Am I wrong for not letting my son's dad see him

Zacharia - posted on 07/31/2009 ( 15 moms have responded )

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To make a long story short.I was living in Kansas when I got pregnant with my 2nd child, my son. The sprem donor was cheating on me with a 30 year old and the women tried to kill me over the sprem donor. So I moved to Georgia. I would talk to him every once in a while meanwhile he is not sending me anything for my son I had help from my family but anyway when my son was born he asked me if I was moving bck to Kansas cause he wanted to see his son and be there for his son. I said NO. Now my son will be one next month and the sprem donor called me last night basically talking about I need to grow up and let the past be the past. Why won't I let him be a father to his son. So my question to you is am I wrong for keeping his son from him. I look at it like this if he wouldn't have cheated then I would still be in Kansas with him. When I moved to GA he didn't help me in any kind of way but as soon as he I feel he put this on himself and if he wants to see his son so bad then he needs to make the effort to do that and not the other way around. But he also slip and told me last night that he wants us to get back together so now I feel he is trying to use my son for us to get back together which will never happen because I am engaged to a U.S Soldier and I told him that and he hung up... But what do you think I should do.

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Faith - posted on 01/01/2013

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Z, you are not keeping him from his son, if he wants a relationship with his son he will make that happen. Be careful returning to a man that lied, cheated, and endanger your life. Yes your son needs his father in his life, but you also need someone in your life that will love and respect you. Be prayerful.

Candice - posted on 12/31/2012

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Not wrong at all - if he associates with a woman whom tried to kill you what might his most recent associates try to DO to YOUR SON if you let him unsupervised visits - if he is serious about seeing his son tell him to move his ass to come see yous not the other way around!! Stupid Man.

DO NOT RISK your SONS WELLBEING.

Cecilia - posted on 12/25/2012

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I think that he messed up and should never again have a romantic relationship with you. With that said he should be allowed to have a relationship with his child. Mind you i'm not telling you to move back. Truth is you don't need to make it easy for him to see him. You do not need to fly your son out there, move out there or anything of the sort.

Simply tell him he can see his child but it has to be by his own steam. He has to put in the effort. The visits will be in your town, in a public place, such as a park. Calls to you must be about his child and only that. Any deviation of the conversation will only have one warning- after that the call will be terminated.

As far as him not giving you anything for your child, it's only been a month since the birth. Ask him if he is planning on sending child support. (discuss how much)If he says no, or just doesn't after awhile, go down and file for child support. It will not matter that you're in another state.

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Casey - posted on 01/02/2014

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Let him make ALL the efforts to be apart of his son's life. He didn't put his family first and even after you left he had an opportunity to help and show interest and he never did. Family 1st. Let your last mistake be your best teacher. Don't let the fact he cheat make you keep him away but def let him travel and make every effort to see his son. Good luck ma!

Terse - posted on 12/26/2013

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keep raising your son the best you can. if he wants him in his life, he will put him there, no matter what or how you feel. shame on these nothing ass niggas. be thankful for your new man, he seems to be a good example! good luck. Oh yea put him on child support, whether he pay or not.

Amy - posted on 12/23/2012

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stick to it if he wanted to be a part of his life he should of thought of that before he did what he did . And using him to get back together so wrong

Ashli - posted on 12/20/2012

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If he wants 2 do with your son then he will come to where your at and see your son.

SLTurner - posted on 12/17/2012

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Honestly as women, we need to understand just how different the male species is. They do not have the strength, tolerance, patience, or knowledge todeal with tough situations. We can't fault just the men' especially if we have layed up with them. We dealt with their sex, and now we aren't satisfied with the morning after. No, it's not fair. But we need to now think about our children first. For anyone raised in a single parent home I'm sure you can remember feeling so lost and unloved at times just wondering where the other parent is. Whenever possible, give your child the right to decide their fathers fate. Let that child come to a conclusion of their fathers character on their own. I promised my son when he was in the womb that I would never let my personal feelings toward his father affect his chances of having him in his life. He may be a horrible boyfriend/husband but he could be a great father down the road when given a second chance. Of course, this is not for every mother. Some fathers are just good for nothing and need to be kept at a distance. But sit back and think, am I fighting him for the right reasons?

Tamara - posted on 12/04/2009

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Okay I agree with Candice. I also am in almost the exact situation. I have a daughter and the father had nothing to do with me when i was pregnant, and then after I had her not even a month had gone by, but he wanted ME to bring her to his family in northern minnesota in December, ha. No way should my baby go out in the cold like that exspecially for them. He treated me like crap, and then when she was about 6 months old, i found out he turned gay, or bi, whatever he has a boyfriend. ya.

He also had told me to grow up, yet when I was pregnant, i'm the one who was working, living on my own and taking care of myself, while he lived, actually still lives with his parents! He is old enough to be on his own, he has a part time job as of like a month ago, other wise he is the one who needs to grow up!

I say if he cared about his son, or you for that matter he wouldn't have cheated! He should have thought about the future before hand!

Brooke - posted on 10/21/2009

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i was left the moment i told my boyfriend i was pregnant and have had no help from him since, my son is now 2. the father has also just started paying child support but still hasnt requested to see my son, but im sure its coming. he has males around him teaching him to be a good male and member of the community, but i have been thinking lately maybe he does need a dad, i dont want him to hate me when hes older because i didnt let him see his father, so my opinion is dont listen to everyone else, just listen to your head and especially heart, and do what you think is right for your son not yourself or his father, just your little boy, because he is the most important. peace to you and your family, i hope everything works out for the best!!

LISA - posted on 10/08/2009

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First, before he comes anywhere near you or your soon make sure you have court ordered full custody.....if he wants to see his son make him do all the work...he can fly to georgia to see him if he wants it bad enough......what happened between you and him can not stand in the way of the child's relationship with his parents but since you have beent there since day one for your baby and he has not then its now up to him to make the effort.

i was married to my sperm donar for 7 years and i left him when our boys were 5 and 6 due to extreme physical and verbal abuse......he lives 20 minutes away and has made NO effort in four years to see the boys or even call them.....some people just dont have hearts or a soul...you cant change that....just accept it and make the best life possible for you and your child.

Melissa - posted on 09/15/2009

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I think you should let him see you baby only if he comes to where you are and if its supervised.If you dont trust him dont let him take the baby out of your sight cuz if you do and you havnt been to court and recieved a court order that you have custody then he can just take that baby and not give him back.You have to be very very careful with that.I was in sort of the same situation and I went and saw a lawyer and thats what she told me.Now I have every thing in writing I had him sign it and get it notorized that he can see our daughter on so and so day and so and so time however I have full custody.lol the ironic thing since then honey he doesnt see her at all!He just wanted the drama,or hurt me by trying to take my baby.I just wanted to tell you all of this cuz if your anything like me im sure your worst nightmare is for someone to take your baby so just be careful.

Aisha - posted on 08/26/2009

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Do not deprive your child from seeing his father, "The Sperm Donor."
Is he truly a sperm donor, which is the second time I have seen it on Circle of Mom, or did he consent to be in the act? A sperm does not consent to being a Father or provider. A sperm donor simply signs the dotted line so that he will offer his seed so that you can produce a child. I'm not meddling. I have two (2) beautiful boys who have never seen their father.

It backfires. Your child that you love, will hate you for it. It is hard. If he doesn't want to be a provider make sure you do your part. Child Support/Friend of the Court him.
Trust and believe when he is ordered by the court to pay, things will get easier for you.

Katie - posted on 08/02/2009

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He definitely should ONLY see his son if he travels to where you are and makes the effort to be a dad, even if that means he does not get to be with you. There is no reason you should allow your son to think his biological father wants to be a part of his life if he is only using the idea of a child to get back with you. Real men stay in their kid's lives no matter what the relationship with the mother.

Candice - posted on 07/31/2009

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if he wants to see your son so badly he can go to where you are and see him. he has rights as a father, whether he pays support or not, whether he's an ass or not. not alot of rights, but if he is willing to travel to where you are, he has the right to see them. it is not your responsibility to go back to him or even to where he is. i wouldn't do anything until he is either willing to make the trip, or tries to sue for visitation. even if you sue for full custody, he will get SOME visitation.

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