4 Months Pregnant & Just Got Dumped. What Do I Do Now?

Andrea - posted on 06/19/2010 ( 17 moms have responded )

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My now ex-fiance just walked out on me and my 7 year old son (from a previous relationship) and our baby on the way because some other woman that he was dating before me is claiming she just had a baby and he may be the father. No paternity test has been done. One minute he insists the child is not his because of the time frame of when he and this other woman were last together, and the next minute he's really not sure. He says I am selfish for not allowing his outside drama in my household and not wanting this child around because I have lost 3 daughters before birth and it is too painful for me to have to deal with. So he packed up his things, called his sister and said he was going to see this child since his family are sure that just by looks alone (at a few weeks old) the child is his. Now I am debating whether I will be able to keep my baby or give it up for adoption or worse, not have it at all. I tried for 4 years to conceive another child and now i'm put in this situation. I know I can't afford to take care of another child on my own and I have no one else to help me. I make too much money for public assistance and I don't want to be a statistic of another welfare mom. I just don't know what to do. He claims he wants his space because I'm being selfish. Any advice is appreciated. Thanks

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Michelle - posted on 06/20/2010

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Andrea,
It sounds like a very stressful situation, I will pray for you.
I am a single mother of twins, and all I can say is God has blessed me with two beautiful miracles! Eventhough times might get challenging, I know that God will give me the strength to continue, and lead an example for them.
There is nothing in this world that God doesn't put in our hands, that he doesn't think we aren't able to handle.
I admire the fact, that you didn't go running after him, some people just don't know how to handle responsibility, and just by the way you have detailed your options, I can see you are someone that thinks before making a choice.
A family isn't something you can walk away from, either you are ready for it, or make changes because you have that "WANT"
The most important thing in all this is, do you need anything, other than prayer?
My heart goes out to you, and your miracle! =)
Just remember surrounding yourself with people who won't walk away when times get tough is very important.
Everything in life happens for a reason. Prayer has always helped me during hard times as well.

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Alisha - posted on 08/06/2012

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Wow that is a terrible situation. I would not to worse to your baby, either parent or place your child in an adoptive family. If you have been trying to get pregnant then you must have been so excited! Don't let his decision and behaviors take away your excitement for your child's life. I guess you will just have to give him time, I'm not sure what you meant that you didn't want people in your house or around you or not wanting this child around. Have you checked his reasons for calling you selfish? Are they valid? Is he being selfish? If so, pointing it out really won't do anything. What you do now, is be an ever stronger mom for your children. You will just have to wait and see what happens with him, do you two still talk? This is tough, and I think those people are being ridiculous to try and say they know based on looks that this other child is his! That doesn't even make sense!

Brittany - posted on 08/05/2012

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Didn't read all the post - but if the baby is his child, and you want him to be your husband... I think you should reconsider allowing the child in your house. It will be a sibling to the child your carrying. If he told you you couldn't have one of your children in his house, would you leave him?

I know I would.

Also although you have lost daughters to miscarriage ect. you may really enjoy helping raise a little girl. I love my step children - I have a huge impact on their lives, and it really is a wonderful relationship that I was completely unsure of in the beginning.

good luck to you and your babies ♥

Carlie - posted on 06/25/2010

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First of all.....I am not in your situation. Not even close. I am, however, a single mother. I would keep the baby. Whether or not you believe in God, keep in mind, that everything happens for a reason. There is a reason this has happened to you.

My advice would be to keep the baby. So easy for me to say, right? Yes. It is easy for me, because I am not you.
No offense :), but true. If you have waited this long, why would you give the baby up? Maybe the baby will help you realize how strong you are. Maybe the baby is a test, or a testAMENT to you and who you are as a person. I firmly believe that children are gifts, and you have been given this amazing gift, to love and to cherish. Do you know how lucky you are? Do you know how lucky that baby is......to have you? :)

You can do this you know. You just have to believe in yourself and your abilities. Don't let your ex-fiance challenge you. In the same token, be civil towards him. You can't make anyone be a daddy. He has to want to. The more that you force him to see your way of things, the more he will back away. Who cares if he is there or not? Yes, your child will later on, probably. But you are not him. Be everything to your child that he isn't. Love that child to pieces. That's the only part that really matters. That's really all children want us to do-is to love them. So love your child, and give him or her what she wants. It's about the child now, not you, and not him. Put yourself in that unborn child's place: What would he/she want from you?

You don't need him anyway. No offense, but why would you want someone who obviousely doesn't care? If he doesn't care about your baby, then he won't care about you....because that baby is a part of you.....you understand?

As for support....I'd look to God. Seriously. And prayer. And family and friends, if you have it. Good luck to you, and I hope you find the answers you are seeking. I also pray you find inner peace. I don't know you from Adam, but that would never stop me from praying for someone else in need. Peace. :)

KETU'RAH - posted on 06/23/2010

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FOCUS ON YOU AND YOUR CHILD, MOST MEN ARE NOT WORTHY OF A CHILD, PRAY ABOUT IT...

Phyllis - posted on 06/21/2010

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Hi Andrea,i just read ur post,i'm so glad u r keeping ur baby.God never,ever puts no more on us than we can bear,he intended for that sweet baby 2 b here in a few months.Now as for the "father"and i use that term very loosely,it takes a real man 2 hang in there and raise a child,whether it's his or sumone else's,it doesn't really matter.My ex told me sum years ago that he wanted sum space which means i don't want 2 b with u anymore(at least that what it meant in my case).I was upset at first but it worked out for the best i had a beautiful realtionship with sumone else that lasted 15 years,i actually need 2 thank him.I hv vented 2 long,lol.Please take care of urself,son and the lil one u r caring,and as for u being selfish u r not,he should consider ur feelings,bringing another woman's child 2 ur home is cruel(in my opinion)especially if he isn't sure the child is his.Good luck and God bless u is my prayer.

Georgia - posted on 06/21/2010

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Hey
Before I could respond, I read all the responses from other moms...I know exactly what you are going though because I was in a similar situation where the dad left when I was six months pregnant with our second child...claims I got too demanding. I dealt with this situation by enjoying my pregnancy and ignoring the living daylights out of him and where is he today...back as the family man! Men make silly excuses when serious situations arise. I prayed for the strength to move on and do my job as a single parent to the best of my ability and I am...As women, mothers we were given that gift from our heavenly Father to excel in most difficult circumstances...dont you worry, He is carrying you all the way!

Sonya - posted on 06/20/2010

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hi andrea so glad ur keepin ur baby am 8 months preg wiv a first child so i dnt really knw much ov de stress dat cums afta the child but i was also dumped wen i was 6 months preg cuz the dad said e cudnt handle it an needed time i gave em his time an yet e still dumped me so i fell into a deep depression over it an if if hadnt bn for family an friends i dnt knw wat i wud of done i also knw dat i'll need welfare 4 my child as i plan on goin back workin an dnt really have people to mind my child but that is only a temp things til i find my feet but wat am tryin to say is altho fella will argue dis but woman are much much much stronger then fellas an no matter hw hard things get woman can get tru it :) so chin up keep smilin an enjoy ur 2 gifts as they will show you more love then u'll ever knw :) an u deserve dat :)

[deleted account]

Hold your head up high and move on.You and your children are worth it.Best of Luck.I am a singel mom of 3 wonderful children and yes it is tough but I would not change anything I love each and everyone of them.

Andrea - posted on 06/20/2010

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@ Jen - Thanks, but it looks like I'm gonna have to do this alone, without my child's father because he is making demands on bringing this other child to my home, knowing how painful it is to me and I will not allow it. I have no problem with him spending time outside of my home with his alleged child, but for my own sanity, I just cannot be around someone else's daughter while still grieving the 3 I lost a few years ago. So because he's not willing to compromise and simply wants his way, he's walking out on me, my son, and our unborn child.

Andrea - posted on 06/20/2010

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@ Jen - No, I am not considering adoption either. I am going to keep my child, raise it and love it just as I did with my son. I'm not waiting to see what happens with him. My parents and family and some friends convinced me to go on and have my baby and just do the best I can and since I've been a single mom for 7 years with my son, and that i can do this. we were supposed to be getting married next June but had decided to wait a little longer after I got pregnant so that we could financially plan a small wedding.

[deleted account]

I saw your update. I see you've ruled out abortion. Good for you. Are you still considering adoption or are you waiting to see what will happen with him? He doesn't sound very stable if he was willing to call off a wedding because he needed space. When were you getting married?

[deleted account]

Only you truly know the ins and outs of your situation. If you can't afford to take care of your child, then you know your options. I would never hold it against anyone who had to choose that. If you choose to abort, the time to do it is now. You may not be able to much longer. If you choose to adopt, you are granting both your child and the prospective parents a wonderful gift.

No matter what your decision, I would respectfully suggest you go on a more effective method of birth control than you were using. You are in a terrible situation right now and you shouldn't subject yourself to that again. Mirena is very effective and very safe. You can get it for a very low fee at Planned Parenthood. My friend has it and has been very happy with it. Once you are in a stable relationship, such as after the marriage takes place, absolutely have more children.

Vanessa - posted on 06/19/2010

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I'm now pregnant again (due in exactly 4mths) too and then there'll be three kiddies running around the house and things are tight but i wouldn't have it any other way!

Andrea - posted on 06/19/2010

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Thanks Vanessa. I have decided to keep my precious baby because i really don't believe in abortion either, and its not fair to do that to an innocent child. His sister just had the nerve to call me and tell me that he says "he's not leaving me because he loves me and wants to be with me and our child, but he just needs some space to think about how to deal with his situation. I really don't care how he deal with it anymore because I have the support of my family and my friends, and that's all me and my baby needs. I can't make him be something he doesn't want to be and if he doesn't want to be a father to my baby, then that's gonna be his loss, not mine. I too used public assistance as a stepping stone when my son was born, and not as a life support system. I do work full time and make ok money. Its just gonna be a little tougher with 2 than 1.

Vanessa - posted on 06/19/2010

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Children are a gift - a gift which rarely happens at the right time. Ending a 4mth pregnancy..... well.... I'd think first about the thousands of couples out there who can't have children of their own before doing something so drastic. Only you know in your heart what is the right thing to do - just remember even if you become a welfare mum definitely doesn't mean you have to stay one! I used welfare as a brief means to get me back on my feet and look after my lil guy and concentrated on using the time to better my skills so that when I went back to work i had more opportunities to secure better employment.
Don't worry about ur ex fiancee. Better you find out now than later! Sounds to me like that man just has too many baby mommas around the place - if he wont support you NOW then do you really want his support in the future!? regardless he's still liable for child support payments so don't knock them back!
Your priority is that unborn baby in your tummy - don't be too proud to accept welfare if it means a better life for your lil family in the long run. Abortion in my opinion is too drastic - embrace the gift you have been sent and remember that god will never send you anything you can't handle.

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