"And why are you a single mom?"

Nico - posted on 02/19/2010 ( 50 moms have responded )

0

0

0

When people first look at me, they don't think that I am a mom. I am a mom to a beautiful, imaginative six year old little girl. Her father and I were together for 10 years before we called it quits. Like a lot of irresponsible 20- something males he wanted nothing to do with her or me for that matter. We had the fanfare with his ego, family and friends. For almost two years, then on October 24, 2007 he died.

Now with giving the background on my situations, I hate how people assume that since I am a single mom and unconventional that I somehow managed to drive him away or I didn't even know who her father was but once I utter "he died" , I have been asked on several occasions " was he in a gang?"

My problem is that my little angel desperately wants a father ( she has become somewhat of a bully at school towards children with active male figures). She understands that her father isn't coming back and she feels that there is something wrong with her. I have tried explaining to her that its okay that you don't have a "daddy" but you have so many people that love you. now what?

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Jess - posted on 01/03/2013

2

0

0

It is so hard to date when you are a single mom. I am very skeptical as to who I bring into my son’s lives. I made the mistake of allowing my son to call an ex-boyfriend dad because I was really sure we were going to get married. Worst mistake ever! Will never, ever do that again. I am not going to lie, with all these news stories about child molesters, I get scared. I have tried online dating figuring since I am always busy I do not have time to go out and meet guys. Yeah that didn’t work out. No success story yet but I am hopeful, but in no rush. If it happens, it happens. If it doesn’t I am ok too. But the loneliness of not having a partner gets to me sometimes, but I will live. I stay positive and enjoying my single life =)

Natalie - posted on 03/06/2010

111

36

8

why is it that a single dad is to be applauded and treated like a saint and a single mum is a cheap ho who uses men for money and to get pregnant?

Anetress - posted on 02/25/2010

3

22

0

all too often, when the father of our children quits us, he also quits the child(ren). That, in itself, is hard enough on them. I'm sorry to hear that he is no longer here to be able to visit her. I have to ask, before his passing, did he attempt regular visits with her? She's so young & shouldn't have to go through this at her age. I guess that you have to reaffirm to her that it's not her fault and never was. Keep driving that home. Are there any males in your family that can take her under their wing? Maybe someday, you'll marry a decent guy and she can grow to love him like a father figure. As of now, I'm still a single mom, but I had to do the same thing for my daughter when she was around that age. Her dad is living, but he's over 1,000 miles away and just doesn't have it together at all. Now that she's 15, she's pretty much formed an opinion about how she feels about him. He has other kids and played favortism with them in her presence. She loves him, but rather not be in his company. I hate that it turned out that way. Knowing what I know now about him, I'm glad I didn't marry him, he's not the marrying kind.

I agree, I hate how single mothers are automatically labeled badly.

Miaesha - posted on 02/24/2010

16

59

1

You may want to talk to a child psychologist in your area to figure out ways to help your daughter express her anger in a more positive manner and to understand that she is not the reason why her Daddy died. Many children behave aggressively when they have anger and don't know how to express it. I have similar issues with my son, and he spends time with his father every weekend.

Holly - posted on 02/23/2010

29

10

0

I am a single mom twice over now. My first husband had substance abuse problems, I was only 17 when I met him and thought that he would change. Three children later, no change, so I left for good. He died 8 years ago this month and my oldest son, who is the only one that remembers him, struggles with the loss of his father even though he hasn't seen him since he was 5 and now is 17. I know I can never fill that void of his dad being gone, but I can do my best! As for my second occurance of being a single mom, I got married a second time and we had a blended family of 6 kids (I had my 4th kid a year after we got married). When I met my husband, he seemed like this well put together person, but that quickly fell apart when 3 months after I met him he was on my doorstep with his 2 daughters with no place to go and no car. I, of course, being the bleeding heart I am, took them in. 6 years later, I realize that his whole life is instability. Can't keep a job, doesn't pay his bills, doesn't take care of his children or his wife for that matter... In the end, he was jobless and I was working full-time supporting 7 people. And my 4 biological children were paying the price for it and I was turning into an angry, resentful person. Maybe it was a bit selfish, but I had to put them first. It has been 4 years since I have been a single mom again and I love it! It took me a very long time to feel whole and like I wasn't a failure, but I have a great mom and dad that emotionally support me, a great job that I have had for 10 years, and wonderful friends that are there for me if I am feeling low.

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

50 Comments

View replies by

Len - posted on 09/11/2013

1

0

0

My husband passed away five months. It's very, very, depressing and very faithful. Without saying goodbye to each other. He was diagnosed of pulmonary embolism, and we did everything we could, to have him. Eleven months of struggle and in and out of hospital he loss. We thought, he was okay that time, but we can never really tell when we'll going to go. The hardest part was, our daughter was on a summer vacation in with my parents, when that "big night" happened. That night, I feel so alone and no one to hold on to. He bleeds a lot, and I bring him to household, but he didn't make it. I almost lost my mind, and cry out loud, it's very painful. And I don't know how will I break the bad news to our daughter. But I have to, when I called my parents I was crying and want to talk to my daughter. and I told her straightforward, that Papa was gone, he was with Father God. And we cried a lot.

Now, the pain still remains, and I'm still longing for his presence, his touch and everything. I don't know how to start all over again. Living without the man whom I know, that loved me unconditionally and accept me for who and what I am.

I feel fragmented, half of me was gone. I'm trying to start, for the sake of my child. But it's very, very hard.

Trisha - posted on 03/20/2010

8

38

0

I am a single mom because my husband of 15 years left. He did not want to be married to me anymore. At the time he claimed to want to be polyamorous, in other words not committed to me at all. He had been unfaithful and we had been working through our issues in counseling. Basically, he gave me and our daughter (now 7 years old) up to sow his wild oats. He does have contact with her. Now he is engaged to a nice woman and takes his visitation with our daughter. I feel sorry for the new woman because he is likely to go back to his bad ways, once the newness wears off.

My daughter and I live with my parents. I have a few really close couples and male friends, too. She sees a lot of men and stable couples. We had a rough time when her dad left. It was for the best and I was relieved, but for her it was a real tragedy and a shock. After she was born, he was a stay at home dad to her for 3 years full time. She did not really know about the trouble we were having, so for her it was like one day she had a full-time daddy and the next day, poof! he was gone. I had her in counseling for probably a year and that helped her a lot. Now she is doing great. She still prefers to be with me. She's at her dad's this weekend, for 2 nights, usually she just stays 1... she called me last night and said how she'd rather be with me. It's a comfort and security thing, and she just doesn't feel secure with him any longer.

I believe, as others have said, that our kids are much better off being in a stable, loving situation with one parent, than an unstable, emotionally chaotic one with two parents. It has taken me a long time to understand and come to grips with this because I never wanted to be a single mom.

There are so many immature men out there, it amazes me. I have had no desire to even think about romance in my life as a result of all this trauma. Only recently my interest in the thought of a man in my life has been piqued. Notice I said "thought" ... the reality of some man wanting to be with a 40 year old woman with a 7 year old daughter and two dogs, remains to be seen.

Felecia - posted on 03/20/2010

7

22

1

I am a single mom of two. My oldest father didn't beleive that I was one pregnant and she wasn't his. When I had showed him the proof he still didn't beleive it. I mean he was young. He was only 19 and I was 22 when we found out. I went through a lot. Then he said he didn't want nothing to do with me nor her. So I told him that I didn't want him in my life. Then right before she was born, he went to jail for child molestion on 3 innocent lil boys. After I had her, yes I went to the jail and proved to him she was his. He then amitted she was and told his dad "R.I.P". Know there is no contact with him. She is 6 years old and has been through so much with me when it came down to my youngest daugher and what her father did to us. My oldest wants a father so bad that she has came to the point that she doesnt even want to stay in school. I tell her that there is nothing wrong with wanting a dad. I told her that there are plenity of people that love her.


My youngest is going to be 2 years old soon. Like I said up above. We all have been through a lot. My youngest daughter's father was very controlling, abusive (mentally, physcally, emotional, veribally). We felt like a prisonor in our own home. I was pregnant with her. He threatened to do a lot of this to me. He made my oldest feel it was her fault that I was going through this. Its not her fault. It was terrible the crap that we went through. I tried to get out, he threatened me with a weapon. I was terrified for all three of us. Then after she was born it was still goin on. I had to finally get a PFA to get him away from us. We are all happy and living a life better than it would have been with him. Yes my oldest is terrified of men and dont trust them, that is why we both are getting help to over come this. We are a lot better and happier.

Shawni - posted on 03/20/2010

69

2

3

i didnt wanna be single i was in a serious relationship and engaged, thought he would stick with me made all these false promises then when my son was 3 months old he left me now he barely sees his son and ive gotten no money from him at all! hes still just a child im better off single i couldnt cope looking after the both of them!! lol i love it just being me and my son :)

[deleted account]

I can't stand naive people and people that ASSume all single moms fit what moveis and tv have defined "single moms" to be!

I love to see the looks on people's faces when they ask me why I am a single mom and I tell them "Because the man that I dated for 3 years, then was married to for 4 1/2 years decided that while I was in the hospital after having our 2nd daughter (our 1st was only 16 months old) taht is would be ok to have another woman in our home for an overnight stay. And while I tried to forgive him and get marriage counseling to make our marriage work because I loved him and for our children, he chose to leave us."

Stops people dead in their tracks because:
1. I had dated him and married him before ever having our kids
2. He is the father of both of my kids
3. HE walked away from us even though I was willing to fogive him for his infidelity.

I'm so tired of people assuming that the girls don't have the same dad, that I don't know who their dad is, or that I am the reason he left.

Tovah - posted on 03/18/2010

25

24

0

I'm a single mum to a fantastic 3 year old little man. He's started calling my brothers girlfriend Dad. And won't stop. I know that he doesn't know exactly what he's saying, but he's heard other kids call for their daddy's so he just assumed that it means something else. I'm not looking forward to the day when I Have to explain to him that there is no "daddy". But I really, really hate that question. It wasn't like I chose to be a single mum. Life chose that for me. When I told my "donor" that I was pregnant, he took off. I tried everything I could to get a hold of him, and after months of waiting around to see if he would take an interest, I gave up on him. To my ex and his family, my son doesn't exists. Thankfully my dad is a fantastic man who helps my little guy know that there are men in his life that do care about what a toddler can do, and takes him out to go guy things like ride the bulldozer or go for rides on the snow machine.

I say talk to a professional about your daughter and see what they recommend. It's worth a shot!

And remember, you're not exactly a single parent. You're a total parent!

Terralyn - posted on 03/18/2010

68

39

4

It is hard to be a single mom. people hear single mom and automatically think the worst of you. I think letting your child know her daddy loved her and give her all the love and support you can is all you can do. Other people ask stupid questions and judge no matter what. If you were married and in a bad relationship they'd ask why you didn't leave and if you leave they want to know why you did it. I personally wouldn't worry too much about their opinion. You have a loving supportive family and you give your child all the love you can and that is what is important. Talk to her and help her any way you can to come to terms with her dad not being there. Help her to understand that there are many other children like her with no dad and perhaps you could try and meet some other single moms in your area so that your daughter can get to know their kids and know she is not alone. It might help, I know it sure helped my girls.

Melissa - posted on 03/17/2010

14

16

1

Pray and ask God to give her a better unerstanding of the situation. She is too young to understand why or how her father passed away. In due time she will but just let her know that she does have a father and he hass passed away to be with God. But, explain that to her. This might not be much but, just give her time to understand the situation.

ChrisTina - posted on 03/17/2010

17

34

0

I am a single mom, because my ex-husband decided he wanted a girlfriend... It is hard being a single mom, no matter the situation, and I also have dealt with your situation to an extent, 7 years ago my brother died in a car accident, he had 2 little girls one 3 1/2 and one 13 months. It is still hard on both girls even though my sister in law has remarried, especially the youngest, she actually has severe health issues because of the resentment that she never got to know her real dad. They both love their "new dad" and he has been great for all 3 of them, but like I said it is very hard. Maybe you should have her talk to a children's councilor. If there is a good one in your area, it should really help a lot. I hope that some if this is helpful! Good luck with your little girl!!

Hazel - posted on 03/17/2010

31

27

5

my son is still seeing his dad and we're pretty much cool with the situation...Jach is turning 11 already and he's very mature and responsible...i really dont know how it is to be in your shoes but for me the best thing for you to do is let your daughter feel your love all the more...if she's feeling secure with you and the people around her she'll get to realize that she's perfectly fine and it's not her fault why she doesn't have a father...

[deleted account]

Im 23year old single mum to a beautiful 2year old boy. the reason im single is his donor and i were only together a few times a 'fling' if thats what u want to call it and i didnt find out i was pregnent untill i was 11weeks i told him and he called me some pretty nasty names but i knew that i would be single mum as soon as i found out he had 2 other girls pregneat at the same time and was just a waste off time. he dosnt want anything to do with my child and i wouldnt want my child knowing someone that dosnt want him. but we are surrounded by a loving and supportive family and friends and has two uncles and a pop that are great male influences for him now i wouldnt have it any other way

Amanda - posted on 03/10/2010

7

15

1

I am a 21 year old single mother to a wonderful two year old! I was very young when I had my son and so was the baby daddy. We were just kids having fun and made some bad decisions. He left me when I was 4months pregnant. He hasn't seen his son and he does pay child support now. I love being a single mom. It's an incredibly hard job but my son deserves the best and he just isn't it!

Keke - posted on 03/08/2010

5

2

1

I think for your daughter it is hard 2 understan some things & even aftrer you have explained things to her she may not completely understand i think it is important that you reassure her as best as you can that she is loved & keep in mind some days will be better than others. I also have a 6 year old daughter who has a father who participates when he wants & she just cannot understand that so I do all that I can to show her how much she is loved

LorAine - posted on 03/08/2010

27

22

7

I'm a single mom because my son's father wasn't grown up yet. He wanted to go out all the time and we argued a lot. I didn't want my son to see that all of the time. We broke up when my son was 6 weeks old and for the next 2-3 years we "tried" to work it out. It took me that long to see that he was just using me when he didn't have someone else. He then gave me an ultimatum: Either we are together or I'm moving out of state. I said "see ya". He moved and that was almost 6 years ago. He talks to my son only when I'm on him to do it (about 2 times a year he gives in). My son doesn't like to call him because he doesn' t know what to talk about. In his eyes his dad is the greatest. I leave it at that because he will find out in due time what things are like. I love my little boy and have NEVER bad mouthed his dad around him. That is that.

Cristina - posted on 03/08/2010

3

25

1

I'm going through something similar. My son is 4 years old and just the other day he was looking at his photo album and and said "mommy I want to be a baby again so that you and my daddy can be together" I was with his dad for 10 years, but he cheated and had other children on me. I couldn't take it anymore so I left him so now I'm a single mom by choice. And if I must say so myself I'm doing great by his side by myself. I explain to my son that his daddy is busy, but his dad just doesn't want anything to do with him. I wish you the best with your situation

Julie - posted on 03/08/2010

33

23

0

I understand what your daughter going through.. I grew up without a dad cause he just did not want to take responsibility. I just manage it all along and my mother spend alot of time with me and that was a good thing. Just talk to your daughter about her dad in a positive way and maybe you can put a picture of him in her room. Right now she is still too young to understand her feelings.. Maybe you can take her to some counseling..If there are some male figures in your family, maybe they can bond with her so she feels secure.

I know I have 4 girls and my ex really never spend alot of time with them like all kids would love to have. Instead, I have friends and families who their husband play with my girls and they love it.

Angel - posted on 03/07/2010

3

1

0

I am so proud of all of you ladies. I have read all of your stories with an open mind. There is one thing that I can hear for sure. Every child spoken about is very lucky to have such wonderful moms to love and and adore them!! I am also a single mom and too embarassed to tell why I am no longer with my ex-husband. Be strong and keep looking forward!! Never loose your faith! God Bless you all!

Alisha - posted on 03/07/2010

1

0

0

Well Im a single mom now to my 11 month old baby girl...
My baby daddy left me for another girl... He just decided he didnt want this nomore and left..Its hard cuz i was nowhere prepare for this. But im going to make it..Im going to be strong for me and my baby

Nicole - posted on 03/07/2010

6

63

0

I'm a single mother to my beautiful 6 month old baby girl. I left my baby dad when I was 8 months pregnant because he was just slacking about everything and starting getting really abusive towards me. I decided to give him another chance so that my daughter could have her father in her life, but I live half way across the country from him and we were working on plan so that he could down here and be with us, but he decided that going to parties and doing drugs was more important, and broke up with me because he meet someone else.

Fiona - posted on 03/07/2010

20

35

2

I was made pregnant by my then boyfriend. We had only been dating for some 1 year plus or so. He didnt want anything to do with us initially but then came around and said he did only because here in Malaysia - everyone talks and he didnt enjoy the bad rep.

Hence his reason for wanting to be in her life to me means nothing for he only sees her once a week sometimes and at times he doesnt come around at all unless I text him and remind him to do so.

Like you, I too dont look like much of a mum and when people ask me how or what happened to have landed me with a daughter, I tell them it was by choice. Some people have only admiration for my guts and choice but others (like most asians) shun my decision and the fact that I was having sex out of wedlock. Some go as far as speculating that I've had an affair with a married man n this is his child.

I care very little for all those rumours. Often I just laugh em off. Like I said, this is asia and ppl here practise 'holier than thou' standards. But all that matters to me is my daughter and I couldnt have done this without an amazing support system - friends and family. I dont know what I'd do without them.

What next for you? - Join a parish in your neighbourhood and sign your girl up for the activities...I blv she needs to feel belonged. It's worth the try. My daughter (who is now 2 is chatty, prayful, quite the singer n dancer n can spell too) belongs to a parish for children and she loves it. The kids at church are kind and gentle and the parents are caring. It helps when you have these folks around. You never know when you might need them.

Im hoping my daughter will come to terms with the fact that her daddy may not see her often enough but hey, who needs him when you have sooooooooooo many people around you who love u. He is just one additional person. And I always remind her that she has her MUMMY and that's THE main person. she will need ;o)

I hope my thoughts help.....on a separate note....my daughter and I struggle to get by financially for there is no aid for us single-mums hence can I trouble u to vote for her to win tickets to Disney on Ice. It’s the least I can do for I cant afford the tickets to take her to the show. She’s leading now by about 3 votes so please vote before the closing date 14 March ‘10 at http://sg.theasianparent.com/wp-content/...

Steps:
1. Click on link, scroll down n Click on the “ There’s fun at every nook and corner” album by Fiona Biggs.
2. Scroll down again n vote :o)

Thank you and God Bless.

Desiree - posted on 03/07/2010

16

22

2

IM SO SICK OF THAT QUESTION!!! anybody else get asked that in the hospital, my babys dad didnt show up and i was constantly asked why he wasnt there when i said he cheated on me and got another chick pregnant so i left him they asked me why not forgive and forget WTF IS THAT ABOUT cuz i dont like being cheated on single mums are just as good and parents in relationshps it just shows that we are stronger and baver to put up with it and still be amazing parents

Ivy Christine - posted on 03/07/2010

6

43

0

i understand your situation, but what your daughter need is love, from you, your family and friends. let her feel that she is impt and that its not her fault that her dad died young..being a single mom is not easy, specially at a young age just like you.. but you need to be strong and be there for your child. a new daddy figure might help but its much better for to have her confidence just because of u...

Kristina - posted on 03/06/2010

21

9

1

Instead of telling her that she doesn't have a daddy try telling her some things about her daddy. Let her know that her daddy loved her. I know it is hard to say nice things about your ex-but this isn't about you it is about your little girl. Maybe if she feels that her daddy loves her and she can remember him maybe she will change how she feels about other kids having a dad. She is obviously grieving for her daddy and since he is dead you wont be lying to her about him not being around. It is just a thought.

Jackie - posted on 03/06/2010

31

64

4

I understand. My husband was killed when my son was 5 and I was 8 months pregnant with my daughter. He was in the Air Force. I hate it when people ask me how long I've been divorced or where is my husband. I tell them he is 6 foot under.... it's quite a shock. I did not "drive" my husband away , nor did he leave me for another woman. I did not want or choose to be a single mother, but it is the lot that God gave me and I do what I can the best I can to make it work. My son remembers his Dad, but my daughter never did get to meet him. For some time she would ask if her Dad left because she was coming. It was like stabbing me in the heart. It took a while, but she now understands that was not why he had to leave. She is 10 now and wants so badly to have a Daddy. I do have several of their Dad's item in the house. His awards , his flag box and photos. We live only a block from where he is burried , so she can go "visit" him anytime she wants and that seems to help. We talk about him and don't exclude him from their lives. If they want to talk about him, we do. If they don't , we don't. It takes time for them to come to terms with the loss of a parent and they have to process it in their minds. I hope and pray it all works out for and condolences on the loss of their dad. My husband was killed on Oct 25, 1999.

[deleted account]

i have 3 kids legally 2, my third child she was adopted due to the fact her brother my 2nd child and her have the same father and he told me to abort her and if i dont hes leaving, so he left, my daughter jenna was born on feb 1 happy healthy baby girl and i signed the adoption papers for her parents on valentines day and my oldest is almost 3 and her father left me when i told him i was pregnant. i just ended up with 2 dead beat dads. and both of them have chosen not to see their child.

Robyn - posted on 02/25/2010

16

32

1

I am so sorry people make cruel assumptions. :(



I second the idea of a child or family therapist to help her process it.



I also think it can be helpful, at an age appropriate level, to try to talk about parents and extended family/loved one/family by choice- does she have other male role models or family? For example, adoption, surrogacy, gay couples, single mom by choice, and/or death of a parent (it's a tough one, the latter/your situation, since it is so permanent-- maybe make a scrapbook, pictures, something tangible for her? and/or share if you have any religious beliefs that he is in heaven or with her in spirit or whatever?)



finally, maybe let her know that (if true, at least) you may re-marry someday, and see how she feels? idk if that is appropriate or not, maybe feel it out, and i don't know if you yourself do have any plans of remarrying or dating, and of course the motive shouldn't be to "find her a daddy," it should be to find someone you love and simultaneously would play that role to your little girl, but let her know too that sometimes families do blend together, stepfathers, second parent adoptions, etc. it could open a can of worms, or could be another/good way to reassure her.. idk.



best of luck and hugs to you..

Natalie - posted on 02/25/2010

111

36

8

i dated my donor for 2 weeks before i got preg. at 35 i didnt think i could have kids. he was 6 yrs younger than me and he was very different from all my other exes that i thought id give it a go. he was the middle child but treated by his family as the baby. his friends and his family had no boundries and just came over to his house whenever they wanted. when they did come over all other plans were instantly dropped (meaning me) and he did what the others wanted. he was a big drinker and i dont drink. he was an immature child of 30 and when i hit about 5mths i decided that as a grown woman the only baby that i would raise would be my baby not a baby AND a grown man. it was the best decision i had ever made. all my daughter was to him was a trophy. proof his dick worked.
you dont need an idiot in your family to be a family. my girl sees her grandfather 2 times a week or so and she has male contact at childcare. better that then an idiot at home. xx

Alison - posted on 02/25/2010

89

19

8

Because that my marriage with my ex and his family controlling and other things.

Shari - posted on 02/25/2010

2

21

0

i certainly didn't plan on this path. my sons father died of alcholism when he was 9 and is now almost 17. old enough to know his dad to realize what was going on. it took many years for him to reveal how he felt and he did so in writing it down in a poetic form. his perspective, his memories and his regrets....he ended with his dads name, date he died and a simple " i miss you RIP Michael James Myers" what he wrote bout tore my heart out because of the complete honesty he expressed. since that moment he has come to terms with his loss, doesn't like the circumstances it has left us in and wish his dad were around to share some of his accomplishments.

Jessica - posted on 02/25/2010

40

51

2

im single by choice cause of immature children fathers i never expect either to have 2 different fathers

Kimi - posted on 02/24/2010

8

0

0

i chose to divorce daddy while pregnant. i don't want my daughter growing up thinking it's okay for a man to mentally and verbally abuse a woman. still pregnant and going through a divorce i hope he doesn't bail, but he already recently did on his first child so who knows..

Manon Alexe - posted on 02/24/2010

94

18

7

I will never be able to tell my precious daughter the truth as to why she doesn't have a daddy. When i found out she was on the way he tried to talk me into an abortion. So i told him if that's how he felt i'd rather abort him out of our lives. He's never met her and she's now 17 months old. My worry is what do i say when she asks me why she only has a mommy. Luckly i have some time before the questions come. And maybe, only time will tell, he'll come round and decides he wants to be part of her live and spare us the questions.

Melody - posted on 02/24/2010

20

16

3

Try having some other male figures as a constant in her life. Uncles, cousins, grandfathers. I am a single mom to a 3 yr old and she has started asking why she does not have a daddy so I try to surround us with positive male role models and assure her that just because her dad is not around there are still men who will love her and cherish her just like a father would. Stay strong and encouraged.

Kristina - posted on 02/23/2010

2

11

0

I am a single mother of three children ages 11, 9 and 5 yrs. old. My husband passed away 9 months ago. I did not choose these circumstances and have learned the hard way that people can be cruel and rude. It is none of there business to start with. I don't worry about what people think anymore, I spend that time worrying about my children instead. I have come to the conclusion though at least when they are talking about me they are giving everyone else a rest. I thank God every day that I have a Dad, brother and nephew that are very involved with my children. Don't lie to your child when they are old enough to start asking questions. One lie leads to another and another. My husband committed suicide due to a 42 year old lie. My children know the complete truth about how he died and why it committed suicide. If I would have lied to my children i would be no better than the next person that lies. It was a very hard decision to be that honest with my children, but in the end they won't hate me for telling them a lie. Everything happens in due time and you have no control over what is to happen. Instead of worrying about what other people think and staying upset, realize we are not guaranteed a tomorrow and spend the time with your child instead of worrying about what others think. Sad thing is with my situation being suicide people automatically assume it was drugs, alcohol or abuse. You can't help if they are ignorant. There loss for not trying to understand. Hang in there and things will get better. Just remember enjoy today and don't worry about tomorrow because there is no guarantees for tomorrow.

Carmen - posted on 02/23/2010

5

2

1

i toltaly agree with you charity im now 30 years old and my daughter is 11 i have been bringing her up on my own since she was 3 years old im not sayin its been easy at all there were times when i thought i could not carry on i had lost who i was spending ever night in the house with noone to talk to or any company but looking back now i realised it made me a stonger person now i feel i can cope with anything life throughs at me and best of all i realised i love being a mum

Janet - posted on 02/23/2010

22

14

1

i was married /common law 17 years & he left to be with his ho.....that was in 2003 & i am as would be expected still alone.......NOONE & i mean NOONE is interested in a serioux=s relationship with a woman who is either or 1) 40 plus /has 3 or more children......all i can say is i miss my marriage and i did nothing to deserve this hell i have been thrust into. I accept that I will be alone foreverm but it is sad as this means no legitamate sexual activity and therfore as i cannot be a poor role model i am now a nunn which leaves me sexually frustrated and alone beyond belief......Not Fair Not Fair Not Fair....Mean while he has a nice new car, new house, new baby with the ho...and I am just clinging to sanity by a thread

Charity - posted on 02/23/2010

73

19

5

it isnt our choice but we are strong women who keep our heads held high and do what we have to for ourchildren and our children will be grateful for it no matter if their fathers are there or not

Christi - posted on 02/23/2010

3

5

0

I am a 22 year old single mom to an amazing 2 year old... His father died 2 months before we were suppossed to get married and my son was 9 months old. So he will never know his father. I'm going through a similar problem and after people hear why I'm single they act weird because they've never been through our situation. But my sons papa is his "father figure." There is nothing wrong with being a single mother, yes its hard at times but it wasn't by choice for some of us women. If you would like to talk email me. cssteers06@yahoo.com

Joanne - posted on 02/23/2010

53

25

6

Luckily my little one has her PaPa for a male role model. I became pregnant at the age of 37 and it was something I didn't believe could even happen. My daughter's donor tried to pressure me into an abortion using my health as an excuse and when that didn't work he threw me around a bit, I guess trying to make me lose her (250lbs vs 115lbs). My little girl is not only a miracle but has such a life force that nothing stops her! :) Her donor hasn't seen her since she was 8 months old when I but the ground rule in place that he couldn't just drop in on us but had to make arrangements a week in advance. Guess that was too much bother. We don't receive any support or communication from him. She'd doing great though I know that the questions will come too soon and I am not sure what the best answer will be. The best we can do as single moms is to shower our children with love, provide discipline that teaches them about boundries and respect for others and be good role models. There are no easy or definite answers that fit every case, wouldn't it be nice if there were? Perhaps though some counseling for you and your daughter wouldn't hurt. It sounds like your daughter may be going through the grieving process and may need some guidance to get through it. Blessings to you and your daughter, I hope things get better.

Gemma - posted on 02/23/2010

3

94

0

I am single parent to my 2 daughters who are 4, and 17 months old. I was with there father for 4 years but in those 4 years he cheated on me numerous of times, was violent towards me and was also very immature. I finally decided to end things in december '07. But after ending things with him a week later I found out that I was expecting my second child. Many people told me to abort the baby but I myself could not bring myself to do such a thing. I told there father and he was supportive and came to my first scan with me. After any antenatal appointments he would always ring me to find out how I got on. He continued to see my eldest daughter 4 days a week up unitll fathers day '08. He came round in the morning to spend fathers day with her but when he left at half past 2 that was the last time he had contact with her. I texted/rang and emailed him on many occassions trying to sort out some sort of contact with my eldest daughter but he wasn't interested. Then all the accussations started where he started saying that the baby that I was carrying wasn't his. Then came the threathening phone call/texts and emails. In the end I gave up trying and gave him what he wanted which was no contact with my daughters. He has never seen my youngest who is 17 months old and its nearly 2 years since hes seen my eldest. The way I look at is my daughters are so much better off without someone like him involved in there lives. I give them all the love they need. And untill that day that they decide for themselves that they want to see him I will continue to be there mummy and daddy and will cherish every moment of it.

Charity - posted on 02/23/2010

73

19

5

Im a 22 year old single mom of a almost 2 month old daughter because the father decided to have a fling and didnt want to be with me.I knew from the start that i was going to be a single mom, but always hoped that my daughters father and i would get back together but it doesnt look to promising. Yes hes in his daughters life only because i told him to be there on a regular basis or dont bother because your not walking in her life and then walking out on her because thats too hard for her to go through and for me to deal with because i didnt have a father growing up, my biological father passed away when i was 4 years old and i didnt know him at all..my mom had several partners and i will not let my daughter go through what i went through growing up..i want her to have a better life than i did and if that means for her father to be there than her father will be, unless he chooses not to and thats the way it looked at first, but now hes playing an active role in ehr life and im grateful for that.

Jenny - posted on 02/23/2010

5

48

0

I knew from day one that I would be a single mom. My son is 2 months old and he's already a big brother. His father does zero for him. hasn't seen him yet, he hasn't bought him so much as a pack of diapers. Yes him and I do talk and I send him pictures and update him on doctors appointments and what not. But he has no say in anything that takes place. I've told him that it will continue to be this way untill he starts to help out.

[deleted account]

And why am I a single mom?.... I got home from my first prenatal appointment after work and my home was a little emptier. Yes, the 'sperm donor' was there at that appointment and he knows I have a happy, healthy son. Exactly zero phone calls and zero visits. He's never met my son who turned 18 months old on Valentine's Day. Oh, notice that this beautiful boy is only mine?? I gave the 'sperm donor' a lot of opportunity for communication before my boy was born. My son's life is full of love and male role models that can show him how to be a real man.

Danelle - posted on 02/22/2010

3

12

1

I don't have quite the same situation as you do but my daughter's father signed off his rights immediately and has never met her so it's just me and her and my very supportive family. She's 9 now but it was around the same age as your daughter that mine started asking all the questions.....I told her just the same as you that all families are different, she has her grandpy who is a great role model. Also that we are happy with just 'us' and we don't need a guy. I stressed all the special girly things we got to do all the time that wouldn't be the same if there was a guy around. She came to her own terms with it as far as I can tell up to this point and everything is fine. Just be patient and maybe give her a little bit of extra attention.

Vicky - posted on 02/22/2010

18

15

3

i know what you mean i am a mother to two beautiful children and i talk to people and judge me like it was my choice to be single yes it was my choice to have the children but not my choice to be single and yes they have two different fathers but the 2nd father i had intended to marry but my family drove him so crazy that he just couldnt handle living with us anymore and decided that the best option was for us not to be together anyways he used to come and see my son quite often and when he was there he would always talk to my daughter and even now treats her as his own but he didnt come to see us for a week and my daughter asked me if he was dead i think that you just have to get every one that loves her to keep telling her that she doesnt need a daddy and that there is nothing wrong with her and when the time is right she will have another one and that she is special because she has all these people around her

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms