advice about child custody issue

Pitter - posted on 06/14/2012 ( 3 moms have responded )

I have 2 children ages 12 and 14. My ex husband and I divorced 4 years ago. We had been separated for almost 5 years at the time of divorce. The ex and I used to share custody with no child support as I made more than him at the time. However, a year after divorce he remarried and a lot of problems began to arise. He moved and the children were very unhappy. They started to have alot of issues with him and his new wife. They were having nightmares, health issues, my daughter was wetting the bed at age 10 and my son was on ulcer medication. I went to court to modify the visitation after talking to my ex didnt help. The court suggested therapy. Throughout the 11 months of therapy, not a lot changed. The kids were increasingly frustrated with their dad. They went weekly and sometimes twice weekly to therapy with him and for him. Not much changed on his part, even though he promised them he would. He lies to them a lot. He makes inappropriate comments about how they dress, or look, or their possible sexual preferences and they have serious trust issues with him. We couldn't agree on a revised visitation schedule, so we were going to go back to court, but on the eve of the court date, he signed a paper that said he would allow the children to live with me as he realized how unhappy they were. He said didn't want to force them to live with him. He wanted them to be healthy and happy and he wanted them to trust him again and want to be with him again. Well, it has been 2 years now. The kids have lived with me full time. In the 2 years my son has only seen him 3 or 4 times, and my daughter only 1. He texts about every 2 weeks to them. He doesnt talk to me about them at all unless i ask for money or need something for them. Although i have had them, he does not pay anything. Even when I ask him. I have tried to get the kids to visit with him, or call him, or go hang out with him...always to no avail. I recently told him i am having financial trouble and that i may need to move, and he doesnt want me to move where the job is. When i asked for financial help, he declined. I have long told him that we should go back to court but he always insisted he didnt want to do that to the kids. He does not ask me to see them or inquire about them to me. He communicates solely with the kids. The therapist advised that it was best left between him and the kids and i was to not force them to him, nor keep them away. they have open access via phone and visits on my end, but i cannot get them to see him. i dont know what to do and i am so stressed. now that i need financial help, he is threatening to take me to court. i am scared that my kids will suffer and that this is going to get worse. any advice? should i get a lawyer now? should i file before he does?? HELP?!