kinda embarrassing and personal...

Jacki - posted on 01/14/2010

Thank you all so much for both the support and understanding..i've had to take a hard look at myself and realize that i am depressed, and that may be why i'm feeling this way..i wrote him an email (he works out of town every week and it's very difficult for me to bring up the subject verbally) and was completely honest about how i felt..it actually made me feel a bit better, like i unloaded alot of stress by doing it..now i'm making an appt. to speak with my OBGYN regarding the birth control i'm on and anti-deppressants i should be on...thank you all soo much, i hope this gets better for us.

Theresa - posted on 01/14/2010

I have not had this problem, but I would suggest being honest with him. Tell him him how much you love him and that you WANT to be intimate, but just don't have the drive. Then talk to your doctor. Hormones could be out of balance because of the pregnancy/birth or because of birth control you may be on. Postpartum depression can also cause a loss of sex drive.

Jenn - posted on 01/14/2010

you should "google" lack of sex drive and maybe talk to your ob about it...could it be a hormonal thing? maybe there's a perfectly good explanation for it, medically speaking. you are sooooooooo not alone! my cousin and i were just having this discussion. good luck!

Suzanne - posted on 01/13/2010

Check with your doctor, it may be your birth control. After having a baby your hormones can go crazy. Sometimes you need to go on something or change something you are currently taking to get yourself back on track. A pill that never bothered you before mayb know throw your hormone levels off. I had to change my bc pill 2 times after having my son because I had so many issues and didn't feel like myself.

Shavaughn - posted on 01/13/2010

Wow.... It sounds like you've been living in my house! My husband and I had this problem for the longest. It actually started while I was pregnant. I breast-fed the first year, and I was told it was because of all the extra hormones. I understood, but that didn't give my husband much comfort. Then, when I stopped breast feeding, I thought my drive would come right back. But, of course it didn't. It's now Jan. and I'm just starting to get back to my normal self. It's definitely not like before, not to sound like a cliche but it's true, we[ my husband] were like rabits. Hints my daughter, lol. But I found that in a way, I had to "re-train" my body. I mean a lot of times, I hate to say it, but I would be doin it just for him. I still felt bad, but I had no desire. I couldn't even explain it. It was to the point where I didn't want him to even touch me because I didn't want it to lead to anything. But, whenever I would feel just a little bit of anything I had to push myself to just go with it. It's get easier and my desire is returnning, but it's not like before. It's better, and i feel like tryinning when "some" of the mood is there is better then not at all. I feel like it's gettin better for us and I hope it will for you too..

Jenna - posted on 01/13/2010

It took me a year to work up the nerve to bring this up with my doctor (and we have a really good relationship!). After finally confessing to her, she told me that it happens a LOT. You get too into mommy-mode and don't really realize it, kwim? In my case, it's also the Prozac I'm on. (If you're on pretty much ANY antidepressant other than Wellbutrin, you'll notice this effect.) But don't feel bad or embarassed - it's more common than you think! ♥ The only thing I can really recommend for you is, TALK to him about it. HTH!

Sunrise - posted on 01/13/2010

Can I send you some of my libido?.... it seems to be on overdrive.

Loosing your libido during or after pregnancy is VERY common and you are NOT alone. Especially if you breastfeed which tends to dry things out much more. Usually when you let up on BF'ing or between 1 and 2 if you don't BF it will slowly come back. BUT there are plenty of cases where that does not happen.

I have had several close friends that used romance novels to help motivate them to have the desire to be intimate. All kidding aside I've heard some moms say they Twilight books have given them the renewed desire to be with their significant other. They've said the books gave them the giddy high school infactuations with their husbands/SO that they once felt at the beginning. Like falling in love all over again. Maybe try to pick up a book and imagine (ahem, fanticize) that it's you?

Another thing, is being intimate for many women is more emotional and mental than physical. Sometimes you have to psych yourself into being in the mood. Maybe thinking about him and thinking about you coming onto him periodcally throughout the day would help? I know many women that can't get in that mood if they are to mentally stressed or distracted.

This can be a tough time on both of you. Make sure you are open with your SO and let him know you think about him but you physically aren't "there" yet. Let him know you are investigating it and trying to find a root to the issue but you need his love and understand. Let him know this really gets you down to, this may help him feel like your not just finding him undesireable. Hopefully you have a solid foundation and he will stand by you.

Christy - posted on 01/13/2010

After I had my daughter, my sex drive went completely out the window. It took about a year for it to come back, but that was after a lot of hard work on my part. I did find though that if I intiated sex myself I would get in the mood a lot quicker. After my son was born I didn't lose my sex drive, but I have noticed... a year later... that my sex drive has slowed down. To off set this I have encouraged my husband to put the romance back into our marriage. Such as dates without the kids, evening massages, soft music and candles, sexy evening wear, etc. We both seem to be enjoying the process.

Jodie - posted on 01/12/2010

i had that problem as well im still kinda battleing it.... have u lost all of ur weight from ur pregnancy i didnt loose any until recently ive been workin out and eating right and i quit drinking soda i lost 12 pounds in the last month and found myself "in the mood" more often. i just went on birth control last week im on the patch now i dunno if that has anything to do with it but i doubt it.....and dont be embarrassed to talk to ur doc about it and dont be embarrassed here eithere because know ur not alone on this

Tracy - posted on 01/12/2010

I also lost my sex drive for a long time after. Recently I have started intiating sex even though I am not in the mood. It seams to be helping - I find that I am in the mood more often now. Good luck. I don't think it is the beginning of the end at all

Chelskii - posted on 01/12/2010

i also lost my sex drive, during pregnancy and long after.. i got into a new relationship in july and explained that i was scared because id had a 3rd degree tear n i hadnt had sex for a while etc.. he understood.. at first i was like ugh sex yuk lol.. but we turned each other on before anything proper sexual started.. like massages n touching each other n exploring each other, then you just go with the flow..now the sex is amazing.!

it might be that you dont find him sexually attractive anymore no matter how much you love him.. or your scared .. try different things.. if u aint ever tried dressing up.. try that.. or massaging n touching each other.. exploring each others bodies.. i hope you get your sex drive back soon love :) xx

Latisha - posted on 01/12/2010

That is kinds personal, but we have not had any problems there, even during the pregnancy. But I did have a friend that was on birth control (Ortho Evra Patch) and it was cause emotional problems that lead to not having the urge to want it. Are you on any birth control that the hormone levels may be effecting it, or are you on any medications that may effect it? I talk to your doctor and see what he/she thinks! I hope this helps and good luck with getting it back!