My dad gets really mad if i am busy and don' take my daughter over

Sophina - posted on 03/08/2010 ( 8 moms have responded )

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I have been have massive battles with my dad over my daughter,He wants to see her everyday and at times I am quite busy,he wants me to drop whatever i am doing and just drop my daughter off and when i say no i have plans or i am busy he gets really mad and says I am using her to control him,I don't know what o say to him anymore this happens every other day..Any Advice?

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Sophina - posted on 03/10/2010

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Thanks alot for your input ladies I appreciate it!! Yazmina my daughter is 18 months,My mom is the one who mainly takes care of her when i drop her over at times,The last I heard from my dad was on friday, i Have not called him and he has not called me.I feel bad but He has to learn not to get upset when i am busy and can't drop baby over EVERYDAY,My mom has not called either so let it be he will eventually figure it out. Thanks a bunch again ladies!!

Gemika - posted on 03/10/2010

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I had the same thoughts as Kapri. I don't have any idea about any of the details or what your father is like, but it sounds kinda creepy as an outsider that he is being so aggressive over seeing your little girl every day, and from the sounds of things, alone... How old is she? You are the primary authority in your child's life and you have a responsibility to make the best decisions for her, and for yourself. Regardless of the situation you need to set some boundaries. Seeing him every day is an unreasonable expectation on his behalf. If he is lonely, then I can somewhat understand but nevertheless you need to not be afraid to set some boundaries. He may react badly, but that doesn't matter, he needs to know that he can't win by overpowering you with a negative reaction.

Kapri - posted on 03/09/2010

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Please know that I dont mean to offend here, just want to also offer my thoughts. How old is your daughter? When your father wants to spend time with her is it specifically time alone with her or is it great if you stay the entire time too?

Michelle - posted on 03/09/2010

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I'd want to hear your dad's situation a bit more then "he's demanding to see her" and what i mean by this is... "is he lonely?" is this his last grandchild? Did his partner recently die leaving him alone? Does he maybe feel like he missed the rest of them and is now afraid he'll miss her too.

My mother in law is the same way... but mostly it's because they are older.. (my in-laws had my husband very late in life) so all their grandchildren are grown except for mine....

I'm just suggesting you look for an underlying reason to why he's being a bit demanding.. and hey maybe think about spending more time with him.... or see if he wants to take care of her now and again.. what can it hurt?

Sharon - posted on 03/09/2010

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I agree with Mrs. Tomas completely, a set schedule for visits is the greatest. You are the constant parent in your daughter's life. . .grandparents are the enjoyable pleasures of life and remember the old saying, "Absence makes the heart grow fonder"? Darn straight it does. My husband and I live with my mother and our little son Franklin (18 months in 2 days). He sees all 3 of us everyday and my mother (unless my son is misbehaving) will step in to hush him or hug him, but my husband and I are always there to take care of him every second. We drop him off at Nana and Grampa's once every other Sunday like clockwork so they can have alone time with him for 5-6 hours. I think grandparents should be a loving treat for our children. The hardest part for you. . .putting your foot down with your Dad in a respectful and gentle way so not to hurt his feelings. I'm sure in time, he will understand.

Natalie - posted on 03/09/2010

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Well, my parents (mostly my father) are like that as well, but I put a boundry. I set rules, especially after my eldest daughter started kindergarten! During the week, we cannot and will not visit anyone. During the weekend, if plans have not been made, we will gladly visit them. But while we are there, no matter what anyone else says, what mom and dad say (my husband and I) goes!

Talk to you dad, make him see that it's not that you don't want to visit him, it's just that you can't. I'm sure your dad will understand once you talk to him in a non-comfrontive way.

Perhaps it would be a good idea to set a weekly schedule as to where everyweek you visit him on the same day(s). We tried that as well, but it doesn't work for us because my parents travel very often for their business, but it might work for you!

Sophina - posted on 03/08/2010

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no ,no history This is not his 1st grandchild either it's his 7th and she's the only one he wants to see all the time.I know it's weird and i hate to say it but he's getting on my nerves..Don't know how to deal with him anymore..Thanks for replying back Dana!

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I don't know what to say.....that's a strange role for a grandfather to take?? Is there some history between you and ur father that would cause him to think that ur using her to control him?? I'm not blaming you; just tryin to get a better understanding of where he might be coming from??

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