Single Mom that has a great supporting and wonderful fiance!

Melissa - posted on 05/07/2012 ( 3 moms have responded )

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I am a single mom to a wonderful 8 year old. Recently (4 months ago) we moved from Texas to California to live with my wonderful sweet supportive fiance. He is now a part of a complete family unit and we have run into a couple of issues.

First of all I should say my daughter does not have a father and I chose that path as soon as I found out I was pregnant. This choice was the best for her and I chose to raise her 100% and totally by myself.

Back to what we are dealing with now. She is showing signs of not knowing how to react to having a (male figure) in her life. From day one he has shown her more love than my own daddy. When we moved to California he showed even more love and support towards her. She is the center of our attention and she comes first. He does homework with her and very patient, while I cook. We take her to great places to site see and with us 100% of the time. I couldn't of asked for a better daddy as he has proven to be for the both of us. In the beginning of her being able to understand I told her that one day we will look for a daddy for her! She agreed, in Texas, that he is a good one. Now that we are in California she is defintely showing signs of resistance. He would pick her up from school and she told him that she told everyone he is her brother. He asked why and she told him that she is uncomfortable to talk about it. She also said that when we get married she still wants to call him by his first name. He is constantly trying to communicate with her one on one and I do too.

I just don't understand why she is pulling away from him and not noticing what a great father he is being towards her. I do realize she has never had a father before and maybe doesn't know how to react. I am worried that this will never get better. I wish so badly that she realizes one day! I wish I had a great father as he will be one day!! He is a natural at being a parent. Very patient, and understanding and wants so badly to win her approval!

Please help me! I feel I am alone in this situation.

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3 Comments

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Rachel - posted on 05/07/2012

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Your welcome Melissa I am glad I could help. My advice comes from personal experience. My mother got married when i was 9 and my sister was 10. My sister calls my stepdad DAD and i call him by his first name. just take it slow and let her call the shots. Keep the communication lines open and know what she is thinking and feeling. If you want to talk you can message me.

Melissa - posted on 05/07/2012

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Wow, thanks so much for the warm thoughts! I am happy to hear someone say to let her take the lead. I really appreciate your post and will absolutely take your advice. It has only been the two of us and I should just be more patient. The good thing is that she is expressing how she feels and as long as she continues that, I will be happy and appreciate.

Thanks so much!!!

Melissa

Rachel - posted on 05/07/2012

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I would say give her some more time. It has just been the two of you for so long it will still take her some getting used to. Also i would let it be up to her what she wants to call him. If she wants to stick with his first name i dont see the problem with that. It might change over time. Also maybe you could sit down and talk to her maybe spend some time with her just the two of you go get a mani or something like that. Good luck and just give her some time to adjust she has to deal with a move and new school leaving her friends and everything she knows. Good luck and let her lead.

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