am i doing the right thing

Maryann - posted on 07/07/2012

If you can take care of your child, be independent, have support , and realistically be emotional stable to not care..Do It.. My ex told me to abort my child and I told him no...I became numb which wasn't good, but I knew that I could do it by myself. I don't like children and I always told myself that I would have an abortion if I were pregnant , but once I was told that I was pregnant I knew I wanted to keep him... It's your choice and be realistic ... If you can't support it think about your babies outcome...

Courtney - posted on 07/07/2012

kudos to you. you're absolutely doing the right thing. I have a girlfriend that is going through a similar situation... she's about two months to giving birth and I admire her strength and courage. Just take support wherever you can get it, whether it be a relative or a best friend. A child is an amazing gift and experience. It's the hardest job but also the most rewarding. Best of luck to you.

Carrie - posted on 07/06/2012

The baby you have wanted will have you. Despite what you may feel right now, one day you may meet someone who is right for you, & your child, if you even want to. As far as his "support" the courts can sort that out for you. They can require him to submit to a DNA test if he denies paternity, then once he is proven to be the father they can set child support for you. You will be this child's mom, & you can do whatever you need to for this baby.

Beth - posted on 07/02/2012

With me for my girls, I got their passports sorted, I checked with my solicitor and found that in my case, I didn't need to gain his permission. Should add that I live in the UK, so some of the rules are slightly different. Also meant that my ex couldn't get passports for the girls without me knowing and then potentially take them out of the country.

I talked to my solicitor, and even though the ex is on all three of my girls' birth certificates, I don't have to notify him of everything that we do. The only things I would have to notify him of was if any/all the girls were seriously ill/near death/died, moved to a different community, the girls attended a different school that wasn't expected. He knows that there are two schools locally and it's a natural progression from one to the other (primary to secondary). Also if we migrated to another country and/or went on holiday abroad for long holiday. I haven't spoken to him about the girls for a long time now, he has asked about the girls even less.

Certainly being a single mum is not a thing to be ashamed of, there are various reasons why there are single parent families - mine was because my marriage broke down and the ex isn't brilliant marriage or father material.

Genevieve - posted on 07/01/2012

If you want this baby. Then it's your child. I have two beautiful daughters with a guy that has little to do with them. He was furious to find out I was pregnant with our second. We had just broken up when I found out I was pregnant for the second time. He wanted nothing to do with the baby and was in denial about the pregnancy. Although I was less than thrilled to find out I was having another baby with him, (of course) it has been one of the best things for me and my older daughter. It was my choice. I am the one that cares for both of them solely. He spends maybe 6 hours a week with my older one. He has helped with little to nothing for the past 3 years and I am okay with it. To me what matters is that I know my two daughters are loved and provided for by me and my family and close friends. I don't believe it's wrong to bring a child up as a single mother. I feel you just have to be know that you are going to have a lot more on your plate and there will be sensitive situations later on. Their father is on my first daughters birth certificate because he was there when she was born and my second he isn't. Personally, I wish he wasn't on either. I recently found out that I am not allowed to take my older daughter on travel outside the country without his permission. She can't get a passport without both parents present. And he can request visitation at any point. Court can be expensive, I'm lucky I haven't had to go that route yet. The only down side is if you need or want the child support you can't get it without him present on the birth certificate. If you don't need the money I wouldn't put him on it.

Good luck! If you want this baby I am sure you will be an amazing mother.

Natalie - posted on 06/30/2012

Of course, then you have the jerks who deny being the father, but we have DNA now. :)

Beth - posted on 06/30/2012

If he's on the birth certificate then you can claim child support (but it may mean that he has some visitation rights - but visitation and child support are two different things).

Putting the above to one side, having him on the birth certificate acknowledges that he is the biological father of your child. If for some reason he is not in your child's life, it means that your child will have the option of trying to trace his biological father (and his family) at a later date should he wish to do so. Your child may get accepted by his paternal family, then again he may not.

Dorresa - posted on 06/30/2012

So with the attitude that he has, should I even put him on the birth certificate? I know he wont sign it but will it matter if I just leave it blank.

Beth - posted on 06/29/2012

My ex barely features on my girls' radar - he only really pops up now when he's trying to make himself look good (last time - after his second divorce, though suspect that his family had been asking about my girls for a long time and he needed to save himself some face by being in touch).

Certainly you and your child do not need this man in your life. It doesn't mean that when your child grows up he/she shouldn't be aware of who their biological father is.

I've been working on my family tree for a long time on and off, started before I met my ex. I've put him and his family onto the tree, so that at least the girls can access information about their paternal family, should they wish. I've kept it up to date as possible, but probably got the odd error in it. Certainly my view is that when my girls are old enough, should they wish to trace their Dad's family then they have the information to trace multiple family members and enough information to work on - as I've got a lot of names and dates. Whether or not my girls decide to find their paternal family and if they get accepted into the family are two issues that they will have to deal with. They have not had any contact with their paternal family for over 7.5 years, as the years go by, the less chance that there will be any contact. I have got the impression that until my ex has regular contact with my girls, the rest of his family are unwilling to have any contact. What they may not know/be aware of is that my ex stopped the last lot of contact of his own contact and also that I do have very good worries about him having contact with my girls (due to past behaviour and him having to prove beyond reasonable doubt that he has changed).

Natalie - posted on 06/29/2012

My 5 yr old's fathers response was to get an abortion. I told him straight up that that wasn't going to happen. But as far as financial support, even if the father of your child doesn't want anything to do with you or your child, nowadays they don't really have a choice, because the most places will assist you in getting support from the father. And as long as you have one or two male role models around, he or she will be fine. My daughter is thriving, and I will never regret having her, with or without "support." :)

Dorresa - posted on 06/27/2012

Thanks Christina and Louise. I really do appreciate your responses. I do have a wonderful, supportive family. I am 34 and this is my first child. I am excited about being a mom and so is my family. I know that its going to be hard but my mom did it and her kids are GREAT! Its refreshing to know that there are other single moms that don't regret their decisions. Thank you

Christina - posted on 06/27/2012

Hi Dorresa! I agree with Louise. I've been a single mother, twice over, for the better part of 20 years and although it's not the easiest position to be in, it is doable! Yes, children need fathers, but until there is a man whom you can trust (key word...trust) with you child, you just be the best darn mom you can! My boys (20 and 6 yrs) are just fine (for the most part lol) and I allow NO MAN to be a negative influence with them. Seek support from family (if you have any) and other support groups (if you need to) for single mothers. I wish you the best in both pregnancy and motherhood! Take care! Christina

Louise - posted on 06/27/2012

If you want and love this baby then it does not need a father figure in his/her life. A male role model is all it needs, this could be grandad or a brother or cousin or failing that when he/she is older a scout master. Any positive role model to fill dads shoes is fine. If you believe that you can raise this baby on your own, and are willing to put your life on hold to do so then yes you deserve to be a mum.

This bloke sounds a right twat and your better off out of it. Raise your child the best you can and who knows Mr right might be around the corner who will happily step up and take on the role of dad. Deadbeat dads are the pits for kids. This man is never going to help you raise this child, he may wonder in and out of your life but that is all. Get tough seek legal advice on maintenance and get what is rightfully your childs to help support him/her. As for a relationship with this bloke, NEVER he is a user and not fit to shine your shoes!