All of a sudden he contacts me?

Tiffany - posted on 10/16/2010

Thanks everyone for your words!

Kiara - posted on 10/15/2010

I think you should take it one day at a time. Tell him the door is open but he has to prove to you, THROUGH ACTION NOT WORDS, that he's going to be different. Don't get your hopes up or expect anything. Allow him to show his true self through how far he's going to go to show you that he's going to be here for his daughter.

Chelsea - posted on 10/15/2010

i think u should let him be around.. a baby is a life changer and it probably scared him and put him in a state of shock.. a guy needs time to think about it and process it to that damn he is about to have a baby

Sheena - posted on 10/15/2010

I was in your same shoes when I was pregnant with my first child. Her 'donor' was completely clueless and apparently bi-polar. One minute he wanted to be there, and the next he was wanting to sign off his rights. I know its going to be hard, but you are better off without him. If he has any brain in that head of his then he will wise up and come to see you. Don't let him get to you and cut off all communication with him. Talking to him will only stress you out more and being pregnant, you definitely don't need that right now. TRUST ME! I've been there. =)

LaNetta - posted on 10/15/2010

Hi Tiffany, there were a lot of wise words spoken to you about this subject. My only input is this: Whatever you do, never speak badly about the father in front of the child. Let the child grow up respecting you and them. The child will see from their own standpoint of how the dad truely is without any input from anyone. Children do watch, observe, listen, and make decisions on what they have experienced for themselves.



I know this, because my children's father left out of their lives when they were small. He would call them every other blue moon and make empty promises to them and talk down about me to them. I did the best for my children that I could and made sure that whatever promises that were made to them were fulflled. Whenever they asked me about their father, I told them that he loved them and left it at that.



As they got older they made their own decisions about him. I can plainly remember one week just before Christmas, he called to tell them what all they were going to get from him and my oldest daughter told him to stop calling them and that he never bought them what they wanted anyway and that I made true on the promises that he made to them and that she did not think that he was a good father even though mom told us that you loved us. I stood their in shock as she then handed me over the phone and I had to tell their father that how he had mistreated them was the reason that she said those things and that I had never said anything bad about him to them or around them.



My children (grown now) when they turned teens asked me why I never talked bad about their dad and I told them that if I had talked bad of him, they would have thought that I was the reason why their father would not come to visit, play, or talk with them more than he did and that I wanted them to be able to make the decisions about him and myself based on how they viewed us in their own mind.

Tiffany - posted on 10/15/2010

Thanks Kristen...I believe that also that the only person that can make themselves change is them and they have to do it for the right reasons and only themselves because if not exactly what you said will happen. So far he's suprising me everyday, but we'll see how things are in the long run...in the end if he ends up not staying around though at least I'll be able to look my little girl in her eyes and tell her I tried.

Kristen - posted on 10/15/2010

if you know ANYONE on this Earth that isnt a different and/or changed person than what they were 5 to 10 years ago then YOU CANNOT say or even begin to think that people dont change because I do KNOW PEOPLE CAN CHANGE!!! Now my thing is People cant change Other People - oneself must change themself and make it a mindset that they live daily other than their old ways! And if he is saying he doesnt want to be like the examples shown to him through life and is actually making full effort now and it makes YOU happy .. DO IT GIRL! Just make sure its a scenario that will be safest for the love of your life, your daughter! :)

Granny - posted on 10/13/2010

I'm sorry to say this but, he's not going to change. Instead it will be a pattern of Now he's here and the Next minute he's gone. My baby daddy did that and it's continuing, my boy is ten and the pattern is still like that. Now the nice thing my boy is old enough to make his own contact whenever he needs to see his father. Give him a chance but DON'T EXPECT TOO MUCH. Good Luck!!

Amanda - posted on 10/09/2010

I am not sure how this is going to be taken but.... Some people can change esp where their babies are concerned. I know two people whom I am very close to who cam from very abusive homes and backgrounds, 1 has a beautiful baby boy who is her world and she is an amazing mother too and the other is the father of my baby who is very sweet and caring where our lil boy is concerned. Both have stepped back looked at their own childhoods and do not want that for their kids and have taken steps to break the cycle. So saying people always turn out the way their parents did isn't totally accurate.

Tiffany - posted on 10/09/2010

Thanks Vanessa!

Vanessa - posted on 10/08/2010

i left my ex before i knew i was preg and havent looked back - and was arguing with myself about what was best for my son. I learnt two things ...

1. You're needs come first. You are this child mother, and when ur happy, so is ur child. Dont let stress get you, because once ur child is born, you'll need all ur energy for your brand new child. Your there to look after your child and u need to look after yourself to be able to do that....which leads me to my second greatest lesson (haha - its taken me 6 months to be ok with this one) ...
2. You really want to surround yourself with people who actually really care about you and your needs. Ive found that before my son was born i would let myself be treated crap, and get caught up in dramas and trying to help friends etc. And now i dont have the time to worry about their issues or get caught up in stuff. Im soo busy now. But the lesson was "surround myself with people i trust" ... its not just me - Ive got the little one to think of too. my social circle has changed since my child has been born ... I used to spend a lot of time and energy in helping people with their problems...and it becomes clear who will help u in return.

Tiffany - posted on 10/08/2010

Thank you Nicole and Oh my goodness...i guess you were meant to say those words to me because this is what happened not too long ago.

His sister texted me saying why did I tell him to loose my number and that he's pissed, what she forgot to mention is that I said I would reach him when I'm ready. I then proceeded with telling her 3 things before I wouldn't reach them again until I had my daughter.
1. What happens between me and her bro ir btwn us
2. I asked her for the address to where he stays now so I can put it down for child support...i thought she was my friend and would've gave it to me
3. That the next time he'd reach me to call and not text

She then called me crazy, that I was a b and not to ever reach her again. That hurt, but I'm glad it happened because now I know where she has been standing all along. I can't believe she said all that and then said I never call them or anything when I have plenty of times. I guess now I've learned my lesson, I will leave all of them alone and don't plan on contacting them or replying to anything as she has made that clear. All because I wasn't going to kiss ass and jump at the oppurtunity to talk to him, after 6 months of him treating me and my baby so wrong. I refuse and I have saved their messages in the case they try to say something else and now I basically have no contact with any of them anymore and quite frankly after this I really don't care to.

Nicole - posted on 10/08/2010

I meant that somewhere in your heart you already know...but not always does your mind realize the same!

Tiffany - posted on 10/08/2010

@ Nicole:just open your mind enough to find out what it is that you should know!
What do you mean by that...I understand everything else you said, but not this part

Nicole - posted on 10/07/2010

I have to agree with the other ladies, change doesn't happen often! My son's Dad didn't even know I was pregnant, but now that my son is 7 he suddenly wants to be a Dad...well, I have seen him in action with his other kids and there has never been parenting, it was always "babysitting". He isn't the type of influence that I would like to have around my child, and have found over the years that even though being a single parent is a struggle, putting up with his not being there when needed would be an even bigger one! Just stay tough, and do what your heart tells you, none of us can tell you what you don't already know...just open your mind enough to find out what it is that you should know!

Tiffany - posted on 10/07/2010

Thanks Lisa!

Lisa - posted on 10/06/2010

They dont change. AND no matter what they say family background does enfluence people as they havent known any better. The sperm donor of my son (now 14 nearly 15 months old) came from a family of liars, cheaters split marriages, solo mums several kids to different fathers and had no respect. He hit me, isolated me and abused me verbally. What your back with this one, he may not be getting his "forfilment" anywhere else and just wanting a piece to put it bluntly.

Tiffany - posted on 10/06/2010

@ Kathy:Thanks a lot...really I needed to hear that

Kathy - posted on 10/06/2010

I truely understand everything that you are going threw as well as what you are feeling. My son is 10 now and the only Dad he knows is my husband, his donor has been out of his life since he was 1 1/2 yrs old. It has been a blessing in disguise. Donor found out i was pregant and he wanted me to have an abothion as well and I wouldn't do it, then he would say that I cheated on him and it wasn't his baby, and then come to find out he was the one that was cheating on me. I had him evicted when my son was 10 months old. then about 6 months later he came back and I tryied to make it work cause he's the birth father of my son but once again my son was 1 1/2 yrs old and I evicted him again. When my son was 2 the donor signed his rights away (to never seeing him and no child support to be paid). This past month I found him and he signed the rights for my husband to adopt my son, it was the smartest thing he has every done. I realized along time ago that if I'm not happy then my child wasn't going to be happy either, so u need to do what's right for the 2 of you 1st and to HELL with everything else.....

Tiffany - posted on 10/05/2010

@ Diana: Thanks a lot for the advice...and from here on out I will definetly listen to my heart. Idk he's just not sitting right with me and I don't want him to hurt my baby girl. If I ever talk to him again I will definetly give him the ultimatum of either being there for her 100 % or none at all.

Diana - posted on 10/05/2010

People really don't change however you can give him a second chance and give him the ultimatum that he's either 100% going to be there or none at all. Also from my experience most guys turn out like their father however I learned the hard way so you should listen to your heart but if he bails again I would cut him off completely.

Jake - posted on 10/05/2010

He could have been thinking about it for a long time and just finally got the courage to do it.