any advice on when your child should meet the new boyfriend?
Trina - posted on 03/06/2010
I have a fourteen year old son and I started dating when he was about three years old. I chose not to introduce my son to anyone that I didn't think I had a long term future with. My son and I are a family, even though it may be a small one I wanted him to understand without a doubt that our family was important and safe. I decided that I wanted my son to be raised in a house that was as close to a traditional household has possible. And that doesn't really involve dating. I dont live a wild lifestyle but he would have met quite a few guys if I hadnt stuck to this rule.
Almost three years ago I met a great guy and we plan to spend the rest of our lives together. We dated for a year before I introduced him to my son. I also discussed it with my son before they met. I think my son appreciated that I included him in my decision. I'm not suggesting that you go to the extreme that I did but my son seems to be well adjusted. Has it been difficult for me? Absolutely. But my family is my first priority.
This doesn't mean that I didnt have lots of fun being single. I established a support group with family members and two other single Moms that feel the same way that I do. We agreed that we would rotate weekends and be there for each other as much as possible. I got lots of long weekends off, the other weekends were quite busy with lots of kids but it was fun and since my son is an only child he loved the company. You just have to do some creative planning.
Kristina - posted on 03/06/2010
I would make sure this guy is going to be around a while because children get attached easily and I think it would be hard for children to get attached and then have to wonder where so-and-so went and you would have to explain it, so I would say when it is fairly serious. I think guys sometimes talk more than act and they may just say something to get what they want from you and then leave. If the guy is worth it then he will allow for you two to build a solid and healthy relationship in which you could gradually and after time introduce him and your child. The great guy will be understanding to this and not push it. Good luck with that one.
Megan - posted on 03/06/2010
Your question is something I can relate to Janellika. My daughter is almost 18 months now and I have some of the same concerns. I got into a serious relationship when she was only about a month old, I was convinced he was "the one". He was amazing with her, which stunned me because the first 9 months of her life were horrible due to severe health problems. I later found out that this guy was not at all who I thought he was, and was not the sort of person I could allow in our lives. My daughter took that really hard, she loved him very much. It's been about five months since I broke things off, and I'm hesitant to start dating again. She's my first priority, which doesnt leave much time for anyone else. But when I do begin dating again, whenever that may be, I plan on waiting about six months before bringing her into the picture. I think a good way to go about it would be to involve him in a few outtings with your son and see how he feels about the person, children tend to be a good judge of character ;-) But then to hold off on them becoming a regular part of your routine until you know it's going to be a long term thing, which means only YOU will know when the time is right. Best of luck!
Kristin - posted on 03/06/2010
I have recently been in your situation. Although I have dated since my divorce I never wanted my son to meet the men unless it was serious. Well one finally became serious and you will know when the right time it. I depends on you and if you are ready. No one can tall you when the right time is. Also depending on the age of you child(ren) you may have some resistance but it normal. Just make sure you are communicating with your kid(s) about what is going on and that they still come first and always will.
Tiffany - posted on 03/06/2010
I've been seeing my boyfriend for over six months. He lives in another state, and I fly to see him every month. This month he'll be here, and he'll meet my children for the first time. I personally would only introduce someone to my children if I thought the relationship was going to be long term, and by "think" I mean we've had the important talks, we're on the same page about the big issues (family, money, religion, parenting, sex, employment etc.) we have common goals and we both agree that the relationship is serious. The word "love" better be said and meant before I let anyone near my kids. But that's just me and what I am comfortable with.
Ashley - posted on 03/05/2010
i have had 2 boyfriends since my daughter was born.im still with the second guy and she met them right away.i wanted them to be sure that she was in my life and wanted to see how they interacted with her as well and if it didnt work out it would be the same as her seeing my friends from time to time
Rashonda - posted on 03/05/2010
Start with a small outting just you,ur child(ren) and ur mate. Have ur mate refrain from buying gifts on thetmeeting because kids will expect that all of the time. Children have a tendancy to pick up on vibes that we often miss so if your child is reluctant to accept don't force the issue be patient enough to let them come around and adjust on their own.---Rashonda
Amy - posted on 03/05/2010
Hi, I went through the same situation a few months back, it was actually the first guy ive seriuosly dated since my son was born. I let him meet my son and we all spent a lot of time together, the guy was absolutely wonderful with my son and my son adored him. Unfortunately things did not work out because he had to move out of state, and after this experience ive decided to not let my son meet whoever i am seeing until its reallyyyyyy seriuos, i mean like going to get married seriuos. The reason i say this is because it made the whole break up harder, not to mention my son is always doing little things that my ex taught him so i alwayys am thinking about my ex and most of all, my son really began to look up to him and see him as a fatherly figure and then he leaves, that must be hard on a kid :( its obviuosly completely your decision and you need to do what you feel is right but my advice is try not to involve your children,
Jeannie - posted on 03/05/2010
I personally don't introduce them at all unless I feel its going somewhere, but even then im Leary on them meeting my child for the sake of protecting him if he were to get attached and it not work out....my son doesn't have his father around so I have to be very careful who he meets for the fear of sudden attachment to any male figure..
Stephanie - posted on 03/04/2010
do not go to fast. wait til you feel that everything is okay. because you don't want make the wrong move. guys can be nice at the beganning. and end up being something different.pray about it.God always give you the right answer.
Janellika - posted on 03/03/2010
i know exactly what you mean jillian i was tallking to this guy for about 1 month and we started seeing eachother he knew my struggles and had a kid himself he seemed to want what i wanted i decided maybe i should let him meet my son to see how he interacts with him and he was great with him but eventually things turned sour and our relationship only lasted a month... it made me so mad that i introduced him to my son.. so now im very cautious about who meets my son... thanks everyone for ya'lls thoughts..
Jillian - posted on 03/03/2010
As a single mom and someone who experienced introducing a guy to my 16 month old who I ended up only dating for two months and she adored. He said all the right things like he wanted to be a father figure to her and blah blah. In hindsight I realize I wanted that so much for her since her father has never been in her life that I rushed into it before really getting to know him. I would say wait until you really know the guy and know he is going to be around because meeting your child is something precious not every guy is deserving of that. Just trust your heart you will know when the time is right. Just make sure it is someone you trust and will be a postive person in your sons life. Good luck.
Beret - posted on 03/03/2010
I don;t think is a right time, it kinda feeling the relationship.
I'm dating this guy and he already wants to meet my daughter and its only been 3 weeks. I'm saying no and reason why is cause he is in the middle of a divorce. it can go either way.
Michelle - posted on 03/02/2010
I would think you wait until this is someone you could see spending a good deal of time with.
My mom dated after the divorce but we only ever met two; one she really considered long term possible, the other more along the lines of him trying to push into her life (he didn't last much after that).
The thing to take care about is kids form attachments so make sure they're worthy of the attachment, and you're prepared to take the fall-out if it doesn't work out.
Meghan - posted on 03/02/2010
I have been wondering that too. I don't want my son meeting every guy that takes me out to dinner lol. I agree I don't think there is a "right" time. I think in your heart you will know which guy is appropriate to bring home and when!
Join Circle of Moms
Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.Join Circle of Moms