We need help with discipline!! Please help us!!

Bobbye - posted on 06/30/2010 ( 8 moms have responded )

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Ok so we are reaching our last straws and don't know what to do. This kid has gone above and beyond the terrible two's. Dad won't take him in for behavior tests even though it has been suggested many a time by many people and there isn't anything I can do because I am not the mom. But we have tried EVERYTHING. We tried time out, yelling, being nice, using logic, trying compromise, taking away his TV, not letting him watch his shows, taking away his favorite toys, we tried small spankings as well. Not a thing is making a bit of difference!! Please we need help we are slowly losing it because we can't send him to his mother's due to her lack of concern for his health and safety. Not to mention that he always has a really bad cold. But if there is ANYONE out there that can give us some suggestions we would greatly appreciate it!! We are tired of yelling because we don't know what to do!! Please and thank you!! With appreciation two lost and frustrated adults being run ragged by our little man!!

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Angie - posted on 07/23/2010

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I was reading your comments about the things that you do to try to get him to listen to you. It sounds like he gets a lot of attention from you when he is misbehaving. It sounds like he is enjoying the attention and allowing his behavior to become more extreme as you continue to pay more attention to it. I am not saying that you don't pay enough attention to him. You could watch him carefully and try to really try to reward whatever good behavior that you see so that he will continue doing those kinds of things. Also, give lots of hugs and attention before he starts misbehaving so he doesn't go looking for attention.
When he is naughty, you could take him to another room where he can't get attention. One without toys, or things that he can play with. Ignore whatever you can ignore, if he starts banging his head or destroying property you will have to intervene in some way. You need to consistently do the same thing each time he misbehaves. The consequence has to come immediately after the misbehavior. Give him a warning. Tell him that if he does not stop that behavior, that he is going to half to sit (wherever that place is that he is completely by himself). If he doesn't stop, then put him there. (most people say one minute per year of age). Do not let him get up until he has been quiet for 2 minutes.
Taking away t.v. might not be an immediate enough consequence for a two year old. They probably are not going to remember why they are not watching t.v. half the time. Reasoning with them doesn't work because there isn't a whole lot of logic at this age.
With my son, I try to help him learn how to communicate. I try to give him the words he might be looking to say when he is angry. When they learn to communicate they are less frustrated.

I have a 2 year old and take care of 2 more of them during the day and spent several years in day care taking care of infants through age 5. These are some of the things I have tried with other children as well as my own.

Peggy - posted on 07/07/2010

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My son is almost 3 and has language and sensory processing issues. He is non verbal so discipline is a challenge. We are now meeting with a behavioral therapist. She told us to document what happens right before the negative behavior starts. It helped us to find his triggers. What are the behaviors that you are worried about?

Bobbye - posted on 07/06/2010

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I think it's funny that you suggest super nanny. I actually spent a week on youtube watching super nanny clips looking for ideas. But thus far sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. Maybe I will just have to have dad watch some of it and go from there

Jacquetta - posted on 07/06/2010

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Have you ever watched Super Nanny? Seriously, we try to model our discipline off of how she does it, and it works very well (we have 4 kids, with another on the way). If there is some medical reason as to why the child is acting out, then obviously you need medical attention. You are involved in raising the child (apparently)...so make an appointment and take him in. If the father won't cooperate, perhaps that is part of the problem. I don't think any healthy child will want to sit in time out all day, so if there is consistency, calm discipline, and no other medical reason for the issues, then it really should help. Good luck.

Jenelle - posted on 07/02/2010

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I would also suggest a visit to the pediatrician. It's really hard to say what could be going on, but they should be able to at least have some tests or more knowledge into how to find out what could be causing any extreme behavior.

I also agree that all parties should be completely open minded (as it sounds like you are) to any and all advice the pediatrician and any other experts might give.

Good luck!

Bobbye - posted on 07/02/2010

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The behaviors range from open defiance, throwing a fit no matter if he is getting what he wants or not, throwing toys, not going to bed, running in the house, and asking for something and then telling us he doesn't want it and then asking for it as soon as he doesn't have it any more. I know that these all sound like normal two year old things but they are at the extremes with this kid. He is completely unmanageable. And we give each method about a week and a half and we never see any results with him.

Jeneva - posted on 07/01/2010

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Not knowing what the behavior is and how long you are giving each of those disciplines I would suggest taking a trip to the pediatrician. All of you. Talk to the pedi via phone ahead of time giving a heads up on what you want (an evaluation) and see what they say. Daddy needs to man up and do what is best for his son, regardless of how he feels about the possible outcome.

Alice - posted on 07/01/2010

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A book, trust me, "Have a New Kid By Friday" by Dr. Kevin Leman. This thing is amazing and right on. If you do what he says, you get amazing results.

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