17 and 12 weeks pregnant..

Drell - posted on 05/15/2017 ( 3 moms have responded )

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Hi, I know I am young.. and I slept with the baby's father only once.. it was the first time for me. I ended up pregnant.. I am now 12 weeks along. I told said boy when I was seven weeks along. he said he would support me. The next day he tells me he wants and DNA test. His mother thinks I am not telling the truth. He then demands to know where I went to have the test and so on. He has dropped out of the picture until two days ago when he starts telling me he is going to sue me for full custody. He has no job can not even drive.. lives at home. I am finishing school and work part time. I too still live at home. My parents support me and my unborn child. He has a new girlfriend who has two very small children one who is around 4 months. He has been with her around a month now and he told me today he is marrying her.
I am worried.. I have always wanted him to be involved.. but I am just not sure if him being married to this girl will help him get full custody. Do I need to quit my job.. I work about 25 hours a week and have 3 hours of school.. My nerves are shot and am not sleeping.. Thanks for any advice.

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Ev - posted on 05/17/2017

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{{Hi, I know I am young.. and I slept with the baby's father only once.. it was the first time for me. I ended up pregnant.. I am now 12 weeks along. I told said boy when I was seven weeks along. he said he would support me. The next day he tells me he wants and DNA test. His mother thinks I am not telling the truth. He then demands to know where I went to have the test and so on.}}
~~~~~First, is he also a teen? It only takes once to get pregnant. And since you are sure this is the guy, be sure to put him on the birth certificate after a DNA test is done. His mother can not control where it is done. Usually it is not done until after a baby is born anyway.

{{ He has dropped out of the picture until two days ago when he starts telling me he is going to sue me for full custody. He has no job can not even drive.. lives at home. I am finishing school and work part time. I too still live at home. My parents support me and my unborn child. He has a new girlfriend who has two very small children one who is around 4 months. He has been with her around a month now and he told me today he is marrying her.}}
~~~~~You have to understand that this was as much a shock to him as it was for you. He might have been in denial until a few days ago. He can though go to court and petition for custody and visitation just as much as you can. You would have to prove to a judge that he is a danger to the child. You have not said that he is. Also, if he is a minor, his parents are responsible for him until 18. But he should be getting ready to prepare to support this child. AND marriage to someone else does not guarentee he will be able to get full custody. The only ways that can happen is if you were proven unfit, you were a danger to the child, you alienated the child from the father by not allowing him to see the child which can not happen unless that baby was born, or other things that could be proven to make you not fit as a parent.

{{I am worried.. I have always wanted him to be involved.. but I am just not sure if him being married to this girl will help him get full custody.}}
~~~~~He should be involved. He needs to be involved and responsible to the child. You can not, however, demand who he is involved with not be around the child. He can not use marriage as a way to get custody of the child either. He has to prove he is the better parent is all. Just as you would.


{{ Do I need to quit my job.. I work about 25 hours a week and have 3 hours of school.. My nerves are shot and am not sleeping.. Thanks for any advice.}}
~~~~~Do not quit working. Work as long as you can do that. It shows the judge that you are taking on your responsibility and going to school also shows you are improving yourself to make a better life for the child.

~~~~~My advice: Try to concentrate on school, work, and staying well for the baby. You can not do anything for custody until the child is born anyway. Meanwhile, check out lawyers with your parents who are specialized in family court and law. Ask a lot of questions. Find the one that seems to fit you. Most give a free consult to start. When the baby is born, file for custody, child support and visitation from the start. Dad might not even do a thing. If you have to get a DNA test get it court ordered so dad can not get out of doing it. Make sure that he is put on the birth certificate. Be sure you can prove things you need to such as if you feel he is not fit to parent and stuff but only if you can prove it. Otherwise, be open to working out custody, visitation and child support. A person more willing to work things out looks better in a judges' eyes than one that is trying to control things.

I have been there.

Ev - posted on 05/17/2017

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{{So first off I know this is probably a bit scary for you. I am almost 24 and I would feel overwhelmed if I found out that I was pregnant. The courts will not give him full custody}}
~~~~~Katelyn--have you ever had to deal with custody, visitation or even child support?Do you even know what happens during this process?

{{ To take custody from a mom is a huge deal especially for no reason. You working or going to school has nothing to do with custody.}}
~~~~~Actually, Katelyn, a judge can decide to do joint custody and give the father half time if he or she so chooses to do so. You do not know that a judge won't do this. And in some cases a judge can give dad custody depending on circumstances. What basis do you have to back up that a judge would not give some sort of custody to the father?
As long as a father is not a danger to the child.....he can have visitation or custody.

{{ From the sounds of your babies father, he is not the best person either.}}
~~~~~~How do you know what the father is like? He is a scared boy or young man that did not expect to be a father. OF course he will get defensive about it. Does not make him a bad person. The girl did not give that much information on this.

{{ I know it must be scary to hear someone say they are going to try and take your baby, but if you are not using drugs and are not abusive you should not have any reason to worry}}
~~~~~Things of this nature can be said a lot. Again, it might come from being scared. And as far as not using drugs and so on does make a big deal on both mom and dad. Also working to provide for the child does make a difference as well. It shows the court that you are doing your part to provide for the child.

.{{ Also, him being married will not change anything either. At this point I think you should focus on yourself and your child.}
~~~~~The fact he marries another does not make a difference in the child being with the mother or father full time or even part time. What matters is how the parents are.

{{ Your babies father may try to cause issues but as long as you are a good mom, you shouldn't have to worry.}}
~~~~~Yes, the father may try to say things about this, but in the end, if she is sure this guy is the one he has nothing to stand on. He will have to take responsibility for his child.

Katelyn--how much do you know about custody?

Katelyn - posted on 05/16/2017

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So first off I know this is probably a bit scary for you. I am almost 24 and I would feel overwhelmed if I found out that I was pregnant. The courts will not give him full custody. To take custody from a mom is a huge deal especially for no reason. You working or going to school has nothing to do with custody. From the sounds of your babies father, he is not the best person either. I know it must be scary to hear someone say they are going to try and take your baby, but if you are not using drugs and are not abusive you should not have any reason to worry. Also, him being married will not change anything either. At this point I think you should focus on yourself and your child. Your babies father may try to cause issues but as long as you are a good mom, you shouldn't have to worry.

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