What to do about my Five year old that will not Poop on the toliet??

Courtney - posted on 01/16/2013 ( 1 mom has responded )

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Hello
I am reading some of the posts on your blog and feel like they could come straight from me. My son is five and refuses to poop on the toilet. He is very smart, creative and articulate. However, he is super sensitive and very shy. He almost has some social anxiety issues. He is in preschool and starting Kindergarten in the fall. I guess we thought he would magically start going #2 on the toilet.. however it has yet to happen.
He has had some bowel/digestive problems to the extent that he couldn't have a solid bm. We tried medicine, diet change, fiber bars etc. It seemed to help with the pain, aches and difficult bowel movement. It has not helped the accidents in his pants. We switch between underwear and pull ups, but there is always a soiled diaper/undergarment when we go to change him. It is almost like he is scared to sit on the toilet and go! He cries, we cry.. its a mess! I am a first grade teacher and know that kids can be cruel. I am scared for his health and mental well being. I have been in contact with the doctor for the last 21/2 years. They wouldn't see us at first and wanted us to change up the diet and try some OTC medicines. When those weren't working we finally got in.. The bowel movements became somewhat normal and the pain in his abdomen subsided however he still had accidents in his pants.
He does not like change. He is a momma's boy and the baby of the family. He says he cannot feel it coming on, but he seems to run and hide when he has to go. I am calling the dr tomorrow. I am starting to worry it is a type of developmental problem or stomach disorder!! I Don't know!
I do know that I am scared and need some type of reassurance or advice on what to do. I don't want to browse or read too much into it because I will make myself sick! We have tried rewards, consequences, charts, candy, games, etc.. I don't know if there is anything you can tell me or any resources you can offer or advice you can give me. I will tell you he has been talking in complete sentences since he was 18 months old, knows all his alphabet, knows basic math facts and can write his name and other words. He is intelligent and smart. I am positive he does not have a learning disability. I am just worried there is another psychological disorder that is causing him to poop in his pants. It breaks my heart. It is causing tension and turmoil between me and my husband because I want to baby him and he wants to give him tough love. Sorry for the rambling and long email. I am just at the end of my rope. Please help!

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Jennifer - posted on 01/17/2013

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He will poop on the toilet eventually, try not to stress. Have dedicated "potty" times. Give him is special interest items while he sits there and waits to go. It takes my daughter up 45 minutes to poop, and she is 8 years old now. She sings on the toilet to her toy bird (her interest object) But rest assured, it just takes patience and time. For the longest time, the sound of the flushing toilet terrified her. She wore pull ups to pre k. She was fully potty trained at the end of her 5th year. It will happen, so you can breathe. Try not to fight over it, make it a normal routine that you just do, well bc it is time to do it, no big deal. Then when it DOES happen, make that a huge deal. Best of luck.

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