when is a good age to take a child away from his/her mother

Elisha - posted on 01/29/2010

I am in Australia however I went through similar difficulties with my first child and his father... Have a chat with your GP and seek a counsellor to discuss your concerns with your child... Supervised visits can be conducted by a member of the court system rather than his mother and also in your presence.. you can also get a doctor to diagnose the chance of seperation anxiety and the need for your child to be close by... without being in your childs life it is crazy for them to allow your baby to go to strangers for such a long period of time... If you dont want this dig your heals in!!! Its amazing what you can do to reduce stress on you and your baby by appealing to professionals who will support you in court.. Hope all works out well...

Theresa - posted on 01/14/2010

Are you saying a court has OKed this? Most times the courts will start out with supervised visits if the father has not been in the child's life. If the father has been involved in her life than he is someone she trusts as well and is a different situation. If she knows and trusts her father it would probably be harder on you than her.

Ranj - posted on 01/09/2010

I would suggest your daughter being introduced to her father gradually, with you being there with her to begin with ( if your relationship with the father is amicable enough to do this ), so that she slowly begins to get used to him. To let him have her for a full 7 day's, when they have never met would be damaging for her. If the full circumstances are explained to the court, as in, your daughter has never met her father, they should be understanding of the situation and allow visitation to commence in stages as opposed to a full 7 day's.

Jennifer - posted on 01/08/2010

thank you both for your input and your ideas. It would be me in south carolina and him in new york. first it would start out that he visits sc for the weekend every month but then 6 months later his mother (the supposed supervisor) would pick my daughter up in sc and bring her to ny for 7 days to a house full of strangers (besides her father) it is just ridiculous it should definitely be a gradual thing and not just go from a visit once a month to 7 days with his family. thank you again!!

Sunrise - posted on 01/07/2010

I am divorced but my kids were much older. I would say if the dad is compassionate and understanding that this is unfamiliar to your daughter ask if he’s willing to make it a gradual transition. Maybe he’d be willing to meet you somewhere (McDonalds play place, or some play area or park) where he can have an hour or two with her where you can sit in the play area as well so she knows he’s an okay person. She needs to see that you’re comfortable around him. Kids often will pick up on the tone of their caregivers and if you feel tense and scared she may feel the same. Whereas if you felt relaxed she may relax and warm up to him to. A few days later (a gradual transition will take commitment on both of your parts) meet again on this time you sit father away. Again wait a few days (but not a whole week, that is far to long for a child this age), meet again and have him take her for a half day. And so on. The courts don’t care about how hard the transition is on the child. In their eyes they cannot ask you two to do a gradual transition because they cannot force you to commit that much time and it becomes far to complex for the courts to oversee. If her dad isn’t willing to do this for her benefit maybe you could practice being “away” from her by leaving her with a friend so she is settled into the idea of you not always being right there.



Just some passing thoughts. I know this can be just as hard on the mom as it is on the kids. Take the time she is with her dad and do something for yourself. Think of it as “mommy time” maybe it’s something as simple as taking a long hot bath, watching a movie or painting your toenails. Or maybe you could go out to dinner with a friend, sit at a bookstore, etc. Try to do things that will give you the much deserved break you have coming and not dwell on how your LO might be feeling (it will only make it harder on you). When she returns give lots of hugs and kisses.

Melissa - posted on 01/07/2010

Unless the circumstances are extreme (like you live on opposite sides of the country or even the world) I think if she barely knows her father & has never met his family that you would probably want to start small (a full 7 days for any toddler who only knows her mother is a bit extreme & she wouldn't understand where you went ~ the visit would also NOT be very fun for the other family either as she would be looking for you constantly & wary around all these new people) my 11 year old hasn't even spent that much time away from me with his fathers side (we've been split up his whole life) they simply just don't understand...Do you get along? For the sake of your daughter? If so, do lunch with them all..or a playdate somewhere where she could see them (with you so she feels comfortable) & then let her spend an afternoon with them & so on..work up to a weekend or whatever you can agree to...if you don't get along, there are places that will set up such things for you where you can see her thru a mirror & intervene if needed. There are lots of options as long as you are all willing to be open minded & remember that your daughters welfare is the most important factor. As much as it hurts to let her be with anyone else (like I said I understand because I had to go thru it too.) she does have other family besides you & you have to think of the long term as well...will she resent you for keeping her from them? Is she better off away from them? Not knowing your circumstances it is very hard for anyone else to judge... Please feel free to contact me if you need a shoulder or someone who has been there...Good luck :D