Cristisism over boundries

Kat - posted on 06/07/2010

Gee Lucy the point of this isn't to beat each other down. When I say they are silly or unimportant I mean that she wouldn't really mess with the stove but I tell her that it is hot anyway. We don't go for walks on a daily basis because I wouldn't need to tell her to look both ways while crossing the street but please don't pay attention to the drug deals. We live in a town that has a lot of bad that is in nice-ish neighborhoods to the point that I don't leave the house without my husband for our safety. But then who knows maybe I should point out to my daughter that the seemingly nice men who ask you if you want something aren't asking you if you want the kind of candy that is okay to eat. I don't really add to them just reinforce them and she is learning a great deal about action and consequences. Many that are unimportant are mostly don't climb on that and don't go in Dad's room (it holds all of his hunting and fishing gear). Things that really unless she falls she wouldn't get hurt too much but still she needs to learn that she can't go everywhere. I have already found that after about three days of being informed what her boundaries are she doesn't need to be reminded and she respects them. I hardly have to say no or don't and only unnecessarily remind her that the stove is hot because lets face it even if they respect it doesn't mean we should run the risk of our children suddenly forgetting and letting their curiosity get the better of them.
Oh and another thing about taking walks to instill boundaries she is too scared of cars to even be willing to cross the street and insists on being carried. She also insists on holding my hand from the second she leaves the house until she is in her car seat and then from her car seat to any stores we go to you get the picture. Never had to point that one out it is just her thing.

Lucy - posted on 06/07/2010

I'm all for boundaries- Kids need them to keep them safe and to learn appropriate behaviour.

But I would worry that if arbitrary boundaries are introduced, especially if they are different each day, this could stop the child from taking them seriously. For me, the most important thing about boundaries is that the child understands why they exist, so if there is no real reason that is pretty confusing.

My son is a similar age to your daughter, and I totally sympathise with the urge to instil boundaries on a daily basis, but I think it makes more sense to work on the ones that really matter. If you are at home and there are no particular boundary challenges, maybe you could take your daughter for a short walk that involves crossing
roads, or do some cooking with her to teach her about not touching the hot oven or sharp utensils.

I see where you're coming from, but I just think there are enough essential boundaries in life that kids NEED to understand and adhere to, without confusing the issue with ones that don't really matter.

Kat - posted on 06/03/2010

Victoria-Many of my boundaries are that of safety just like you said you do. The only silly boundaries I have is like if we are in the house and we aren't doing anything where she is needing to follow boundaries I create on boundary that is easy to follow such as don't go in this room or don't climb on this. That way she has something she has to follow everyday. It is something that I started because she doesn't hear no and don't do that often because there wasn't a need so I felt the need to teach her how to listen and follow so that she understands what a boundary is to know how to follow it when it counts. I know you weren't saying anything against me I just wanted to clarify.

Victoria - posted on 06/03/2010

I am of the opposing view. I found that my older kids were hearing "No/Don't" too much, so they stopped listening to it. The only boundries I now set are for safety: no jumping off the furniture, hold hands in the parking lot/ crossing the street, never out of the fence without an adult, etc. Of course, you are the mom & you have to make decisions that are right for your own children so to the ladies who criticize you, I would tell them just that, "You raise your kids, I'll raise mine thanks." I have 6 year old twins & they completely follow the rules as there aren't many so they know they must be important. As for personal boundries, I teach them do unto others... they wouldn't want a stranger in their face so... we really have never had that type of problem.

Lyndsay - posted on 05/29/2010

Nope! I agree with you completely! My son knows that when I say "not right now" I don't mean "never", I mean maybe later. Its important for children to understand that they don't need to be stimulated 24/7, they don't need to be given instant gratification, and they certainly do need to respect boundaries and limits.

I was at a McDonalds play land the other day with my son. For awhile we were the only ones there, then this older boy came in (probably like 7 or 8) and was hugging me and trying to kiss my hand. His mom was sitting out in the restaurant area reading a newspaper. I had to tell the kid that you don't just go up to random people and do things like that, it makes them uncomfortable and its not polite. I think that personal space boundaries are SERIOUSLY neglected in this day and age and more parents would do well to build the foundation from the very beginning.

Alison - posted on 05/24/2010

definitely never too early! my son turns 3 in September but has been given strict boundaries since he was crawling. means we've never had to use child locks on cupboards for example, so we feel confident whever we go he'll be safe if we tell him where he can & can't go

Kat - posted on 05/23/2010

Thank you. I figure get her while she is young. Some are a little crazy because I kinda have her to scared to walk in a parking lot because I was honest about what happens if a car hits you. But other than that one I really have just done silly ones.

Erin - posted on 05/23/2010

At this point, with a 2 1/2 year old, whatever works, works. I think you could be on to soemthing. My girl has always listened and done what I asked the majority of the time, but she's trying to be her own person now and pushing her limits. But it's hard to define them! If you can show her that there are consequences to everything and at an early age then kudos to you!