cant do nothing right with him!!! he is so whiny and he use 2 never back talk or anything!! everytime we go somewhere he acts up!! idk what 2 do anymore!!!

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Debra - posted on 01/12/2010

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Quoting delana:

WHAT IS WRONG WITH MY 5 YEAR OLD!!! every since i brought the new baby home he is so whiny and bad??

ugh he is back talking so much and never good!!! he has always been a great kid and here lately i cant do nothing right with him!!! he is so whiny and he use 2 never back talk or anything!! everytime we go somewhere he acts up!! idk what 2 do anymore!!!



There is nothing wrong w/ him.He just doesn't feel like he is getting  the attention that he was getting.  Give him time and he will come around. If you can set time aside just for you and him,and let him know that you still love him the same. There is six years between my daughter & son. She felt just like your son, They fight but that is all siblings. They love but will never let eachother know.

Nicole - posted on 01/06/2010

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He is Jealous of the new baby, I don't know if it will help you but when I brought my daughter home I tried to let my son help me as much as he could with her. In little ways let him know that he was still as important to me as his sister is.

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Rebecca - posted on 11/18/2011

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he is jealous they feel like because there is a new baby you wont have time for him. my husband had to take a week off work to push the adjusment but after that it went back to usual tantrums. i found putting on bed and shutting door and let my 3 yr sort herself out very affective it started out at bout 1hr screaming and a few times later it was 5mins then faking the crying then stopped.

Amber Lyn - posted on 01/13/2010

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I agree, it's a jealousy problem. It might be a good idea to try and make some alone time with him so he knows he's just as important. Also, if you tell him all the things he can do as a big boy that babies can't do, might make him feel important and one day he'ss be able to teach his sibling one day.

Catherine - posted on 01/13/2010

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It's all down to strategy. When I was pregnant with Chaos, I told Mayhem[then age 3] about how the baby would be completely helpless. I explained how he could eat all on his own and go to the toilet by himself, basically emphasizing all the things he could do and making him proud of himself... and then said that the baby wouldn't know anything, and would need help.

It helped to have family support, too.

We let Mayhem hold Chaos when they first met [with a guard/helper, natch] at the hospital, and explained everything we were doing when he was curious about things. Every time he got upset about Chaos, we'd explain it and tell stories about how he was at that age.

At this stage in the game... You need to distract from and defuse potential upsets. Anything that works is good ["I think I left you a PBJ in the fridge" "Did you see a dog/bird/whatever out the window?" or, if all else fails, "Would you like to be a big help?"] and making the older kid feel useful or important is a great step towards a peaceful household.

Take some time when baby is sleeping to read to the older child, or play a game, or any 'together' activity that settles things down. Explain how Baby looks up to older sibling [I told Mayhem that he was 'like Superman' to Chaos 'cause he could do so much more than she could] and loves and needs them just as much as you do.

Don't harp on it. Just get your older child to think about things from other people's points of view. And remember to hug them even when you could just strangle them.

Christy - posted on 01/12/2010

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My oldest son was like that when I brought home his brother...I believe his exact words to me when I showed him the new baby was "take it back"! This went on for a few weeks then one day I asked him to give the baby his passy for me and ever since I included him when I did things with or for the baby and I let him help me . I think it let him know that I didn't forget him and the fact that I let him help with the baby made him feel closer to the baby as well. Now they are best friends and you never see one without the other.

Meagan - posted on 01/11/2010

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ahhh! I know what you mean, I thought it was a stage, cause my 2nd baby was a 10 wk premmie and I had to stay with her at the hospital for 6 weeks before I came home, My then 5 year old was so angry at me, his behaviour was off the wall, unfortunatly, over 1.5 yrs later, my relationship with him is so disfunctional, we just bicker all the time, I feel like a nag and he acts like the most spoilt selfish child of all time, I just don't know how to fix this problem, but it is pretty awful in our house some days!

[deleted account]

Im sure its just because he isnt used to sharing the spot light with another child, he was the only child for so long and now he isnt...it is definantly going to take some getting used to for the little guy but eventually things will get back to normal :)

Deanne - posted on 01/11/2010

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jealousy is most likely the problem he is trying to make sure he still gets attention even if it negative attention from you try to make sure you give him equal attention in positive ways before he acts up getting him to help with baby is great he can bring you diapers and wipes or pick out baby's outfit and talk to him about how the baby needs you try also to have one on one time with him while baby is asleep play a game read a book just let him have your full attention even for 10 mins so he feels important still

Crystal - posted on 01/10/2010

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OK first of all you son has been an only child for 5yrs.. got all the attention from you. then you bring in another child to your home.. If he likes it or not he will turn around it will take time. But at the same time you as a mother will have to help him. You had the kids its your job to be there for them at all times tired or not. You have to make time for all the kids in your life. Set some time aside for your 5yr old. while the baby is sleeping would be nice so its one on one. Your son needs to feel he is still important to you and if you not giving him the one on one time he is feeling left out. You are pretty well living the life of a single parent. You need to learn to juggle you time with KIDS home and work. I have three kids one has very special needs. I have been single parent for years. Stop putting your son down and telling him what he does wrong and start telling him when he does something good and right give him some alone time.

Jessica - posted on 01/10/2010

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I am going through the same thing with my 4 year old, the baby has been home for 4 weeks now and things are getting better. The first week my 4 year old wanted nothing to do with me and was terrible when i was around, it was awful!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have been trying to spend as much quality time with him as i can and he is doing much better..............just remember it takes time to adjust and things will get better

Monica - posted on 01/10/2010

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Umm.....Hello! The attention used to be on him all the time and now it's not. Imagine how you would feel if everyone stopped paying attention to you. He acts up so he can get your attention wether it's negative or positive. You absolutely must take time out to spend with him only. Also, make sure you allow him to help you feed the baby, dress the baby or hold the baby. You would be amazed at the transformation in his behavior.

Angie - posted on 01/10/2010

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There is absolutely nothing wrong with your son. He is feeling jealous and left out and just needs a little extra love and attention.

Tiffany - posted on 01/10/2010

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I know what you mean... When I brought my baby home, my then 4 year old son turned from a perfect little angel to a totally different kid...he was soooo bad!!! Just try to let him help with as much stuff with the baby as possible. Also, make sure that you set time aside with just him and mommy time so he doesnt feel left out. Bringing home a new baby is a HUGE change in a childs routine! And they deal with it the only way they know how. My son went back to his old self after about 3 months of his baby brother being home, and now him and his little brother are the best of friends. Good luck! It does get easier I promise

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I have the same problem and i even try very hard to spend alone time with him. I don't know but i think its just hard to get used to school and baby at once ,went from only child home with me all the time to big bro and kindergartener ..

Elizabeth - posted on 01/09/2010

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Have you tried spending some special one-on-one time with your son?? It sounds like he's missing you and trying to get your attention anyway he can. Let him know that baby is new but not better than him. Maybe do something that you can't do with baby, but can do with him. Other than that, do the normal things that are done with poor behaviour address the behavior and correct it so he knows that you will not tolerate the behaviour. When he is doing well though, be sure to stress how proud you are of his kind behaviour and how calm and happy he is so he knows exactly what to do to get positive attention. I hope that helps! Good luck!

ANGELA - posted on 01/09/2010

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HE WENT FROM BEING THE CENTER OF YOUR ATTENTION TO.....WATCH OUT FOR THE BABY. OR SHHH THE BABY'S SLEEPING. RIGHT NOW HE DOESNT KNOW HOW TO ACT ALL HE KNOWS IS HE HAS YOUR ATTENTION WHETHER GOOD OR BAD WHEN HE ACTS UP. MY DAUGHTER HAS DONE IT TOO... THE BABY IS NOW ALMOST TWO AND THE MAJORITY OF HAS CALMED DONE RECENTLLY BUT SHE STILL DOES IT. AND I FELT LIKE I COULDNT DO IT ANYMORE BUT KEEP FIRM AND IF YOU CAN MAKE TIME ALONE WITH HIM. THAT SHOULD HELP SOME. TAKE HIM OUT OF THE HOUSE IF YOU ARE ABLE.

Janelle - posted on 01/08/2010

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It is a scream for attention.......take him out for a special day, just for him once in a while, and don't let the good things he does go un-noticed! Everytime you say something about the baby let him know he is still loved just as much!

Tammy - posted on 01/08/2010

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Wow! That sounds really hard to cope with all on your own. I can't imagine how tired you must be. It's a lot to deal with, and please give yourself credit for handling it.

Maybe you could find someone... a friend who doesn't live far, a neighbor, a member of extended family who could take the baby for a couple of hours while you do some one-on-one big kid stuff with your son, even just once a week? I suspect that working in even a few minutes each day, while baby naps and knowing he'll have a larger stretch regularly will probably help.

Getting him involved with helping with the baby is good, but you have to be careful not to turn that into a chore for him. Otherwise, he'll be even more resentful of the new little interloper! Get him involved only as much as he likes, with the activities he likes. For example, my daughter loves to pick out the baby's outfit, but she's not so interested in helping with diapers (now that the novelty of seeing baby poo has worn off).

Good luck!! Just remember you're doing the best you can, and your son's not "bad", just acting out as he adjusts to your new family situation.

[deleted account]

Because the new baby takes up a lot of your time. So some children decide to act out to try to get the same attention they use to get.He figure in order to get your attention he will act badly. You may not be giving him much an not even notice. Plus most likely everyone else is making more of a fuss over your baby. As hard as it can be to find extra time with a new baby, you need to try to find some and put it aside for your son. Weather it's cuddle time, play time or even taking him for a ride to the store for some one on one. He needs to know that he is still important an loved by you as much as he was before the baby came. It can also help if you include him in on stuff with the baby. Like feeding, bathing an just holding when your around. Hope some of this helps.

Carrie - posted on 01/07/2010

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try to get your 5 year old involved. if he doesn't want to be involved, try to spend alone time with him eace day. maybe get a sitter and take him to the park or something he likes to do. that's what i do with my 6 year old

Patricia - posted on 01/07/2010

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I wouldn't use the word "bad" the word itself sounds ugly and kids are more likly to act on ugly behavior because they get more of a response out of you, At the moment they don't care if it is negative ,it is attention and they won. give the 5 year old easy but specific little jobs to help YOU and baby. right now he wants to feel important, he had you to himself for 5 years. things will get better. Just stay positive and give the 5 year old an extra hug whenever you can, better yet give him 5 hugs!!!

Michele - posted on 01/07/2010

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Quoting delana:

WHAT IS WRONG WITH MY 5 YEAR OLD!!! every since i brought the new baby home he is so whiny and bad??

ugh he is back talking so much and never good!!! he has always been a great kid and here lately i cant do nothing right with him!!! he is so whiny and he use 2 never back talk or anything!! everytime we go somewhere he acts up!! idk what 2 do anymore!!!



I completely understand. My 4 year old was 2 when my son came home. She bit him and pulled his hair when he came home. The jealousy was sooooo obvious. I was breastfeeding and she would tell me why she couldn't drink from my boobs. It was overwhelming for me. Now she loves him, but I can sense she is still jealous. She feels that she's alway in trouble and he gets away with everything. She just forgets that she was 2 once, and now at age 4 almost 5 she should know better.



I know I can't compare my experience to yours. However, mom to mom we experience similar situations. Stay strong, cause other moms out there are on your side.

Michelle - posted on 01/07/2010

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maybe you and your oldest can pitch a tent with blankets and have a special bedtime snack and story at night. NO BABY if you can help it. You might also be able to do something in his room such as paint it or let him pick out those wall stickers and new bedding so he feels that it is not just baby that gets every thing new. also if you are going out and have a few places to go ask him what place he thinks you should go 1st, let him in on planning the outing.

Delana - posted on 01/07/2010

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i wish i could do all of that but i dont have help its just me and the kids dad is gone for 28 and home 14 days

Delana - posted on 01/07/2010

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things and i do need 2 try 2 do more with just him and we are out for snow today and maybe i can play a min with him but my hubby 2 be works out on the river barges and he gone 28 and home 14 i work 40 a week and just so tried after working and taking care of everthing but thanks for all your help!!! he is just so wild and crazy now

Delana - posted on 01/07/2010

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thanks and i do try 2 let him do stuff he feeds and holds him but it doesnt help!!!

Julie - posted on 01/07/2010

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I had the same problem when i brought home my 2nd child from the hospital.. when lexi visited her new sister in the hospital she liked till she found out she was coming home with us. I had her help me by handing me diapers and i would hold hannah and let her try to hold the bottle for her sister. then when hannah would sleep durring the day i would do super fun things with lexi that the baby could not do. like playing games or coloring. and finger painting. she really like having mommy all to her self for a little while during the day. then sometimes i had to just leave to baby with dad and take lexi out of the house for some just mommy and her time... i hope these ideas work for ya!!

Rebecca Lynn - posted on 01/07/2010

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Nicoles got the right Idea I used to pump breast milk and allow my 5yr old a chance to feed his little sister and to let him help dress and change her he has even helped to bath her I think this is why I have been so successful in the jealousy dept. My Daughter turns 1 in 12 Days and my Son 5 in a month.

Rebecca Lynn - posted on 01/07/2010

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Just try to make sure to give equal attention and perhaps some specail 5yr old only time to your little one he is feeling left out. I have two kids but I haven't run into this problem yet except for when I was breastfeeding he would get jealous. I had a friend though who's lil one was so jealous he would slap the new baby and hit her every chance he got.

Veronica - posted on 01/06/2010

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You have to help him bond with him. I let me daughter help me feed my babys play with them on the floor, kiss them alot help bath them. He is just learning how to share you It is really hard. When he starts acting up take a step back and think about the day was their a moment that he might have felt left out and try to talk to him to figure out what might be bothering him. He will probly settle in soon to the hole big brother role. Does he go to School maybe he has been away all day and feels pushed away Maybe in the evening you and dad can take turns with the baby and you can devote some one on one time to him. I have three kids my five year old is in the middle and she wonders off and does her own thing but she was 2 when my son was born. My eight year old will let me know when she need attention by asking the same question 3-4 times and gettin in the middle. My 3 yr old just climbs on my back. I wish you much luck with your boys.

Rebecca - posted on 01/06/2010

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it sounds like a case of pure jealousy. i assume for the past 5 years he has been the only child in the house? he will have to adjust and learn that he cant have your full attention anymore. try having him help you get things for the baby like a diaper, bib, blanket, and small thiings like that. also try giving him one on one time mommy and son everyday for a few hours or so. include him in when you do things with the baby so he doesnt feel left out and make him feel like he needs to misbehave in order for you to acknowledge him. i hope thing get better for you !!!!

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