Anyone here believe that a long-distance online relationship can work?

Mercy - posted on 10/02/2011 ( 36 moms have responded )

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I am a widow, got 3 kids, i have been dating a man online for more than a year...we get along along well, but the distance is just killing us.

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Sami - posted on 10/04/2011

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hello Mercy:) You said that you are dating online-have you actually met and spent time together??? How far does he live from you, and how ofter do you get to see each other?
I met a man online in 2006 after a horrendous divorce that included abuse to me and children (I have 4), and a situation in which my ex secretly had lost our home, stole every cent we had, and moved in with his mother-leaving me with absolutely nothing-we were in a shelter, then with friends until I got back on my feet. I met my guy 7 months later, online, kind of a fluke, I wasn't looking for a long distance relationship at all. We lived 350 miles apart, spoke a few times, then met. We hit it off pretty well, but our lives were very different-he was a 43 year old bachelor with no children, I had been a stay at home, homeschooling mom for 11 years. In the beginning it was hard, but as we got to know each other, we were able to plan to spend every other weekend together-weekends where I didn't have the children. He was leery about getting involved with a women with so many kids and responsibilities, and I was just leery period after my past experience. He met my kids months later, and fell in love with them. Our relationship was NEVER easy...trusting a new person so far away is hard, and building a relationship with no visible future is difficult-sometimes it seemed like I was investing time and energy into nothing.
After 2 years he talked of moving to my area, even bought a house that the kids and I lived in. He is not the average guy-he's very successful, as I learned slowly, and he made it clear that he wanted the best for us-all of us. 3 years into the relationship-many difficult times, he gave me a ring and asked us to move to his city. Worried about dealing with my ex in court over moving, I said no at first-I knew I couldnt handle court-my ex is just a "bad guy", and I knew he would do anything and everything to make me run out of money before I could win the case. My fiance, however, challenged that, taking care of all the costs, dealing with eight months of craziness (in which my ex, in trying to make ME look bad, lost all rights to his kids except for a few supervised holiday visits). We have lived in our new state and city for over a year now and he is simply wonderful. This may be a rare story tho...I am blessed. It was SO hard in the beginning....I think you need to know where the relationship is headed, if nothing else...If you cant discuss THAT, then I think you have found your answer.

Kelly - posted on 08/16/2012

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If it is meant to be and true it will it took us time to get together. I really hope that it works out for you

Danielle - posted on 10/06/2011

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Maybe one of you should consider moving. A year is a long time, maybe if you got together, it WOULD work :)

Rachel - posted on 10/04/2011

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I'm getting married to my long distance man on 11-11-11 we've been talking and dating since late '07

36 Comments

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Roger - posted on 09/01/2014

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Distance relationship is what i have never believed until a friend of mine got married with a lady he meet online,and now i am looking for a woman i can LOVE and trust as not just a friend but a lady i can get married to.

Mercy - posted on 08/17/2012

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Hi Mikhailah,

Thanks for that post. I have been trying to be very observant even if we just talk online. I know its easy to be someone else virtually, but my feelings are telling that he is for real.. he never pretended to be anything than what he is.. Oh, I just really hope this works, like what to you and your husband.

Regards to both of you. :)

Mercy

Mikhailah - posted on 08/17/2012

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Hello there! From my experience, it can work. I was in a long distance relationship for 3 years before me and my now husband got married. we've been married for almost 2 years now. it's very challenging. When you do meet this man, try to be observant. Try to get to know him as best as you can so you'll know how he really is in person. I'm filipino myself but I used to live in Canada. I know a few friends and acquaintances from the philippines who are going through the same situation as you. Some got lucky, some didn't. Its a hit and miss,really. I know it's hard to trust someone who you've only met through the internet, but when you're in a long distance (online) relationship, you will need a lot of it in order for your relationship to to work out. it might sound as a big gamble, but try to ask yourself if he's worth it. Re-evaluate your feelings when you meet this guy in person.

Mercy - posted on 08/16/2012

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Hi Kelly,

thanks for the post...I hope you and your man can work it out. I am also hoping that my online relationship will still be real in time. it's been going on for two years now... when you come to think of it.. we are on our third year, and still haven't met in person..hopefully.. next year.. :)

Kelly - posted on 08/16/2012

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I had a long distance online relationship for over three years. I was in the military and deployed most of the time though but he use to tell me how much he loved me and missed me. Come to find out that we are now together and living together and he cheated on me for most of the time. We also have a child together which makes it even more difficult

Monica - posted on 07/14/2012

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It can work if you know that person. I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years now & we live about an hour & a half plane ride away from eachother. The only thing that I really hate is that you'd do get lonely especially there is an event like a BBQ or concert & you can't go to it together. We decided to keep it long distant due to my children but it's been long enough & decided together that next May, job or not, he's moving here.
Good luck.

Mercy - posted on 10/06/2011

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yeah.. we are considering that.. he cant move here...he got a good job in the states.. but i can relocate there.. my job is online

Mercy - posted on 10/06/2011

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Hi Danielle.. i know it is hard being apart.. and u got a point.. he could be lying...oh just hope he is not :) thanks

Danielle - posted on 10/06/2011

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Nope. Either one of you can have sex with another and neither one would know. Also, lack of sex always kills a relationship, AND, he could be a complete liar of all things.

Mercy - posted on 10/04/2011

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Sami, hello, i met my online bf last year, i am from the Philippines and he is from Wisconsin. it is hard because we are oceans apart, but we talk everyday. i chat with his kids even his mom at one. we kind of keep up with each other's activities.. easy for me because i work online and i am online most of the day.
we havent met in person yet, but he has [plans of coming next year..i just hope it will happen.
by the way yours is truly a beautiful love story and i am happy to know that some people do get happy and together through long distance relationships... :) thank you

Mercy - posted on 10/04/2011

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hello Rachel.. i am happy for you :) urs is a story i want to know...very encouraging, thank u..

Mercy - posted on 10/04/2011

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and yes patience and an open communication is vital in keeping a long distance relationship going..:)

Juvy - posted on 10/04/2011

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to add to your comment mercy i have many friends too that are happily married now..well there was sacrifice at first but like i mentioned Patience is really a Virtue.a and depends on both parties.good communication is very important.

Mercy - posted on 10/03/2011

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Juvy, thanks, i have also met a few couples who met online and are happily married now..i am wishing you and your fiance all the best..

by the way my mom's maiden name is Mateo..:)

Juvy - posted on 10/03/2011

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it works if you both want it to work,,it is hard but it is depends on both of you what you both want. as for me i met my fiance online and we are getting married soon..still we have to wait after the wedding for 4 to 5 months for us to be able to live together..Patience is really a virtue..and thats one thing you need for having a LDR.

Mercy - posted on 10/03/2011

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@Jamesa. yes you are right, it is stressful and frustrating being far from each other..:(
@Cynthia..thanks.really hoping it will work somehow..
@Innocentia,, thanks, i was also very apprehensive at first and i know i still can't fully trust the Internet..
Thank you guys.. guess, i will know if he is true to me once he comes for me..:)

Innocentia - posted on 10/03/2011

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really not sure,i don't really trust online people>but i guess if its someone you know and trust that they will be faithful wherever they are it shouldn't be a problem

Jamesa - posted on 10/02/2011

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I would say no because you are only adding the extra stress of not being able to be with this man. Plus people can be whoever they need to be online. So I would say find someone closer to home..

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