Jessica - posted on 07/18/2009 ( 18 moms have responded )
Jessica - posted on 07/18/2009 ( 18 moms have responded )
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Katherine - posted on 04/19/2012
I had a similar problem with the father of my child only difference is that money IS an issue. I left the name off of the birth certificate and it's been three years and he's never tried to contact me or anything. He had told me that he only wanted girls for children and that he was using me to see if he was sterile or not. Sick huh.
Here's my idea and do with it what you will. Don't put the name on the birth certificate to start with. Then have an officer contact him with the offer to have him sign over his rights so that he can't claim that your harassing/stalking him. If the hospital tries to require a name tell them unknown. I had a hard time at the hospital because they tried to make me give one and I screamed at the nurse UNKNOWN because that was what I wrote on the paperwork.
You can also do the don't put a name claiming unknown and just wait and see. The longer it takes for a guy to claim rights the fewer he can get depending on the state that he files through. If you can, I wouldn't live in the same state as him so that if he ever files it would be even harder for him because he can't have a court to then order you to live with in a hundred or less miles of him for visitation purposes.
Wishing you the best with your future, single parenthood is rough, but rewarding. Just keep your chin up and make sure that you have all your resources for emotional and other support available and use it. I hope that your family is able to emotionally support you as well.
Take care Jessica.
Jennifer - posted on 06/06/2010
Do what your gut tells you to do. If you are financially able to care for the baby on your own, then do it!!!!! You have support from people here like us that you do not need "Bob". He sounds like a real A**hole to me. It is something that will be hard and then you face the chance that the baby will ask you later in life. I grew up not knowing my biological father. I am 26 years old. The man I knew as my father was my step father and til this day he is my father whether blood or not I do not care. My real fathers name is not on my birth certificate. I would leave that portion blank. There really are some great guys out there and for all you know you could end up meeting someone who will accept this baby as theirs and that is what it could be. Obviously "Bob" does not want any part of this. I would not involve him and let it be. When this 17 year old girl wants no part to do with "Bob" he will come crawling back (possibly) and at that point I would just ignore it. Let him be the one to file for anything at this rate. I doubt that he will if he was telling this other girl the lies that he was saying anyways. If you ever want to talk by all means let me know. You can contact me on here and if you want to talk you are welcome to contact me on facebook also. I hope all works out for you and I am here for you anytime you need to chat.
Rachille - posted on 06/06/2010
Jessica, what an absolute idiot this "Bob" is, boy does he even realise the consequences of he's actions. Guarenteed he is going to want to meet her someday, and unfortunately she is going to want to meet him. I would do option B because at least you did your bit in trying to involve her father in her life. The ball is in he's court from then onwards. And the money you can put it away for her oneday, if she decides to study, travel or whatever she would like to do and she can know that at least she made a positive out of a bad situation.
Jessica, she is going to be the light of your life and she will love you like you have never known before. It is going to be tough sometimes but it is worth every second. I would live this life over again if it meant it was the only way to have my 2 children in my life, and trust me I miss my ex husband terribly and am still very sad after 2 years of divorce.
Look after yourself and keep my contact if you ever just need to chat with someone far away. I live in Cape Town South Africa.
Elizabeth - posted on 06/05/2010
if you are sure that you don't want him in your lives and he doesn't want to be, you don't have to put him on the birth certificate. that is your decision 100%. i don't know where you are from, but here in VA, if the couple is not married, the father has to sign a paper acknowledging paternity of the child. if he refuses, his name will not go on the birth certificate anyways.
Laura - posted on 06/05/2010
I don't know how you can put the father's name on a birth certificate without his acknowledgement of paternity. When that is signed at both parties' consent the father's name can be put on the birth certificate, and they'll tell you when signed that it does NOT give the father rights to custody or visitation. It does give him right to file for it, but a DNA test will do the same. On one hand I think it may be best to ask for him to voluntarily give up his rights because it would be over and done with. The hard thing is will he sign it knowing he is still obligated to pay child support whether you want it or not? Also if you do option C, will he come around within the next two years filing for sole custody of the child with the argument that you concealed the child from him? I had a friend years ago had that happen to her, and he won! Scared the crap out of me, so I've been open from the start even though he wanted nothing to do with the child. He later came back and said his mother yelled at him that he needed to help take care of the child like a real man (he's over 30). Now he is suing me for sole custody anyway so there is basically no right way to do these things. He's also in the military, and came home a changed man. The only advice I can really give you is if something doesn't seem right you need to report it immediately. Being a first time mom is a very hard learning experience. The way our laws are set up you can't just assume that things will work out fairly just because you know what's right and wrong. You have to aggressively look out for the rights of your child and yourself! Taking the first action is probably the safest move. Better than waiting for the ball to drop.
Xiomara - posted on 06/05/2010
Sandy - posted on 08/04/2009
I hate guys like this. The father of my little girl is doing the same thing. Personally I just didn't put him on anything. Everyone's always trying to push me into getting support from him, but the way I see it, is I don't want him to have the satisfaction of knowing that ANYTHING she has she got from him. I can't offer much advise because I never took the court route, but just keeping him totally out of the picture has worked pretty well for me so far..
Carrissa - posted on 08/03/2009
same prob hun dont worry were not the only ones which is sad there are ppl as heartless as them to do this... i hav 2 children an hav gone thru it twice but both times put fathers name on certificate i think ur chidren hav the right to know who there father is and every day it scares me that he culd hav any rights to them i wish i had never put his name on it but it seemed right at the time do wat u think and feel is right 4 u and your baby... i hav never asked for a cent of him the least amount of contact the better i say... and i would hate 4 him to think he has done me or my girls any favors... he has never seen my girls an doubt he ever will but i think the day he wants anything to do with them they will b old enuf to make the decision them selves good luk
VANESSA - posted on 07/30/2009
DEFINITELY OPTION C, you DO NOT have to put his name on the birth certificate at all, putting on there is like granting him easy access to your child, which he does NOT deserve, as long as he is NOT on there he has NO RIGHTS of your child and of course you cannot ask for child support yet you will not have to deal with shared custody and visitations unless he ever decides to come back and fight you I wish I hadn't put my daughters father's name on her birth certificate it definitely would of made my life so much easier. PLEASE don't do it, learn from my mistake, you don't need the child support, it has been statistically proven that less than 50% of mothers actually get the child support they are entitled to, its NOT WORTH IT, to have him frustrating your life with visitations and shared custody over a couple hundreds a month if I could go back I would definitely not have put his name on the certificate. I dont know where your at but in California, "fathers" have up to 2 years of the childs birth to file for a paternity test and by law it can be granted after that they can file it if they want to gain legal rights but it is most likely harder to grant since there is no legal proof they were ever the father. If this low life ever decides to come back into your life and fight you for your child simply tell him hes not the father that you were mistaken. Seriously YOU ARE A STRONG, INDEPENDENT WOMAN, AND DO NOT NEED A "MAN" TO HELP YOU RAISE YOUR KID. Hope you make the right decision I found myself in your shoes 2 years ago and unfortunately I made the wrong choice and are now paying the consequences of it, I been in a visitation battle for over two years which is NOT PRETTY at all, it sucks and I HATE IT, PLEASE do the right thing. Good luck!
Danielle - posted on 07/30/2009
It sounds like you are pretty confident about taking care of your daughter. I have a 2 month old girl myself :). It soulds like to me that the birth father doesn't want anything to do with her. See if he will terminate his rights! That way he won't be able to see her if you don't wish. And I believe you can still file through the department of recovery services for child support if you want ( I would, it's kinda nice have a little money to help out especially if you don't have work. And little girls are EXPENSIVE!). I would ask your lawyer about him termiating his rights and still getting child support, I know you say you don't want or need it but it still might be good to have the information. Best of luck you and your new baby girl. Being a mom is so wonderul! Congrats. :)
Jodie - posted on 07/30/2009
ur questions and everyones answers have helped me a great deal. ive been to solicitors as well, and i have decided to not list him also. the thing is, they have nothing to do with bub, then if heaven forbid, something happens to u, they even overrise ur will. i have my sister a guardian of macie, but if i were in an accident, he has first and foremost rights to macie. so basic u have ur loving family and friends helpn u thru this, and bring up ur baby in the best environment and they could lose the bub or have a court battle on their hands. IT TAKES MORE TO BE A FATHER THAN A NAME ON THE CERTIFICATE! keep all details and piccies in a nice box for the future, and always be honest to the child.. and if he wants to be on it he will have to pay for dna, and then not to mention child support.. so he wont ! i think no amount of money can make up for a deadbeat 'sperm donor". thank u for raising this question, ive found it helpful to read xo
Candice - posted on 07/30/2009
i don't know where you are, but my friend put the guy's name on the birth certificate, and hasn't been able to get him to sign it, so now she can't renew her son's health card (we're in ontario) until he signs. if she had left it off, she wouldn't have had this problem. i would leave it off. if he wants to fight for rights, let him start the fight and pay for the paternity test, etc. if he doesn't, you save some money and effort.
even if you start the process now, it doesn't mean he won't get visitation, or even partial custody! but if you leave it and he stays uninvolved, your chances at losing custody get smaller the longer the child is in your care with him uninvolved.
Vaniety - posted on 07/29/2009
im going through the same thing, i was with my ex bf for 2 years and when i became pregnant everything went downhill and we ended it and he doesnt want anything to do with the baby and he hasnt contacted me in for months now. i thought about all of that and have decided that i am NOT going to put his name on the birth certificate i mean really what right does he have to even have his name on there. any fool can make a baby but it takes a man to raise a child and he definatly isnt one. if you do not put his name down he cant come back in 5 years now and say he wants to see the kids, well i mean he technically can but it will be ALOT harder for him to get visitation rights if you dont put his name on then if you do. if you put his name on the certificate then you are stating he is your daughters father and he can come back and say he wants to be in her life. if you dont put his name on then he will have to pay for DNA testing to determine hhe is in fact the biological father and i doubt hes going to do that and you can also state to the judge why his name isnt on the certificate (because he was never there for the child) and that will make him look even worse and will make everything that much more difficult for him.
Kayleigh - posted on 07/20/2009
hiya iv been through that twice my oldest child she is 4 now and i am not with her dad because he cheated on me when i was 8 month pregnant i put his name on the birth cert and luckily he seen her every week which is great for her and a good outcome alltough it is a totally dif story wiv my youngest she is 2 now and hasnt seen her dad since she was six months old all communication was lost with him allthough i tryed in vain for about 5 months because i diddnt want her growin up without a dad his name is on the birth cert but he has nothing to do wiv her i tryed so hard for him to c her coz wen she is older i diddnt want her to blame me but now i realie that its his loss and she will realise wat he is like in the long run herself my advbice to u is not to put his name on the cert coz if he can do that to u then u and ur baby are better on ur own u will be a great mum u dont need someone hurtin u n ur child ne more hope everything works out for u xx
Linda - posted on 07/19/2009
Hey Mama to be congrats, Im sorry about your situation thats really horrible what he did to you but once your babies in your life it will be the best thing in the world, i had a girl 4 months ago and my " b/f" is in jail sinice b4 she was born but i dont really know wut will come of it and I decided not to put his name or anything on the birth certificate so its like hes unknown i think down the road if we dont seem to work anything out i would file for full custody b/c i dont want him in and out of her life nor do i need his money but i think if it would make you feel better by getting sole custody do it b/c you dont want him randomly poppin in one day saying he wants to see his child good luck with what ever you decide and enjoy your baby try not to stress their lil time goes to fast and you dotn want to be worrying about all this when your baby is here... best of luck : )
Yanina - posted on 07/19/2009
I wouldn't do anything if it isn't necessary. "If" he ever show up again you still can go to the lawyer. And don't worry, a single mommy gets a lot of help from the outside
Tarah - posted on 07/19/2009
I had the same exact problem. My son is 5 now and a great boy. When my son was born I did not put his fathers name on the birth certificate. Also After he was born I went to the courts and filed for full custody of my son, even though his dad was not in the picture/ or on the birth certificate he still had to be notified. He just blew it off said he was not the father and that was it. Now if you go and get full written custody, that way he will have to take you to court and file for petunity testing and file for visitations if he wants to see her. I was all about no money either people think I am crazy but I can support my son on my own so I do not want anything from his father. Your family will help you through this, and that is all you need. Take care of yourself an good luck.
Michelle - posted on 07/18/2009
I'm kinda going thru the same thing. My son is 2 now and his dad has seen him 2 times. the 1st time was at court from child support, the 2nd was for his 1st b-day. I didnt put his name on the birth certificate b/ i didnt want him to have ant rights to my child. I did file for child support tho b/ i think he should half to pay even tho i dont need his money. The money i get for child support goes in to a bank accont for my son to use when hes 18. I hate to tell you this but "Bob" is prob going to not have anyhting to do the your child or is going to do what my son's dad is doing he just pops in when he feels like it. It breaks my heart b/ my son asks me were his daddy is all the time i just tell him he dont have one. I dont let them talk b/ i dont want to mess with my childs heart like that. If you have anything eles you want to ask me feel free. Just stand but for what you think is right and dont let your feels for "Bob" get in the way. I did for a long time but I relized it was just making things worse. So trust your gut. Good Luck.