The ex-wife and Facebook

[deleted account] ( 95 moms have responded )

Are anyone else's in-laws friends with your husband's ex-wife on Facebook? Am I the only one bothered by it?

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Anna - posted on 10/12/2011

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Lol. I just noticed a similar problem on my Facebook page: all in-laws are friends with the ex. I had a conversation with my husband and he does not give a shit as we hardly ever see them. I, to be honest, just find it weird the way she wants to be back where she was thrown out from. She trying to make conversations with them and everything. My husband is sure they will never call her where I am (and better they not). They are ok with me too, but this is the case when they cannot be nice to both of us. Anyway, if I notice too much activity on that front, I will just stop any communication with any of them who does fail to set the boundaries with the ex. The ex is just trying to get back where she was. My advice ladies, do not let this bullshit in your life and do not try to change things being "overly" nice, because it will turn against you sooner or later. Know your place, and everyone who does not recognize it can go to hell.

Samantha - posted on 12/23/2009

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I would say they def blame me for the divorce. Dear M-in-law didn't see that they had problems long before I entered the pic. We were both married when we met...I know it's awful and not something I'm proud of- I make no excuses for that, it was wrong. And so in some respect the family has a right ,upset I guess. But it's been two years and the m-in-law won't even meet me or my children. The ex has moved on but his mom and sister can't seem to get over it. The ex just irritates me- perhaps a little jealousy on my part, she IS taking 50% off his salary for CS and maint. She shops a lot, goes to concerts a couple times a month and travels. It pisses me off a bit. Get this though- I just noticed she added one of my coworkers to her FB page now too! Ugh... She's everywhere now! Yes, I check her page just to see what's going on- is that weird?? Lol.

Karen - posted on 03/03/2013

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This drives me nuts, too. I'm sorry but, I am only human. Everytime my sister-in-law posts a picture of the family, the ex has to be the first to post some kind of "sweet" comment. As if with all her comments she can somehow work her way back into the family legally. I want to scream at her, "Don't you get it??? You're not part of this circle anymore. Go Away!" I think my sister-in-law is just too nice to tell her to buzz off or unfriend her for fear of the stink it'd make in their small town.

Brandonwine3 - posted on 09/03/2013

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It bothers me too. I think it sucks, you don't get a chance, my in-law's family is so in love with the ex, they don't even know me and act like they dont care. They tell the ex, you're the best, your great, your awesome and I am the one who takes care of their daughter and cleans up all her financial messes and other problems, but the ex is great. Sucks and I am tired of being treated like that. I don't care about them anymore and thinking divorce sounds like an option. Too much drama, and feeling unappreciated.

Vivian - posted on 09/11/2012

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Elizabeth, this problem is quite common when there has been more than one marriage. It seems that your problem is with the in-laws, and not the ex? In any case my suggestion is that it is your husband's responsibility to set the rules and boundaries. Sure they can be friends with her, but your husband needs to tell his family what is and is not acceptable behavior. You should not be made to feel like a second wife, because you are his current and only wife. They should be happy and love you, just because you make their brother, son happy. As far as facebook is concerned, de-friend all of them and enjoy communicating with your family and friends. Don't give the in-laws the pleasure of knowing that what they say bothers you in any way. This gives them power. When you are in their presence, smile, be nice and walk away when they start being ugly. Eventually they will stop and share their misery somewhere else. I have been married 7 years to my husband. (second marriage for both of us) it took me a long 5 years to learn this lesson.

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Kelli - posted on 06/02/2015

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My partner's ex-wife cheated on him and left him for another man in 2011. Their divorce was final last year. It's a small town where everyone knows everyone ELSE'S business, which makes things that much worse. My issue with her is that she remains Facebook friends with many members of my partner's family, and even still gets her hair cut regularly by his niece (who affectionately calls her "Aunt X" on Facebook).

It seems as though some of my partner's family members take pains not to hurt the ex-wife's feelings, they seem more loyal to HER than to my partner who she cheated on and divorced!

The ex-wife remains Facebook friends with the niece, and responds to EVERY SINGLE POST the niece makes. So there's no way for me to interact with the niece on Facebook (she recently accepted my friend request) without it being seen by the ex-wife.

The one and only response I made to a post by the niece got deleted by the niece almost immediately. She admitted to my partner she did so because she didn't want to hurt his ex-wife's feelings. My partner had a talk with his ex and asked her to respect the boundaries that he respects, and not alienate his family against his new life mate. He does not friend HER family members on Facebook, or have them cut his hair, etc.

The ex-wife continues to interact with the niece on Facebook, so I (after discussing with my partner) quietly unfriended the niece. When my partner next sees her at HIS next haircut appointment, he will explain why.

I share the frustrations with all of you regarding the "second wife syndrome," and exes who want to hang on to former inlaws.

Sarona - posted on 05/25/2015

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If they are, it is what it is, u cannot implement your personal feelings into it because Inlaws will always be Inlaws, ppl love gossip & knowing what's happening with the ex, some just like stirring the pot to wind you up & then there are the very tiny few who innocently don't see or have a problem with it. If you're really bothered, delete your page, make up a new one with just your family or unfriend those who are friends with your ex - very simple. If Inlaws hit you up about it, don't explain or justify yourself, just say ... It is what it is!!

Floria - posted on 05/25/2015

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My ex-mother-in-law and I are still friends, however we have one golden rule: We do NOT talk about the ex-husband/son nor his wife/her daughter-in-law. It is a matter of setting boundaries. We became friends before we became in-laws and it would be a shame (and unfair) to end our friendship just because her son and I could not work things out. Since she lives 400 miles away we don't get to see each other and even if I was invited I WOULD NOT go to family functions (it isn't my place). We are friends on Facebook and chat online here and there. I am the mother of her only grandchildren as well. If I had a problem (and have in the past) with my ex-husband's wife (he is on his 4th) I would make an effort to work something out. But giving up my friendship with his mom wouldn't be an option. Like I said, it is a matter of boundaries, and being an adult about it as well.

Mary - posted on 05/25/2015

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I agree Gina, there is no need for your mother-in-law to be friends with the ex, either on Facebook or in any other way.

Thankfully, my mother-in-law is good on this score but it's my brother-in-law and his wife that cause all the trouble. They keep inviting my husband's ex to family events without even asking my husband how he feels.

As a bio-Mom and step-Mom, I fully believe that the only contact between exes should be about the children's welfare only. The parent/child relationship never ends but the parent/parent relationship is over, not just physically but emotionally and psychologically too.

Also, when a couple exhange vows, they promise to be faithful to each other by 'forsaking all others' and that definitely means the ex. The marriage comes first, not the exes. Hugs everyone!!

Gmhenderson2013 - posted on 05/23/2015

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My mother in law is friends with her ex daughter in law on fb too...and i dont see any reason for it. My husband has 2 boys with het. They are both adults so i cannot see any need to communicate with her unless there is an emergency or a major life change. Both the ex wife and my in laws think and act as if she is still a part of their family. Just because she is their grandsons' mother doesnt mean everyone should act as if there was never a divorce. The children involved are too old for her to be the center of attention. Also, it puts the new wife (that would be me :) ) in a place where she cannot develop a healthy positive relationship with her husband's family. Any advice as to how to resolve this problem with my in-laws?

Mary - posted on 05/03/2015

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I agree totally on the need for clear boundaries. Women seem to be a lot better at it than men. I never got the hassle from my ex-husband that my husband received from his ex and her family. The main reason being that my husband rarely enforced boundaries with his ex. Thankfully, this isn't the situation anymore.

Many people seem to believe that after a divorce, things go along as normal, as if nothing has changed. Everything has changed! In-laws cannot act as though the ex is still part of the family. It might be acceptable in some situations where everyone is respectful but this isn't usually the case. My husband's ex-wife believed the only difference after divorce was that they weren't sleeping together anymore but that she still had complete access to him in everything else. She called him up whenever she felt like it over things that were nothing to do with the children. In separations, there needs to be an emotional divorce also. While the parent/child relationship never ends, the parent/parent relationship is over and everything that goes with it too.

'Second' wives, we are not second! We do not come second, whether that is in the eyes of the ex, their family or even our new in-laws. Our husbands are our husbands and no one elses! Respect yourself, even if no one else does.

Mary - posted on 05/03/2015

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You are entitled to be bothered by it (as we are all entitled to our feelings) but do any of us have the right to dictate who others have as friends on Facebook? My brother-in-law and his wife are friends with my husband's ex on Facebook. While it irritates my husband and I, we stay out of it. At the end of the day, it is their decision.

However, we do not approve as my husband's ex (and her family) has caused a lot of grief. For example, when we got married, the ex and her family threatened to disown my stepchildren if they attended their own father's wedding!!

If the in-laws invite the ex to family gatherings, we simply don't attend. I'm delighted to say that my mother-in-law is very supportive of us and keeps the ex at a distance. Blended families and divorce can be difficult for everyone involved. My mother-in-law found it difficult as prior to her son's divorce, she got along quite well with the other grandmother. She was very hurt by what her ex-daughter-in-law and her family did and said about her own son but also felt that she had to retain cordial relationships for her grandchildren's sake. Now that the grandchildren are adults, things are easier and my mother-in-law keeps her distance.

I absolutely agree with your feelings though and I'm delighted to say that thankfully neither my husband or I are 'friends' with our exes on Facebook. I think that it is entirely inappropriate and disrespectful to your new spouse/partner to do so. Your new spouse/partner comes first!!

Ashbash884 - posted on 02/21/2015

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I'm so glad I'm not alone in feeling this way. What I dont understand is my husbands ex cheated on him numerous times when they were together but now that he's remarried to me (and just had a baby) she cannot let it go. They have no children together and were only married for a short time but for some reason she has to act like she's still apart of this family on social media and the worst part is my brother in law likes her posts and will not delete her even though my husband has expressed his frustration towards this matter. Any normal woman would be bothered by this, you're not alone ladies.

Nicky - posted on 01/23/2015

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My MIL won't even accept a friend request from me BUT is friends with ex wife. She likes to tag ex wife and my husband in pictures and events. The ex and my husband share 3 kids (whom I love regardless of what the mil & ex try to do to interrupt our relationship) and mil does anything and everything for those 3 kids. My husband and I also have a daughter together and to make a long story short let's just say in laws didn't even get our daughter anything for Christmas this year. I also have 2 children from a previous marriage whom they want nothing to do with. I'm pretty sure she hates me!... and my husband doesn't understand why it bothers me so much and thinks I should just let "it/everything" go. Honestly I don't understand sometimes why I get so very hurt by her actions or how she treats me and why on earth this Facebook crap bothers me so bad either.

Diane - posted on 01/07/2015

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I cannot believe so many others have exactly the same problem as me. When I met my soul mate, he was in the final stages of his divorce, after 7 years and 2 children with his ex. She had a bf of 2 years, yet when I appeared on the scene, she tried every kind of spiteful thing you can imagine. I could not understand anyone behaving like this, all we had done was to want to spend our lives together,and I was nothing to do with their divorce. When I met the inlaws to be, they did not have a good word to say about her, or her them. My other half said she never liked his family, as she thought they were beneath her. When we announced our enagement the bs really hit the fan. She tried to cause trouble between me and her children, between her children and my child from prev marriage, and between me and his family. We got married abroad , because we knew what would happen if we got married at home. She then befriended his mother, and sisters. So much so that she is invited to events by my mother in law, and one of my sister's in law (the one who used to bad mouth her the most). We have made it clear we do not want to socialise with her, but that does not make any difference. His sister even has "family" events, and invites her and not us, so now all new in laws that come into the family know her aswell. Last Christmas his sister had a "get together" at her house, and we got invited along with the ex. Never the less, we did not attend, and received a rude text from his sister. I feel that as we have been together 24 years, and married for 23 years, it is about time she gave up, but this is not going to happen. I still really winds us up even after all these years, and I cannot ever see it stopping. She has had several relationships during this time , and they all dump her, I wonder why !!

Susan - posted on 12/10/2014

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Some of mine are. I defriended them as I don't need any information being leaked over to the ex. I have her blocked but I don't want them to tell what they might see. hurtful yes. Was the ex friends with them before...only when they were young. then the 2 sisters in laws are friends with the ex as well but not me...nor my husband. What is up with that? Hurtful

Kellie - posted on 10/23/2014

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You gave a valid point. I'd be pissed as well. Unfortunately, you're going to have to try ignoring it. My husbands wedding pictures are still ganging in his moms house. She's not in them, but it's a constant reminder of his day with her. Hang In there.

Kellie - posted on 10/23/2014

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I am a second wife too and don't know if anyone talks to her. I have his ex wife blocked from my Facebook and Instagram. I don't trust her especially since she comes across all nice but I'm so on to her. It's hard to be wife number 2 and I get where you ladies are coming from.

Mary Alice - posted on 10/22/2014

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I think women, the wives, have a better understanding of the importance of clear boundaries. My ex and I remarried within a few months of each other. In fact, he cheated on me with her but I didn't know about it until after we were divorced (yeah, he'd cheated before that, too) and I'd been remarried a couple of years. The ex called me up one day and started getting too personal, saying his wife was jealous of me, how he told her we'd never get back together, but if something happened we'd still be friends and do things together. We're not friends and never will be. I divorced him for a reason...a cheater, a beater and much more. I put him in his place and told him everything my husband was doing for his son (mine and my ex's together) and how good he was to him, etc. He hung up on me. We never had a personal conversation again. I laid down the boundaries when I saw a definite need for them. Why can't men do that? I'm sure his wife would love it if he knew he was talking to me so personally, saying how she was jealous of me (I'd kill my husband) and how, if something happened, we'd still be friends. Umm...and I was the first one he called when he was fired from his long-time job (I'd kill my husband). I still don't know why he did that. I guess because I knew everything, history wise of the job, and he'd probably kept most of it from his wife. Yeah, a real good start to a marriage. Oh, did I mention they divorced less than 3 years after their marriage? My husband and I are on going on 9 years of marriage.

Marni - posted on 10/14/2014

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While one cannot control the actions of another, we ought to keep in mind etiquette and respect. While someone in this thread said that we would hate to be controlled by having someone dictate who we can and cannot speak to, we would also hate to look like idiots and trouble makers because we keep in touch with the ex in law. More than that when someone chooses to remove their self from the relationship, they are also actively removing their self from the partner's family. They have lost their privilege to be involved in the lives of those people.

In laws need to let go of the ex for the sake of their blood tie, also for the sake of the new relationships he will cultivate. It's only fair to him and her as it helps pave the way for him to begin anew without drama and jealousies.

My husband's ex has many of his family members on her friends list, she also has many pictures of her travels and even some of him - she left him in thee worst way by having an affair. None of my partner's family in laws like her, or so they say, yet they have her added. I recently deleted my boyfriend's half brother for liking the ex wife's posts. I find it disrespectful and disloyal as he was never close to her, she dislikes him unbeknown to him - it creates social awkwardness, even on facebook.

I will not deal on any level with situations that cause me to feel removed, uncomfortable, or that I feel are socially below me. I was raised by my grandmother and a mother who is educated and polite. My friends would also share my views.

As for my husband, he cannot remove her due to a financial situation in which she has the upper hand. For me personally, his family and some friends have lost some of my respect by keeping her on though they dislike her.

Renee - posted on 10/03/2014

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I honestly thought I was the only one. I am so bothered by it. I am not sure if I am more bothered by the fact that everyone in my husband's family talks behind the ex's back and then turn around and invite her to family functions. The ex treated my husband so badly, lies and false accusations, trying to leave the state with their kids,etc. and his family are still friends on FB and invite her to family functions. I read through the previous posts and they were very helpful. Especially the ones that suggested unfriending those mutual family members that are friends with her and comment and like her statuses all the time and then turn around and talk about how awful she is/was. The kicker was when she showed up to our wedding (kids were in the wedding and that was her excuse) and NO ONE had the common sense to tell her she was crossing boundaries. My husband had to tell her to leave. When we are at events and she is there she not only goes up to everyone and hugs them like she belongs, she calls my inlaws "mom" and "dad" and my husband some stupid nick name. I apologize if this is all jarbled, I am just happy that I can vent with people that have gone through the same thing.

Loretta - posted on 08/31/2014

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Calm down calm down, no need to shout Shawnn Lively. I think we all get it, it's there deal whom they decide to keep in there lives. However in these types of situations especially if their are no children involved, too many boundaries are crossed in a negative way, as well as the respect for there sons new life is also effected in a negative way. Your totally right about we have no right to say who our in laws are friends with. And I guess in away we can always think of it on the flip side as they can't pick who were friends with either, so they really should be greatful we gave them a min of our time. We can be picky and choosy about our circle of friends. Hey guess they don't make the cut, ladies I say leave them in the past with his ex since they loved that time of his life. Keep on stepping forward and live happy

Mary - posted on 08/26/2014

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You're not alone in feeling that this is inappropriate. My husband and I are not friends on FB with our respective ex-partners. My husband's brother and sister-in-law are friends with his ex and this allows the ex continued insight into our lives and keeps the connection going. None of my family are FB friends with my ex. It's only respectful behaviour.

Mary - posted on 08/18/2014

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This seems to be such a common issue. My husband and I have this problem. Despite being very abusive to my husband when they were together, my in-laws continually invite the ex-wife to family events, without even asking my husband how he feels about it.

They separated 13 years ago but unfortunately too many people act like the past is still the present. Things have changed and people need to change with them. I do not attend my ex's family events out of respect for him and his wife. My own opinion is that the ex should not attend events as if they are still family. Having children in common is no reason to expect to have continual access to your ex and their family. I do not understand why in-laws continue to invite ex partners to family events, knowing that it will cause upset and awkwardness.

Saying that, none of us can control what other adults do. In our situation, my husband and I just refuse to attend events that his ex-partner is invited to. Unfortunately, as a result I keep my distance from my in-laws as I find this extremely disloyal.

Sara - posted on 07/30/2014

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My sister in law invite my husband ex to her daughter graduation party with not telling me that she was coming; she let me know when she was arriving at the party at the moment; I didn't appreciated from her that, but considering and respecting her daughters grad party... I hold myself the impotence to tell her WTH!! I though they don't talk for years since my hubby got divorce and separated 13 years ago. The ex came up to the party and starting kiss and hugging to everyone in the party including the guest that she didn't meet before!! But the never said hi to me! I should be mad with my sister in law for being so stupid...my hubby ask her if this is gonna be always like that ? She said no. The worst part is the ex doesn't like me ether my hubby becuz he won the cust of the 3 kids he has with her... she comes to my hubby's family like she still friends forever after 10 years later.! Is any suggest. My sister in law talks bad about the ex to me and I'm concerning with trusting my sis in law Being bad mouth about me too as she does about the ex. I don't like the game the she play!

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 06/25/2014

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Ladies, you cannot control whom other people choose to have in their lives. Whether it's your family communicating with your ex, or your partner's family communicating with their ex, ITS NOT YOURS TO CONTROL.

You cannot choose other's friends for them, nor should you dictate to them about who they can or cannot associate with. Sorry, but that's the way the world works.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO be in communication with that person, but you do not have the right to DEMAND that the rest of the family adhere to your wishes. They are their own people. Not to mention that you all would be EXTREMELY pissed off to be told who you could or could not friend based on SOMEONE ELSE'S past relationships.

If your mom chooses to talk to your ex fiance...HER BUSINESS. If your sister starts dating him? Tacky, but still her business.

Marian - posted on 06/24/2014

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My mother-in-law were friends with "them" but now they're not. She even had photo's of the ex but deleted them, thank goodness. I mean please, when your son filed for the divorce that also meant the entire family is divorced from her. And its quit disrespectful and embarrassing for me. Just how I feel.

Mafalda365 - posted on 05/29/2014

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Wait for it... The ex wife still has the pictures from her wedding with my now husband, as if she dont want anyone to know or I dont know why the hell she doesnt remove them.
Still people will comment on those, (some that dont know that he is remarried) saying how good they look... drives me nuts. My husband asked her to remove them and she dint wanted to. what about that?

Susan - posted on 05/18/2014

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i am married longer to my husband than she was and SHE was the one who cheated and left him for a dr....30 yrs her sr....and the kids and apparently a nephew is ok with that. I have never said boo and even put the kid through a private university but im chopped liver.

Susan - posted on 05/18/2014

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yea my husbands nephew hasnt seen my hubbys ex wife in 20 years and they live many states away. All of a sudden they are fb friends and I am friends with the nephew now and plan to go to his wedding. Irritates me that she has invaded fb, have blocked her and now I feel she screwed around on my hubby in FRONT of her son and now she wants back??? I wanna tell her be with her 82 yr old dr. bf...but have said nothing.

Loretta - posted on 04/01/2014

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Tina your probly never going to win, it's not your place to be dealing with his family it's his place simply because it's his family and until then they will not budge. And the sad part about it all is what kind of family would put an ex before blood? Like seriously I've learnt that in the end it's you your husband and your kids that really matter it's their loss in the end like I've said let her have them oh well take away the fact that the ex so pathetic she has to hang on to her past because her future sucks more than there lousy relationship hahah

Loretta - posted on 04/01/2014

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Oh my lanta does this sound so familiar it's crazy how others have gone through what I have, only in my situation my husband and I have been together for 7 years married for 4 and we now have 4 sons together. Ya ya I know one a year...Thier marriage lasted 4.5 years and no children now this is where it getts pretty messy and it all boils down to my dear m-inlaw. She has issues with me and our happiness and unfortuantly decided to bring the whole family into this matter. And they listened, for the first 3 years the family was decent to me actually my sister in law and I grew pretty close to the point that I was her maid of honour, then 4 months after that his mom decides to invite the ex camping while we went with them and boy did the shyt hit the fan! I have to much respect for my self and for my husband and our union to deal with these types of boundary failures. And from that day on things have been pretty messed up .... Fast forward 4 years to now and I am still dealing with them bad mouthing me on Facebook to the point that it have been bullied off the site. In the end tho I've been blessed with the best husband any woman could ever ask for he has stood by me no matter how his family has tried to treat me and in his passive own way has tried to talk to them about this. I do understand about his tho is he is not the type to rant and rave . We have just decided to leave all the people who want to stay in the past in the past and all the toxic family members who can't accept our union and love out of our life. This is pretty much his whole family with the exception of a few who truly do love us. We have grown and learnt from this and know our sons deserve better anyway. I'm done with it all in the end all I say is have them I got the best one anyway!

Tina - posted on 03/06/2014

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My husband's parents, sister and 2 cousins are all friends with his EX-GIRLFRIEND. They were never married, lived together but did not get married. They were together for 6-7 years. She broke up with him. And from everything that I have been told none of them liked her but they ALL communicate with her quite frequently because they know A LOT about her. My husband doesn't want to say anything because he doesn't want to start drama, but I don't know how much more I can take. We have 2 daughters together and have renewed our vows. I just can not win with these people! I don't know what more I can do. Any suggestions?

Jamie - posted on 12/28/2013

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No it bothers me. They were married for 20 years and I have been with him for 6 years. It makes me feel like an outsider or like I can't be accepted because they were married and we are not.

Kayla - posted on 11/15/2013

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my husbands family and friends are still friends with his ex wife on social sites. none of them really talk to her besides his younger brother. him and my husband recently went on a trip together and the younger brother posted pics on the site and she made a point to comment and like all the of the ones with my husband in them and comment on these pics right after me so she knows I would see them. I don't understand why this infuriates me so much but it does and my husband doesn't make a big deal about it he acts like its no big deal theres no reason for me to be mad almost like he wants her to see what hes is up to. I have had enough and I feel like I am going to explode...any suggestions?

Lisa - posted on 10/20/2013

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How about this...my husband passed away 10 months ago, we were together for 23 years. His ex wanted no part of him or any of his family, didn't allow their children any contact with my husbands side of the family. Now, the ex has re-entered the picture in full force. She is attending family get-togethers, having weekend get always and is being referred to as "sister-in-law". And the ex has been remarried for about 15 years. Makes no sense

User - posted on 08/01/2013

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My husbands ex wife of only 4 years and NO children together, continuously has contact with his family. They ignore me/us and see her often to the point of 'helping her out' when she needs it.
Both my husband and myself are livid that they have turned on him/us for her. We just don't get it. She is a sociopath and they cannot seem to see it. She had multiple affairs and left him. WTH?
They send Christmas cards to her and also to my husband exclusively, but not to me or my children. Its so hurtful.
Here is where I need the most help right now. His sister has a picture posted on her FB page of their family with the ex wife sitting on my husbands lap. What do I do with that? Course hubby doesn't want to rock the boat but I feel extremely disrespected. I had a friend of mine ask me if we were still married b/c they saw that picture.
Am I making more of this? Should I just let it go? I dont think I can. I am so bothered by it. Please help. :(

User - posted on 08/01/2013

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My husbands ex wife of only 4 years and NO children together, continuously has contact with his family. They ignore me/us and see her often to the point of 'helping her out' when she needs it.
Both my husband and myself are livid that they have turned on him/us for her. We just don't get it. She is a sociopath and they cannot seem to see it. She had multiple affairs and left him. WTH?
They send Christmas cards to her and also to my husband exclusively, but not to me or my children. Its so hurtful.
Here is where I need the most help right now. His sister has a picture posted on her FB page of their family with the ex wife sitting on my husbands lap. What do I do with that? Course hubby doesn't want to rock the boat but I feel extremely disrespected. I had a friend of mine ask me if we were still married b/c they saw that picture.
Am I making more of this? Should I just let it go? I dont think I can. I am so bothered by it. Please help. :(

User - posted on 08/01/2013

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My husbands ex wife of only 4 years and NO children together, continuously has contact with his family. They ignore me/us and see her often to the point of 'helping her out' when she needs it.
Both my husband and myself are livid that they have turned on him/us for her. We just don't get it. She is a sociopath and they cannot seem to see it. She had multiple affairs and left him. WTH?
They send Christmas cards to her and also to my husband exclusively, but not to me or my children. Its so hurtful.
Here is where I need the most help right now. His sister has a picture posted on her FB page of their family with the ex wife sitting on my husbands lap. What do I do with that? Course hubby doesn't want to rock the boat but I feel extremely disrespected. I had a friend of mine ask me if we were still married b/c they saw that picture.
Am I making more of this? Should I just let it go? I dont think I can. I am so bothered by it. Please help. :(

Necey - posted on 07/23/2013

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Hi Ladies. I'm new to the blog and I'm glad that I found it. I've been married to my husband for 13 years and had to deal with hatred and jealousy from his sister and her kids. My husband's ex-wife and I were friends at one point and she does not have any kids with my husband; however, she's always at our family functions in spite of the fact that she is also married but never has her husband with her -- instead her sister always accompanies her. 99.9% of the time I don't let it bother me because I know that she's jealous and wants to be in my place. However, just recently she was at a FAMILY REUNION and I approached her and her sister and vocalized how THIRSTY she is for my husband. When asked where her husband was she couldn't respond. Come to find out, my mother in law is the culprit who invited her to the reunion and has been inviting her to everything. Of course she denied it, when my husband and I approached her about it but it was confirmed by her granddaughter. I always knew that my mother in law had some jealousy in her heart towards me, but this is confirmation that this woman doesn't want me to be with her son.

Danielle - posted on 06/20/2013

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My bf family is friends with his ex on FB, heck she even sent me a friend request, to keep tabs on me, joke was on her cuz her plan back fired and we printed up pics of her making out with other woman and comments about how my bf was a bad father etc and took it all to court. That nite she ended our FB friendship lol. As far as the family members they say its so they can see pics of his and her daughter but she never posts pics of her just her 2 babies ( its really sad and I feel for their daughter) I say let them be friends and if the family member asks to spend time with the kids tell them NO and to ask the ex when she has the kids, I wouldn't stress just un-include yourself and husband/boyfriend from that family member they notice you being distant and that's when you can explain that as long as that family member is friends with the ex it is in the best interest of your new family and relationship to not involve yourselves with said family member until they end their FB friendship. If said family member refuses just calmly explain that their choice is fine but you are not going to condone said family members disrespect to your new family!!!

Diana - posted on 03/21/2013

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My mother in law and my husband's half sister are friends with my husband's ex. It really doesn't matter because we stopped talking to MIL 10 yrs ago. We stopped talking to his half sister 2 years ago because of the Facebook conversations she was having with the Ex. She said it was only because of husband's daughter but, the daughter is 21! No need to be accepted by the ex when the child is an adult!

Debbie - posted on 02/20/2013

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he is also friends with his ex step daughter on face book, and i dont like it. he saids its only to see pic of ex step kids

Debbie - posted on 02/20/2013

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my husband had no kids, but his ex wife had grandkids they were only married 5 yrs, he wants to be a part of their lives but i dont see it

Diane - posted on 01/03/2013

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Emily thank you for the other side. You sound a little bit like the exception to the rule though and I truly believe your intentions are for your children to have and keep a relationship with there other family. Unfortunantly, there are ex's out there that want to interfear just to irritate the new wife/gf. and that is what I have to deal with. One example is that before me at games and events his ex wife would walk past my fiancee and family with a casual wave and not pay them much mind and at the first game I go to she makes a point to come over and give his parents a big hug and now years later tries her best to beat me to sit by them at games. Its rediculous and I stopped playing the game a couple of years ago. My problem with my fiancee taking his ex to dinner with his family is with him now. It hurt that he lied and feels very disrespectful. You should try and talk to your ex's new wife one on one with out your ex there. I mean honestly offer her an olive branch and explain your intentions arent to disrespect her and see. My ex's new wife and I have a great relationship. I tried the same with my fiancee's ex and in turn recieved the worlds ugliest letter of no thanks ever typed on planet earth. Fo r the life of me I will never understand hating someone with a passion for years and years for absolutely no reason. Its very sad and has made life with what will soon be my step sons very hard. Her hate of me has blinded her to the pain she has caused her own sons in the situation.

Emily - posted on 01/03/2013

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I'm on the other side of this issue, I guess, but it's always good to try to see other points of view. I live closer to my ex's family than he does by a good hour or hour and a half, and so I take my daughter to visit them. If I just drop her off over there, then I'm accused of using his family as babysitters, and if I spend time over there then I am accused of trying to get back together with him. He also says its not fair to his step kids who don't get to see their grandparents as often, and that this makes my daughter get special treatment. He and his wife both asked me to leave his family alone, but if I left them alone they would only see my daughter once or twice a year and that doesn't seem fair to them since we live so close. I don't think its always the evil ex. Almost everyone is somebody's ex, and the ex might be holding on to the family because they want their kids to someday be able to have graduation parties and wedding receptions where everyone can get together without fighting, and because its more important for your child to have a relationship with as much of his family as possible than to keep one or two members from getting upset because they feel the ex is invading their lives. There's no need for 2nd wives to feel insecure because they are loved by the son and that makes them valuable to the family; that makes them family.

Diane - posted on 12/27/2012

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My fiancee pulled a doosy the other night. We have had a very difficult five years because of his ex that decided to start a hate campaign towards me from the day we started dating. His family of course labels her as sister in-law still and all has nothing to do with me. then after his sons Christmas concert I missed to stay home finish cleaning HIS house and finish wrapping HIS presents for them he takes his family, children, and ex out to eat! I was and still am devistated. I told him how disrespectful I thought it was and he became very defensive tried to say he just wanted to eat with his sons and since it was her weekend she came to but on several occasions and I know this time as well she would have let them go alone with him and his parents. I know he invited her and whats even worse, he called after the concert to tell me he and his mom and sons were going to eat. he left out the tiny detail that his ex was also going.

T - posted on 11/18/2012

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My husbands family doesn't consider me family. But they LOVE his exwife , they are friends with them on fb. They all hang out together, she is always over for family functions.

Sara - posted on 11/16/2012

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Stephanie, don't let it bother you. the MIL probably had a good relationship with her, but what matter is your relationship with your hubby, he LEFT HER for a good enough reason, and CHOSE YOU for a good enough reason. Second wives ARE THE BEST! xoxox

Sara - posted on 11/16/2012

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Elizabeth, my husband's family are friends on FB with hubby's ex, It doesn't bother me because I know the only reason they did that is to have 411 on their nephew ( she had a child with hubby out of wed lock, although hubby did not wanna have children with her, he decided to marry her for the baby's sake, the marriage only lasted 10 months or so), she is very childish, the kind of woman that would call and fabricate stories about my hubby trying to get back with her while visiting the child,) That type of stuff. But I know that she is just a miserable, jaleous human being who desperatly wanted to keep a man who never wanted to share anything with her, To him she was a passing GF, To her it was I AM GONNA FORCE YOU TO BE WITH ME. They are exes for a reason honey! They behave that way on purpose to create problems, don't let it get to you!! xoxoxox

Chloe - posted on 11/05/2012

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My husbands ex has slept with everyone in our small town It would be hard to find anyone that wasn't her "friend" lmao

Chloe - posted on 11/03/2012

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OMG my friend's fiancee's ex-wife is on Facebook and he has cousins and Aunts that are friends with her. The only problem is she writes nasty stuff about him and NOT one of them stick up for him. He doesn't see it because he has her blocked but this lady is relentless. Going on & on about what he did while they were together. Never what SHE did though. They all admit that they Know she is crazy but no one EVER says it lmao. But I would MOST certainly be upset!

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