Ashley - posted on 02/02/2009 ( 2 moms have responded )
Do you ever feel like when one thing happens its a domino effect for the rest of your life? When I was 2 months pregnant with my little angel my fiance left me because I decided being his DD and dealing with his drug abuse problem was getting a little ridiculous, I had a talk with him about getting help and he ended up leaving me.. I havent heard from him since. About a week later my step father decided to let out his frustration on me for his financial crisis , no one was home so I was very defenseless. A 2 month prego 5"2' girl trying to defend herself from a 250 pound monster is pretty straight forward. I had bruises around my neck and all along my shoulder, I had a hand print of his hand on my wrist from him grabbing me..I think his words were more hurtful though. So I left that night with nothing but the clothes on my back. I called my dad to come pick me up and so I spent the first night in my new home..Now my mother is placing my brothers and sisters against me because her logic is.."he said he was sorry, your siblings dont understand why your being so stubborn.. he only did it once and technically that isnt abuse".. she calls me constantly to harass me because she doesnt like my dad very much, since I was younger shes been filling my head with lies like "he wanted a blood test when you were younger because he didnt think you were his daughter...he would always take your brothers and sisters out but never you" turns out she cheated on him when I was only 1 for 3 years, got busted and hates him because he caught her in a lie..she would go out partying while my dad stayed home and watched us kids.. and he never once questioned me being his daughter.
So anyways.. I have my father and step mother who have been absolutly wonderful to me these past months, its everything I ever wished for in a family. Its just so hard being alone, not having that extra support.. I'm so scared shes going to ask me when shes older "wheres daddy"..and I wont know the answer. Ive tried contacting him, but he ignores my calls. I want my baby to live a worry free life, my childhood and teenage life was so horrible.. I just want her to be living a normal life. I'm doing so well right now, went back to college to get my associates degree so I can get a better paying job, my grades are outstanding..I'm painting again and have my own mural design business going. Ive accomplished more in the past 5 months then I ever did living in that other house. My moms verbal abuse has got to stop though, I've tried to talk to her about keeping the peace and stop manipulating/stressing me out.. but nothing works. I need all the support i can get, but being without a husband, friends, siblings, and family.. its so hard and as much as I try to put a smile on my face, something feels like its missing, or my mother calls me to make me feel bad again.
Any words of wisdom?