Why is it my 4 year old daughter behaves herself in school and not at home?

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Renee - posted on 11/14/2009

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oh my goodness!!! thank you so much for this. i am having the same exact problem. my four year old daughter is so sweet in school, and when she comes home it is like a whole nother child!! she is constantly in trouble at home. this can be very frustrating. but, i ask myself the same questiion--why are you good every where else but not for me. so, i definitely no how you feel. i have two other children, and do not remember having this much trouble with them. i would love to be one of your circle friends so we can talk more. but until then, god bless you, and good luck.

Chris - posted on 11/14/2009

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with having a 4yr old also I truely believe it is they know to push our buttons and are afraid of the teacher and don't want to get in trouble with a stranger

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Polly - posted on 05/20/2013

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I need help! I have a 7 year old that is in 1st grade, on the A honor roll and has never been in trouble at school, not even a warning. When she comes home its a different story. She talks back, she's disrespectful and nasty. She is also very nasty to her sister. I have tried all forms of discipline and nothing seems to work. She wants to argue about everything although I usually put a stop to that before it starts. I just dont know why she acts this way at home but at school she's never a problem. Her teacher and principal can not believe it when I tell them stories about her behavior... I am at my wits end! any advice is appreciated!!!

Sylvia - posted on 12/08/2011

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This is actually really normal. At home, where she knows you will love her no matter what, she feels like she can let it all hang out. At school, not so much. She's only 4 -- it's probably quite an effort for her to behave according to expectations for half a day at school, so she doesn't have as much self-control left when she comes home ;)

Melissa - posted on 12/07/2011

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i'm going through the same thing, my 3 yr old just started school 3 days ago they say he's being wonderful but then when he comes home from the second he gets here till bed he's just not good, dosent listen to me or his father.. not that it answers your question but your not alone if that makes you feel any better! good luck hun ♥

Laura - posted on 11/16/2009

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Yvette,
The teacher is not being consistent in her discipline. My oldest (7), was very well behaved in K, but in 1st he battled with the teacher all the time. Her discipline to put it mildly sucked!!! She would catch them for some things and let it go next time. She changed the way she disciplined constantly (only thing she was consistent in). Now he is in 2nd and has an AWESOME teacher and he is back to behaving. Talk to the other parents in the class and observe in the class if you can to see how the teacher does things. If I am correct and she is inconsistent go to the principal. Sounds like your daughter is like my son. Both strong willed. good luck.

Yvette - posted on 11/15/2009

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Just be glad she behaves at school. My 5 yr old doesn't behave at school and it's a constant battle with the teacher. We have already been told she will be suspended from school if she is caught fighting again. Which she wasn't she was defending herself and a friend from a boy that was pushing them so she pushed him back and she got caught not him.

Raquel - posted on 11/15/2009

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Well at least when you are not arounf you can take pride that they know how to behave. BUT! They have given their secret away by showing you they know how to act. So have rules decide what is important and talk to your child. This happens and this is the consequence after a litle bit of this you will see a change in them. But dont change back!

Raquel - posted on 11/15/2009

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Kids need consistent structure, They like to know whats is next and what is expected. Structure home like school with times of when things get done. free time to relax and moments when you all decide. But be consistent and fair and make your rules and follow them.

Laura - posted on 11/15/2009

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You always behave better at someone elses home. It is like everyone said they push buttons. My oldest is almost 8 and he still behaves at school, but not home. UGGHH

Angela - posted on 11/15/2009

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I want to thank u all for the reponse. I agree 100%. My 4 year old is very demanding and know how to push my buttons. My 11 year old son is both well behaved at school and at home, but of course he isn't an angel either but he never gave me problems like my daughter does. I know every child is different but wow she really is a handful.

Robyn - posted on 11/15/2009

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I have asked myself and others this many times! I have 6 kids, ranging from 10 months to 14 years, and I say the same thing about all of them at some point. The fact is that they do know what buttons to push with you, and will keep testing their limits. My kids are always on their best behavior for everyone else, as long as I am not around. It drives me crazy! But they are kids, they will test you. You have to find ways that work for each individual child that keeps them in line. My five year old responds well to sticker rewards for good behavior. So try and find something small and inexpensive that may work as a reward, other than food or candy, which could lead to a different problem down the road. Good luck!

Laura - posted on 11/15/2009

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I agree with Chris. It's because you are Mom and home. She knows you love her always and feels safe to let it all out. At school/daycare, they behave better mostly because they don't have that same feeling. They think the teachers will react differently than you will at home and it is not as safe to act out there. This is not a bad thing as it does keep them behaving in public when you are not around.

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