young (under 50) widows groups?

Katie - posted on 05/08/2011 ( 2 moms have responded )

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Do any young widows use Circle of Moms? I have 2 girls, 16&10 and I need help knowing how to help them through this. Jan 10th, 2011, my 41 yr old husband died very suddenly without any warning while he was out shopping for a suit for his dad's funeral. So in a period of 3 days, my babies lost their only grandpa(who was only 68)and their daddy. We had Papa's funeral,then 2 days later, Daddy's. 2 weeks after, my husband's mother had a serious stroke(at61) from the stress and is not fully recovered yet. How do I make all this okay for my girls? I can hardly wrap my mind around this much tradgedy all at once....

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Jennie - posted on 02/03/2012

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I know this is an old post but wondering if you are still around. I'm a young widow (39) with two kids ages 9 and 11. My husband died over a year and a half ago and my kids and I are doing very well now (of course we miss him). I am a counselor also so that really helped. I've since then specialized in trauma and grief in children. Let me know if you are still around or have done another group and we could talk. I'll love to tell you some of the things we have done.

Christy - posted on 06/01/2011

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I think you should go ahead and start a widows group and see who joins. I'm so sorry you've lost so many loved ones recently.

I have not experienced this myself, but my counseling background encourages me to chime in.

Be very open with your girls. Talk about it, and encourage them to talk through their feelings. If you are religious, be sure to include that in your discussions.

Spend extra time with the girls doing inconsequential things. For example, a friend of mine lost her husband who had been a drug addict so the kids had already experienced drama, they separated, then he died. My friend took the kids to a fast food restaurant the week of the funeral when stress was high and they started singing silly songs together. Do fun things together, don't focus on the loss, allow your own lives to go on as normal as possible.

When discussing the loss of family members, talk about the happy memories with those people. Maybe even put together a memory book of each person so they can get to know them or simply remember the happy times together, focusing on the positive.

I know some of these suggestions sound opposite each other, but it's good for you to be able to laugh and cry together. If any of you are really struggling with returning to regular activities after a few weeks, seek professional counseling to help you and your girls work through it. A good counselor can help you work through the pain and create a new "norm".

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