please give me some suggestions on how to help my son listen better

Diana - posted on 12/14/2009 ( 5 moms have responded )

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my son was born september 6th 2005. his father and i arent together anymore, and havent been since my son was 2 weeks old and he moved out when Mychael was 5 months old.

we have been doing an alternating monthly custody, he will be with his dad one month and then with me the next. when i have my son he doesnt listen to me very well at all, and argues with me over everything. he has started lying regularily. he wont mind me in public, i have physical therapy 2xs a week and i dont have any one to watch him for me and when we are there its hard for me to get my physical therapy accomplished because i have to chase him around the physical therapist's office. he wont take naps for me, he will keep getting out of his beg and opening his door, or screaming for me and crying, and telling me NO! i dont want to! has an attitude with me when ever i ask him to do anything, and basically acts like i am someone with out any authority what so ever.

around november of last year i was in transitional living and i wanted what was best for my son, and for him to have a stable living environment so he went to stay with his dad for 6 months, durring which time his father basically disappeared and moved to oregon to be with his girlfriend. he told me that he was going to come back on thanksgiving and that we were going to go to his mother's house to eat. i didnt know where he moved as he didnt give me an address, and his cell phone was turned off durring this time period. the only way that i had to contact his father was via myspace. he wouldnt respond to my messages. FINALLY i got a call back from his father, and i started having my son back every other month. and dujrring the 6 months that he was with his father i stopped having any type of 'authority' in mychael's eyes, or thats at least how it seems.

mychael's father is engaged to a woman that mychael also calls mom, and it feels like durring the time that he was at his dad's house for those 6 months that he started seeing her as his mother. it really hurts, that he doesnt listen to me.

i have tried talking to him, time outs (which he wont sit still durring for me 95% of the time), taking away privilages, having him stay in his room, yelling at him, i have even tried spanking his butt a time or 2, i feel like im at a loss here, and not sure exactly what to do. i am engaged, and mychael listens to his future step father better then he does to me. when my fiance talks to him, he doesnt talk back, or give him any problems, he listens. im not working right now, so i am home with him all day durring the months that i have him, and when my fiance is at work its a real battle of will or so it seems. it seems like not one day goes by durring the week that we have a good day with out me having to exhaust myself with trying to find ways to help him with his behavior. and nothing is working.

i love my son, and its really hard on me when he behaves this way. i am open to suggestions from other moms. i have been looking online to try to find something to try that works. i want to be able to spend more time having fun with mychael then i do with behavioral battles. i mean i would be happy if we had a few good days a week, other then just on weekends when my fiance is home.

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5 Comments

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Yvette - posted on 08/20/2010

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My son was born 09/18/05, and same thing, my son sees his father every weekend, and he has a huge listening problem, so frustrating, when you speak to them it feels like they dont even hear you, but when his stepfathher talks to him he listens. I think its something to do with men, they have a more controlling voice over women. I had a friend who had suggested a time out with an appropriate time, eg. if they are 4 1/2 and very proud of that 4 1/2, to adivse them that they will be going to be in that time out for that period of time, because for kids time is forever to them. My husband and I have also started a daily chart with our son, he has so many tasks a day that he has to complete, gets a sticker and by the end of the week if his chart is full of stickers he gets rewarded, we started of small as in a dollar store toy, and by the end of the month he gets to do something fun, I am from Edmonton area, so my son absolutley loves Galaxy Land!

Little things like that encourage a child that good behaviour is rewarded, and when he is being bad, knows that he doesnt get a sticker for that day, but also knows that he can fix it, by changing his behaviour.

Being positive when they are being positive helps a lot! but then we have to remember as frustrating as it is, they are just kids!

But the whole every weekend with his father, and half the time, its with his grandparents, they let him get away with everything, which promotes his bad behaviour, a toy every time he goes to a store, or candy or gum, doesnt matter, and he knows that he just has to push them around and he will soon get it. I have tried talking to his grandparents numerous of times, and it works for the first week and then the next they are right back at it again...it is very frustrating.

April - posted on 02/27/2010

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Hey, my name is April. My daughter was born 9/14/05... OMG I am having the SAME issues with my daughter.. Her father and I are trying to work things out together.. But I also have been trying to work on my daughter's behavior.. I have just about tried everything... I mean EVERYTHING... One last thing I reallly feel the same way on how I would like to have a few good days out of a whole week.. my daughter will behave herself and give me a break.and have fun together.. idk..... But one thing I do know, I am not giving up... There has to be something we could do.

Jessica - posted on 01/20/2010

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I understand fully. I have an 11 year old stepson who has been living with us for the past 3 years (my hubby and I have been together for 8 years). We also tried our best to avoid going through a custody battle as we both felt that it would do more damage than good. It was really tough because like you, we also felt that him living there wasnt really in his best interests. Thankfully, his bio mom agreed to let him live with us and she usually sees him every alternate weekend and some holidays - basically whenever she wants to see him. I will keep you in my prayers and hope that everything works out for you on friday!!! Good luck.

Diana - posted on 01/20/2010

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his father moved 3 hours away. and gas was expensive going to and from. we didnt have anything through the court system until i filed recently. we were trying to keep things out of the court system because personally i wanted to try to keep my son from expieriancing the nightmare that a custody battle can be for a child. my parents divorced before i was 2 and then proceeded to have a lengthy custody battle. Mychael's father has been being really difficult to work with as far as parenting and there are several situations that point to the fact that Mychael being at his fathers isnt the best thing for him. i dont want to go into alot of details about all what they are here in a public forum, but i will say this, im glad that i filed for full physical and joint legal. i have a custody hearing on the 22nd which is this friday.

Jessica - posted on 01/20/2010

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Wow - I take my hat off to you. Its a pretty tough situation all round and I am sure it is very confusing to your son as well. The only advice I can offer, is to constantly show him and tell him how much you love him. I would also be consistent in the discipline area - for e.g. if you are going to go with "time outs", you need to follow through with it, no matter how many times you have to pick him up and put him back, you cant back down and give in, otherwise he will learn that if his behaviour is bad enough and he puts up enough of a fight, he will eventually win. The other thing is to stay as calm as possible (which I know is very hard to do sometimes) The first few days will probably be a nightmare, because he will try everything to get his way, but eventually, if you stay firm on it, he will realise that he cant get away with it anymore. Also, If I may ask, why do you alternate custody on a monthly basis? The reason I ask, is that maybe this also contributes to his behaviour. I can only imagine how hard it must be for a little boy to not see his mommy for a whole month at a time (and i can also imagine this is hard for you too) Maybe seeing him more frequently, say every other week, would help matters too (obviously i dont know your situation so its just a suggestion). I hope you find a way that works for you so that you can enjoy your little boy and the time you spend with him. Good luck and persevere!! it will be worth it in the end!!!

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