**A NEW SINGLE MOM**

Tuwanda - posted on 08/07/2009

Ariel, I truly understand what you are going through.l am a single mom for 19 years. You have to just worry about you and your children, work hard, love them, support them. Don't get stress out over what the kids father does or does not do, just always do your best for those children. It will be a long road ahead, but trust me it will get better try not to stress so much. Surround yourself with friends and their children and people that love you. Always remember to pray. Good luck to you.

Isobel - posted on 08/06/2009

If you're in Canada, it's called FRO (family responsibility office), but that still won't help till you've been to court...Are there any children's playzones in your neighbourhood, parks, schoolyards, anywhere that other kids and parents are likely to be? Maybe meeting other moms and getting your kids occupied would help you relax a little, and stop thinking about him, and how good he's got it. (by the way...you know that in the long run you've got it better right?...they are, and will always be yours. It's tiring now, but this too shall pass).

Ciara - posted on 08/06/2009

Ariel, start first by taking a deep breath in and out! Go to your local county office and file for TANF and foodstamps in the mean time, if he's working your county will go after him for the money back and once you go to court you can get things worked out and have a court order for child support. Your next best option is friends and family support if you have it. Lean on them! you need it right now and it'll make things alot less stressful. Look for a job in the meantime to support yourself and figure out daycare arrangements and remember ONE DAY AT A TIME.



Best of luck to you!!!

Brett - posted on 08/06/2009

Ariel, im a single dad of 12 years. firstly what support base can or have u set up for ur self.? u need time to do ur own things, to have ur own head space.! i know how it feels to be that frustrated on this toppic. it was the same for me.

Jen - posted on 08/04/2009

File for child support immediately. It is his responsibility as the father.
As for him going out ... HE is the one missing out on his children. As long as his parents are doing a good job with the children, relax and enjoy the break you get. He will be the one to regret it in the long run. Be careful what you say about their dad in their presence.
Be strong, and remember that your children love you.

Amie - posted on 08/04/2009

If you can't afford to go to court right now and you need the help you can go to Child Support Enforcement and file. I would also try food stamps, TANF, and other government assistance if you need it. There is nothing wrong with getting the help in rough times. As far as him going out and partying when he should be with your children, there isn't much you can do about that. That is as long as your children are being taken care of. I know it is stressful and pisses you off, believe me I went through it as well. Just have to stay strong for your babies. Good luck...hope this helps.

Alisha - posted on 08/04/2009

I don't know where you live but here in Indiana we have a program called TANF which is cash assistence. They will ask if you qualify to help get the father to pay support. The government pays you and then he was to pay back the government. This could help until you get to court and get a child support order. Once he starts paying you will have to get off tanf but it will help until it comes through. Hope this helps a little.

Stephanie - posted on 08/04/2009

I have been a single mom for nearly 13 years and I have been very happy that my son's dad has not been in the picture much. I like that my son has one home and that he is not jumping from home to home. I am very independant and I went back to school so that I could make my own money and although it is nice when his dad actually pays child support, I know that I can make it with out it. My son knows now, without me bad talking his dad, who is the real parent to him. I also use it as a learning device for my son. I ask him if he likes how his dad acts and when he says no I tell him, well now you know what you don't like and you see what you like in how I raise you and just make sure you make the right decisions when you have children. Don't let your dad's cycle continue with you and your children. He understands. We talk all the time and he knows he can come vent to me or ask me my opinion.

What you need to do, and I know it is hard to do, is pull up your pants and become enough mom to handle both roles. Being bitter will only effect you and your childrens relationship, it will have absolutely no effect on your ex. Take a deep breath and be happy you don't need to share you kids and that you get to be there for all the firsts and all the smiles and all the nightmares and you are strong enough to do it.

Annette - posted on 08/04/2009

I'm really sorry you're having to go through this. I know it's rough as a single mom of 1, I can imagine 2 is lot more challenging. he's obviously refusing to grow up and handle his responsibilities like a parent should, which is exactly the problem I'm having now with my ex. there isn't a lot u can do until u go to court though, but try not to let it stress u out. in the end ur children will see who was there for them when they really needed support. At least they are under supervision while he goofs off living as if nothing has changed. I hope that u learn to let go of ur anger toward him so that u can enjoy motherhood. it really is just added stress to an already tough situation. I'm still learning to cope with the anger myself.