CAN MY EX TAKE MY BABY FROM ME? SHE HAS HIS LAST NAME

Suzy - posted on 10/30/2010 ( 16 moms have responded )

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I HAVE A 16 MONTHS OLD BABY GIRL WHO I LOVE WITH ALL MY HEART, WHEN I WAS PREGNANT I FOUND OUT HER FATHER WAS CHEATING ON ME, WE WERE NEVER MARRIED, HE TREATED ME HORRIBLE, I SUFFERED ALOT IN MY PREGNANCY BUT YET STAYED WITH HIM, WHEN MY DAUGHTER WAS BORN WE GAVE HER HIS LAST NAME, AND SHE WAS BORN PREMATURE STAYED IN THE NICU ALMOST 3 MTHS, I LEFT HIM WHEN SHE WAS 1 MONTH OLD, AND HE HAS NEVER GAVEN ME ANY MONEY BECAUSE HE ISNT WORKING AND I NEVER ASKED FOR MONEY, I HAVE A GOOD STABLE JOB, MY MOM TAKES CARE OF HER WHILE I AM AT WORK, THE FIRST YEAR OF HER LIFE HE WOULD COME SEE HER LIKE EVERY 2 OR 3 WEEKS, THEN HE GOT A CAR AND IS COMING EVERY WEEKEND, SHE ISNT USED TO HIM AT ALL, SHE IS VERY ATTACHED TO ME, I BREASTFED HER FOR A WHOLE YEAR, SHE STILL HAS SOME PROBLEMS DUE TO BEING BORN PREMATURE, I EVEN HAD TO DO A CPR CLASS, AND HAD DONE CPR ON HER TWICE, SHE IS ALLERGIC TO ALOT OF THINGS AND ALSO SUFFERS OF ACID REFLUX, HER FATHER IS TELLING ME HE WANTS TO TAKE HER TO HIS HOUSE ON THE WEEKENDS AND I AM SO SCARED BECAUSE HE WOULDNT KNOW HOW TO TAKE CARE OF HER, HE HAS NEVER BEEN WITH HER ALONE, HE HAS THREATENED ME BEFORE THAT IF I GET WITH ANOTHER MAN HE WILL KILL HIM AND WILL TAKE MY BABY FROM ME, HE DOESNT EVEN HAVE A CAR SEAT FOR HER, OR A CRIB, AND HE IS LIVING WITH HIS PARENTS, HE HAS A CRAZY SISTER THAT I AM SCARED OF, SHE DOESNT WORK, DOESNT HAVE ANY FRIENDS, WONT TALK TO ANYONE AND DID HOMESCHOOLING SINCE 6 YRS OLD, SHE IS WEIRD AND SAYS SHE IS FIGHTING ALL THE DEMONS SHE HAS INSIDE HER, I AM SO SCARED HE WILL TAKE MY BABY AND THAT SOMETHING BAD WILL HAPPEN TO HER, IVE TOLD HIM SHE IS TOO LITTLE FOR HIM TO TAKE HER ALONE AND ALSO BECAUSE SHE HAS NEVER BEEN ALONE WITH HIM SHE CRIES WHEN HE CARRIES HER AND IM NOT AROUND. I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO, I DONT WANT HIM TO TAKE HER AWAY FROM ME, I AM OKAY WITH HIM VISITING HER IN MY HOUSE OR ME TAKING HER TO HIS PARENTS HOUSE AND STAYING THERE FOR COUPLE OF HOURS, I JUST DONT WANT HIM TO TAKE HER ALONE UNTIL SHE IS A LITTLE BIGGER. MAYBE I AM BEING SELFISH BUT I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO, HE HAS TOLD ME HE WOULD TAKE HER AWAY FROM ME, SHOULD I LET HIM TAKE ME TO COURT FIRST OR SHOULD I TAKE HIM TO COURT? WOULD I GET FULL CUSTODY? WHAT CAN I DO? SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME, I HAVE LOST MY APPETITE, I CANT STOP CRYING, I AM SO SCARED. PLEASE HELP ME

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Alisa - posted on 07/17/2011

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1) Don't let him take her. Her name is really not important for any of this.
2) Make him take you to court. Be sure to take all of your records - medical, proof of CPR, list of allergies.
3) when he makes a threat to kill you or a future boyfriend, take it seriously and file a domestic violence injunction. if you wait to tell the judge once he takes you to court, it looks like you're making it up.
4) start documenting EVERYTHING. every visit, every threat, every interaction between you and him or him and your daughter. write everything down....

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 01/11/2011

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I'm speaking from experiance here: Get an order of protection filed against him and make sure he's served with it. Make sure the police know that you're afraid of your ex,
Unless you get a lawyer involved at the moment he can legally take her from you since there is no movement to get custody. It's quite easy to get full custody of your child if you can prove that you're the more responsible parent. Also most states and provinces (Learned about canadian law thanks to my inlaws) will grant the mother custody reguardless.
You need to keep all documentation of conversations between yourself and your ex. Including those where he's made threats and behaiving erratically. This will help you in court (at least it did for me b/c i wasn't the one nearly getting arrested for not leaving when the police had told me to)
You're not being selfish, you're looking out for who's most important in your life. Your daughter. At this moment though unless you start to go through the motions you can't legally keep him from her. BUt you can require that he be supervised until you start the court proceedings. I would also recommend not allowing her to leave with him period.

Jessica - posted on 02/05/2012

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@Lenka I suggest you ask advice from an atty in England because I am in the USA and don't know the laws there but if I were you I would not put the father's name on the birth certificate. You can always add the father's name later if you so choose but you can never take it off. I know in the US if a father's name is on the birth certificate you need his permission to get a passport for a child and here I am required to get his written permission every time I wish to take my daughter out of the country. good luck

Peta - posted on 01/16/2012

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My daughter NEVER went ANYWHERE without me until she was 4 years old. The first time she went anywhere without my husband or myself was to my best friend's house for a sleep over. I've known my best friend for 33 years. Children are wayyyy too precious to even take a chance. I would say NO WAY!!!

Jessica - posted on 12/07/2010

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First off I would not take him to court, make him take you to court (he might even be required to pay your atty fees then) and he would have to pay the court fees to file but this is not a situation you want to start yourself. You are not being selfish, quite the opposite, you are concerned with your baby's well-being, you are being a mother and trying your damnest to protect your precious little helpless angel. If he wants to take her anywhere he needs to take you to court, any court is going to require he take parenting courses as well as any additional education in order to provide for your babies special needs. He would likely be required to take these courses and prove to the court he has a safe place to take her (not to mention car seat, crib, etc) before they would allow him visitation away from you. Sounds like he does not have a safe home to bring her to either which would be something your atty should bring up as well (if there is someone with mental illness in the home that doesn't sound safe to me). He is being abusive and if at all possible I would get that on tape or find a few witnesses and get a restraining order, he is likely all talk but I learned the hard way you do not want to see if it is all talk or if he would actually do something. If he is threatening you I would cut off all visitation until the court orders it. For the court to give him custody he would have to prove (with actual evidence not just accusations) that you are a bad mother which it sounds like this would not be a problem for you. I do not know where you live so laws may be different but the best piece of legal advice I can give is to call a battered womens shelter or domestic violence shelter nearby and explain your situation, this is how I got an atty to represent me pro bono (for free) against my ex when he threatened me and my daughter and I got sole custody with supervised visitation at least they may have a legal clinic to give you some advise. Make sure you keep a journal of all communications with him and all visits he has with your daughter (even if things start to go well, keep doing it, you never know when you will need it). Don't let his threats get to you they certainly are not going to take your baby away unless you abused or neglected her or are doing drugs. I know it is hard but you need to keep taking good care of yourself as well, you won't be much good to your baby if you aren't strong enough to hold her or give her cpr if necessary and if you are still breastfeeding you need to keep your strength up for that. Don't worry about it till he tries to take you to court.

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Aaliyah - posted on 12/05/2013

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Elisha - posted on 07/10/2012

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Get a lawyer, file for full custody, and supervised visitation, and possibly even a resetraining order since he's threatened you. My friend is going through this nightmare right now. She's a sahm of a 2yo little girl, who lives off of her child support, so she doesn't have money for a lawyer, and she just called me today to tell me that her ex decided that he was angry and refuses to return her daughter after his visitation weekend, and because there's no court order (she can't afford a lawyer, and he refuses to sign anything because he only wants things his way), she's been told that there's nothing that she can do to force him to bring her daughter back. She has to go try to file and ex parte order to get emergency custory back. It's a bad situation. Get a court order and a lawyer as soon as possible.

Michelle - posted on 06/15/2012

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I read some of your post, Caps lock does make it harder to read for me. You sound like you are doing a wonderful job from what I did read, The last name does not matter. What does matter is that the child is in a safe, stable environment with someone that can care for her. You have been doing it since she was born you have learnt about all her allergies and conditions, you have a stable financial situation and she is cared for while you are not there by a responsible adult. You need to go to the courts and fight for full custody, or maybe give him supervised visits although I think that is in extreme circumstances. If your baby hasn't got him on her birth certificate, Im not sure how the courts would work it, they would probably request a dna test or something I have no idea. But safest would be to go through the courts and tell them your concerns and what you would like.

Threenorns - posted on 06/10/2012

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okay, first off, i didn't read your post - all those capitals are giving me a headache trying to read.



to answer your question: whose last name the child has is irrelevant. in most places, you can legally name your child anything you want so long's it isn't insulting or inflammatory.



the real question is if he is listed as the father. if so and you have not gone to court for custody, then you both have equal rights as the parents. that means if you give the child to him for visitation and he doesn't bring the child back, there isn't anything you can do except get to court as fast as possible and hope the judge awards custody to you and that your ex honours the judgement.



if he's not listed as the father on the birth certificate, then you can likely turn to the police to get the baby back but he will most likely be charged with kidnapping - in canada, you have no power to decide whether or not he will be charged; i understand in other jurisdictions, you can request charges not be pressed but not here.



go to court and get everything down: custody, child support, visitation, and access.

Amber - posted on 04/04/2012

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for your sake and your daughters go through the court system so your legal rights are protected!! you do not want to leave things to chance so for your childs sake step up and go to friend of the court and let them know what is up they will look out for the best interest of your child!! gl wish you the best

Jessica - posted on 02/05/2012

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I'm not sure how that works there. You really need to talk to a lawyer, call around and ask a few lawyers if they can help you, if not them perhaps they will tell you who to contact to get free advice .

Lenka - posted on 02/05/2012

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Thank u.but i only esrn 700pounds a month.i want him 2pay 4the baby.so if i will not give his name there he wouldnt pay nothing every month . I'm i right?x

Lenka - posted on 02/05/2012

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Hey this hapening to me.i'm 20 weeks pregnant.me and my ex bf split on boxin day 2011.not hear from him.baby is going to have my name on birth certificate.but if they will ask who is the

father i will give them his name.bt she will b have my name.can he take her or stop me to go to my country to see my parents.i live in england but they live in slovakia

Rachel - posted on 07/17/2011

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Go to Domestics or what ever it is called in your state and get a custody order and also an order for child support. supply them with her medical problems and that he does not have proper training to care for her. You need to make sure your little girl is safe. Need to have the paper work and documents in place to prove you have custody of her. Do this right away before he takes her because if he would take her now you would have to wait for a court date to possibly get her back. Good luck

Carol - posted on 03/24/2011

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If you have the money to hire an attorney then I say take him to court first, when you meet with the attorney make sure you tell the attorney everything that you have posted in here let the attorney know about the first year of your daughter's life also let the attorney know that he has no job and has never given you any money for the care of your daughter. Another thing you should do is document every thing that happens when he is with you and your daughter, if you have a video camera set it up in a discrete place where he won't see it a video tape how she reacts to him while he is there and give it to the attorney to use against him in court. No judge in his right mind is going to give a dead beat dad custody of his child especially if the dad has no job, lives with his parents and whacked out crazy sister.

Candice - posted on 02/27/2011

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first...most courts (at least in my experience) consider something called the "status quo"...what has happened up to this point in time. Up till now, the status quo has been that she lives with YOU and he visits. If he were to take you to court, they would be hesitant to change the status quo. Now that doesn't mean he will never get to spend time alone with her, i doubt you'll be able to stop that unless you can prove a reason for it (i said PROVE, not just ALLEGE). So yes, you have two options. Go to court yourself and fight for sole custody, and if you want, fight for supervised visitation, or wait for him to take you to court, and do pretty much the same thing. The thing is that if you wait for him to do it, there's the chance that he can take the child and you will have no recourse with the police because you have no legal custody order. If it was me, i'd start the process myself. In the meantime, document everything that you think is relevant to either keeping custody or him having only supervised visitation. any email or texts that are threatening, if you witness anything about his sister or his actions that is concerning...etc. document everything.

Alexis - posted on 01/16/2011

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Please step lightly on the above with being "happy". As if he has right, and as Christina said he can take and there is not a cop that will tell him to give her back.
My friends sister took her children away from there father and he has not seen them in several years. He has tried to pick them up for visits, and had the cops called on him to get off the property. He has explained till he is BLUE IN THE FACE, that he just wants to see his kids, to everyone that will listen. And no one can do a thing about it.
He is not a bad guy. Infact, my friends sister left him for DRUGS & the supplier! And even though this women has been arrested, for stealing, holding, intent to sell. And is now in rehab for her 5th time, HE CAN'T GET ANYONE TO HELP HIM!
DON'T GIVE HIM THAT BABY, DON'T TRY TO PLAY NICE. If he is violent, verbal, or physical, just try to do what you can! PLEASE
If you have reason to like protection order, threats, or records, and are still willing to let him see her supervised, THE COURTS WILL BE FINE WITH THAT!

Christina - posted on 01/14/2011

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With no court order of custody, you do not have custody of her, and neither does he! He has a legal right to take your daughter and keep her and no cop will make him return her because it is not kidnapping, it's parenting.
If he is showing interest in your daughter, sit down with him and tell him your concerns. Have him sign up for a CPR class for her safety. Approach him like you are HAPPY that he wants to be involved and you want to help him become prepared to be the best father in the world. A lot of men don't do babies very well. My 10yr old's dad had nothing to do with him until he was 2.5yrs old, then he wanted visitation, ect. I allowed it because I knew that it was in the best interest of my son to see his dad. Because of my attitude, my 10yr old has a very healthy relationship with both of his parents and both of his step-parents. My ex respects me as a mom and we don't even abide by our court ordered visitation. There is no need. He takes our son every other weekend and whenever he has free days from work. We coparent, and my son has no idea that there are ex's that FIGHT over their children. He can't even comprehend the idea because we don't do it.
You do need to file for custody though. You can get emergency custody, but be prepared the courts will allow him to have unsupervised visitations with her. You can petition for him to take CPR classes before he has unsupervised visits with your daughter, and the courts will comply. If you refuse him the right to take your daughter, the courts won't look kindly at that.

Alexis - posted on 01/10/2011

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GET A LAWYER! Did he take the CPR classes. Get DR records for all her issues. File for SOUL CUSTODY!!! keep any texts that say he will kill another guy if you get with him. Anything writen is proof of a treat!!!! PLEASE let them know you fear for your life, her life, your future with a good guy.
Also, to let you know he will have to PAY! and he will have to show he is able to take care of her.
GET A LAWYER! SOUL CUSTODY! remember those things! It is better to make him look bad if he is, let them know he is a POS. Does he have a record, does the sister have DR records of being mental! USE THEM AGAINST HIM!
USE IT ALL AGAINST HIM!

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If his name is on her birth certificate and there is no court order stating custody.... I'm pretty sure he has just as much legal right to her as you do. I'm not POSITIVE about that since I'm unsure of the law for unmarried parents where you are, but if I am correct he could just take her and it would be YOU fighting to get HER back.

If he's threatened to take her I would take that threat seriously and get custody and visitation taken care of through the court system to protect you and your baby.

Natasha - posted on 11/22/2010

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Did your daughter's father sign the birth cert.? If you didn't sign the birth cert. then no he can't take her in less you let him. If you wants to fight you about then you can take him to court or he can take you to court. He sounds a lot like my ex-husband, all talk. You have every reason to worry because your baby is young and has health problems, but don't stop taking care of your self either that isn't good. If you were to take your baby's father to court, you would have to prove that the house that he would be taking your baby to is unsafe for her, because otherwise that judge would say that there is no ground to rule that her father cant have her and there is no reason that he can't take her to his mom's house alone. That is want happened to me with my ex-husband. It wont be easy, trust me I'm still fighting and my son is two. But it will get better. Try to talk to her father and make some guide lines and see if he follows them or even agrees with them, if that works then you might even have to go to court. Just hang in there, it will get better.

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