3 y/o crying for dad but he doesnt want her

Kristen - posted on 10/30/2010 ( 4 moms have responded )

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Me and my 3 y/o daughters dad broke while i was pregnant. He went back to his ex-wife and after my daughter was born she got pregnant. He now has gotten remarried and has 2 little boys. He saw her about 3 times before she turned one, then didnt see her again till she was 2 and a half. Me and his wife started talking to ease the tension between everyone, well She has went over there a few times since then, but only twice has he been home. He works on oil rigs. Well a few weeks ago his parents asked if she could come over for the weekend for her ocusins birthday party and i said yes and let her stay the entire weekend. Well Tues before she went over she had gotten a 24hr bug, she got better by friday and i let her go over there still, well Sunday he texted me that i had some nerve allowing her to go over there around his other kids, bc she was sick. I explained to him she was not sick and that she had been earlier in the week and he accused me of sending her over there sick on purpose to get his kids sick. He also said that she told his parents that she was sick all week, i told him that she is 3 and doesnt even know what a week means!

Well she always asks me to go over there to see him and that she misses him, but whenever i ask about her coming over there while he is home, they tell me he just got there and wants to spend a few days with the his boys first because he hasnt seen them in a few weeks (and he hasnt seen her in months!) and asks if we can do it in a few days, well come the day we are supposed to meet for him to get her, he willt ext and say one of the boys have the sniffles or they woke up coughing and asks to postpone it AGAIN!!! So then i have to break the news to her that she isnt going over there and she cries alot. Well on rare occasions she does go over there and she wants to stay the night they wont let her. She has only stayed one night over there before. Does anyone else deal with this? What do you tell your kids when they ask about going over there or say how much they miss him and cry? I dont know what to do!! Please give me some advice.

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Amanda - posted on 10/31/2010

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Don't make promises you can't keep so you don't get her hopes up and smash them. When she cries for him, just remind her she has you and you'll always be there for her. Try not to say anything negative about the situation in front of her. It will only upset and confuse her. Maybe she can call him when she misses him? That way she will get to talk to him, at least. Good luck.

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Kristen - posted on 10/31/2010

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He does pay child support, we went through the ocurts when she was 6months old, he just does not want to see her or anything. Since she was born, and shes about to be 4, he has seen her about 6 times, and thats it. But its sad bc she will talk on her play cell phone and act like shes talking to him. And goes on about how much she loves him and cant wait to see him. It just breaks my heart that she has to be dissapointed at such a young age.

Jennifer - posted on 10/31/2010

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sounds like hes bitter.. and at 3 yr olds hes making words in her mouth cause my kids are 4 and 7 and dont know what a week means.. so hes lying and just doesnt want nothing to do with her.. if her grandparents want to see her i wouldnt keep her away from them however if he doesnt just tell her that he loves her very much and that hes busy dont by into the excuses that his kids are sick cause hes lying through his teeth.. cause everytime shes suppose to see him those kids arent sick every single time i doubt it..but make him take responsiblity make him pay child support and you get sole custody of her..just cause he doesnt want to see her doesnt mean he cant take responsiblty of her.. my boys father hasnt seen them in 2 yrs and hes forced to pay child support and medical insurance. ive been there done that but thankfully my boys dont ask about there father anymore they stopped my oldest finally stopped asking when he was 5 and my youngest never asked.. my oldest realized that he wasnt gonna ever see him and my youngest never really met him..when he had visits my youngest was first born than stopped seeing him after a yr..cause his youngest was born.. just make sure and reenforce her to let her know that her father loves her very much and hes busy..just comfort her if it goes on long enough she might stop you never know.. or he actually might start seeing her again when he decides to stop making excuses why he cant see her.. good luck!! hopefully its somewhat of a help

Pascale - posted on 10/31/2010

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Ummm interesting situation....let me ask you ? have you look into any legal advice ? is he on child support? if he is ....move on and don't force your child on him....I know it is hurting you and your child but focus on your child, one day he might want to see her more than you know .....Sometimes these things turn around in a weird way...you will be surprise....but when this time come ....you would have to decide whether you want her to have that contact again with her dad or not ....but for now...try your best to stay out of his way for a while ....

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