SIBLING LOVE/HATE -- HELP! NEED YOUR TIPS!

Rachel - posted on 08/02/2012

Most all children have a love hate relationship. The two key are 1. give each of them individual things to do. Let one help you check the mail, make it their own little job. Then let the other do another small job with you. This gives them something to do with just you, and apart from each other. The second thing is, it would be impossible to keep them apart all the time. Part of learning and growing into an adult is learning to be social with others. So make them do things together like clean their room, but perhaps giving them individual things within that. Like one child puts toys away while one puts books away. This helps them interact and nulls the fighting down some.

Olga - posted on 07/10/2012

My kids are amazing but one who sticks out which is Andrew he is autistic with passive aggressiveness and oppositional defiance disorder. I don't have any advice to give to anyone because with my son his challenges never end and I am always waiting to hear the miracle words that might bring peace in to my home. Whenever he is around no more peace, it is gone completely. The house gets full of anger, yelling from the smaller ones and the oldest stepping in to defend the little ones then my husband gets even more upset and it just becomes chaos. Which I have grown to expect when he is around and I don't let it bother me anymore but I feel it affects my 15 month old and my 5 year old and I pray it doesn't traumatize them. To put him in a facility would destroy him and we really can't afford it anyway. We have contemplated the idea for the sake of the rest. I just can't wait for him to grow older he is now a freshmen in High School and I believe He will have his own place by the age of 18 with little supervision from us but we still would have to manage his income and expenses. Until he can be independent. That is our dream anyways. He is so smart and does well alone. I test him to see how much he can do, being that he is high functioning this just might work.

Julie - posted on 07/03/2012

I wish I could say they got a long too.. Unfortunately, my children are 7yrs apart and have very different personalties. My daughter who is 9, is an in your face kinda kid. Where my son likes his space. They definitely have their moments of love and certain activities keep the peace. But, for the most part, no they don't. Not right now..

Alyssa - posted on 06/15/2012

try encouraging them to find a compromise on things to do and find common interests between them

Susan - posted on 06/13/2012

i wish i could say my kids get along and i could offer some tips. My kids fight like crazy brother and sister you know age differences gender differences out looks on life differences. My best way of dealing with the fighting after trying for years to make it stop and get them to work it out is i don't get involved unless there is gonna be a physical altercation then i just split them up in their own rooms so they can just get away from each other. I never take sides if i have to resolve a conflict i hear both sides and find a common ground both can live with so I am not dealing with the you always take her/his side battle that could and would happen. I am a very head strong and determined person same with my husband its no wonder my children are too they have strong opinions and strong feels and express them at will not worrying how it makes someone else feel that is something I am working with them over as we can be mad happy excited have an opinion but still respect others thoughts and feelings... its taking time but my kids are always there for each other they may fight and be mean to each other but no one else could ever say or do the things they do.

Ellie Richardson - posted on 06/07/2012

My kids fight constantly over the most ridiculous crap so Im open to any great tips any one can offer me. My oldest two are 11 months apart and my youngest is a year younger then my middle child.

Maggie - posted on 06/06/2012

Linda,
I'm sorry for your loss. If the problems stems from the death of their father, then you are smart to deal with those issues first and foremost. Your youngest was so young that she may be afraid she'll forget him and she takes it out on your oldest. I'm sure you've already talked to her about it and how little she was and that she's not expected to remember everything. One suggestion is to have her write a letter to him about her feelings and even about special events or birthdays that he missed. After she writes the letter, she could put it in a special place with his picture and add to it as she gets older.

Some rivalry is pretty normal, although it can drive us crazy as moms. It looks like they are a few years apart so that may also play into it. Their interests may be different. Is there anything they both like to do - like play a board game or video game or make a craft? Maybe if they do something fun together, they can see that they have something in common.

One last piece of advice: sit down with both of them and ask them, point blank, to tell you what bothers them about the other one - without anyone interrupting - and what solutions do they propose. This actually works because it let's them air out any resentments.

Good luck and let me know how it goes. ~~ Maggie

Linda - posted on 06/06/2012

My girls have a love/hate relationship. But there's nothing they wouldn't do for each other. Since losing there father suddenly they seem to be having a harder time getting along. My youngest was 4 when her Dad passed my oldest was 11. My youngest has such bitterness towards her big sister because in her words " it's not fair you spent more time with Daddy than me". How do I handle this situation? I also didn't take a lot of pics of her wt her Daddy. My guilt cup over runneths...This is my delimma any suggestions?