What method do you or have used to discipline your 2 to 3 year old and what results have you experienced?

Katrina - posted on 07/02/2010 ( 9 moms have responded )

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Hi my name is Kat. My daughter will be 3 this September and is my only child. Her dad and I have different approaches when it comes to disciplining our daughter. I sometimes think being a stay at home I have had seen the effectiveness of things I have tried and the response of those that were not so effective. I am not particularly fond of spanking as any form of discipline and has seen it result in the fear it causes between parent and child. Before I being a mother I attended college and had a wonderful psychology professor would spoke of discipline of a child and describe the effect of spanking and the gentlest pat of the hand can result in such a reaction. Also the effect it not only has on the child but on the parent. I know those of you reading this if you have every used spanking has likely experience of the motherly guilt that is associated with it. I have found with my daughter that keeping calm and responding to the negative behaviors with a compassion is more effective than of anything else I tried. I can always tell the differences between when I respond rather than react. I would like for all to share their experience here and advice here.
Thanks
Kat

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9 Comments

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Melissa - posted on 08/03/2010

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I've read 1-2-3 Magic! It's a great book, and yes, it is a very effective way to discipline. I use a variation of that method with my daughter (who's almost 3) and she responds the best to it.

The book is great cuz it addresses 2 major points. 1) You are letting your child make their own decision and teaching them to deal with consequences of their actions. And 2) You are making a conscious effort to leave emotions out of discipline. Situations that require discipline are often very emotionally charged anyway, so if you remain calm it can diffuse the situation.

I think that hitting/spanking is reacting emotionally (or over-emotionally) and is just plain old not necessary. My own personal beliefs, everyone is entitled to their own. But logically speaking, spanking comes from a very emotional place. It's a reaction, not a decision. If memory serves, this issue is also discussed in the book.

Highly recommend this book for effective discipline techniques! 1-2-3 Magic by Thomas W. Phelan

Erin - posted on 07/29/2010

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I was told by a friend of mine (who has 9 children and they are ALL super well behaved) to get the book 1-2-3 Magic. I am telling you, it works WONDERS! It's a simple read with GREAT tips and information and there's no more yelling. It's simply a book to tell you how to, well, count to 3, but in a VERY effective way! And, it works fast if you're consistent. It works best if both parents do it, but, it can work if just 1 does it too. I would suggest, if you get the book, that you have your husband read it too or teach him what you're learning. My husband wasn't too interested until he saw it in effect and now he agrees that it is a wonderful method of discipline. Good luck to you! :-) Oh, and I agree with you 100% about spanking. I don't like that at all! In my opinion, all it teaches it to hit if you don't like what's happening or that it's ok to hit to get what you want... and, as you said, it inflicts fear and hurt feelings. That's no way to discipline. Parents need to be firm, but fair and we need to discipline with love.

Bianca - posted on 07/25/2010

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At the end of the day its all about what works for you and your child isn't it? Some people find that smaking never helps whereas I think in certain situations it's needed.

Lyndsay - posted on 07/24/2010

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For the most part, I agree with you. Time outs are usually my go-to method. I will send my son to his room to take space, where he can calm down and regain control of himself. It's not so much a punishment; he's still allowed to play with his toys, he is just having some quiet time to come back to an appropriate level. When I go in to relieve him, we will sit down together and talk about why he was sent to his room. I don't force him to apologize, I just tell him what he can do next time.

As for the spanking thing... I do think that a smack on the butt or the hand can be effective. It has its uses. For example, if my son hits me I will hit him back. I'm not going to punch him in the face or brutally assault him, but I will let him know that hitting hurts and people don't like to be hurt. My son is not aggressive, AT ALL, and though it may not work with everybody's kids, it worked with mine.

Bianca - posted on 07/17/2010

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We tryed just steering her away from hot things but she just turned it into a game. My young lady is very good at turning things into games if it looks like she might get in trouble! ONly had to smack her once and she;s never done it again.

LeighAnne - posted on 07/16/2010

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Hi Kat...I agree with you completely. If I'm in the room when the behavior starts turning bad and if she is really throwing a fit...I calmly walk up to her, pick her up, gently, and walk outside with her. Or to another room if it's raining out. I don't say a single word to her until she stops crying, kicking, whatever. As soon as she calms down, then I talk to her about what happened. It's not nice to throw your toys. You break them and other things around them when you throw them. If you throw that toy again, I'm putting it in the garbage. do you understand. I make her say yes mam...and it's over. I've tried forcing an "I'm sorry" oh that just became a huge battle of wills and NO one won!!!!! Yes if they are in immediate danger like a hot stove, I mean you do what you got to do, but redirection I find works wonders. If she's throwing a fit for something her dad said no to, I find something I know she likes to do and suggest we do it instead. Sometimes her dad doesn't agree with me either..but we always sit down and talk about it after she's gone to bed.

Bianca - posted on 07/15/2010

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I have found that sometimes a smack is needed. I don't agree with it but when she reaches for the hob/oven a short sharp smack (not leaving a mark obviously) stops her straight away and teaches her not to do it.
Not sure if other people think that's wrong but I'd rather she got a smack then a burn

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In most cases I think spanking is an out-of-control emotional response... and not very effective. Being firm and consistent get the best results in my experience. It really helps to discuss things with your child during a calm moment. I'm always amazed by the things my kids remember from such conversations. Talking and discussion helps form understanding and mutual respect.... I think you have the right idea. Good luck!

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