Are you extremely far from trusting?

Jessica - posted on 03/21/2012

Thank you very much Jennifer for that. It was very helpful and encouraging.

Jennifer - posted on 03/21/2012

P.S.I hope that you find a relationship where you can take that step out and not find yourself cornered in fear again by emotional isolation, but rather you find on the other side a new sense of hope. The truth is that everyone is going to fail us sometimes.. but we still must pursue healing for ourselves and attempt risk by emotional honesty in order to be able to receive love again. I always tell my son now.. "If you tell me how you feel, you won't lose me" (THAT I can promise as I have been through enough to take it to heart deeply) .. Choosing to heal and be honest IS a form of self love.. its a soul massage. :)

Jennifer - posted on 03/21/2012

"Everytime you help bring hope to the parent who struggles, you help give the child a pieceof their family back"

Jennifer - posted on 03/21/2012

"When we choose the less traveled roadof healing we give our children the freedom we live in as well"

Jennifer - posted on 03/21/2012

Yes, I understand this in some ways completely. I know for a season it is necessary for me to appear over protective in order to allow room for new people in my life. Its been hard and people will be offended.. but those who truly love you will understand. The only way to know if someone loves you is to be honest and see where it goes. I know that is hard especially with kids. But its because of the kids you have to be more cautious. I am actually just learning this in a real way... I was too trusting and though I believe the best and never want to become to the point where I figure everyone as harmful before I get to know them.. I do know NOW that its wise as a mother to take time to heal. Its not just for you, its for your kids. If someone takes it personally when you let them in and express their fear then you just have to see that they are where they are and be ready to just move ahead.. easier said than done. I know. I let someone into my life who I gave wholeheartedly my trust and it was extremely turned on me. That hurts.. but I encourage you (and myself and anyone who struggles ) to not fear what others think regarding your well being... get counseling (thats okay.. STRONG people go to counseling and WEAK hide behind those that were strong enough to step out) and focus on your kids. You don't have to TRUST everyone completely (my advice to myself).. you can love people by not hurting them as they did to you, but you don't have to let everyone in. I really want to build trust in my life as well, so it starts with me becoming trustworthy and building into the few relationships that truly matter. Its sad that those whom we SHOULD be able to trust (our parents, our best friends, our clergy and such.. ) we can't.. its isolating and fearful and no, you are not alone in this. The truth is that real things happened to you to put this fear in you and so it needs to be faced so you can be free and your children can have more of the good mommy they have. Every step counts (my mentors words to me).. boy... so true. No one has a right to invade your home, and disrespect you (learning as well).. people who prefer only to stand on the outside of the arena of your pain and snicker or wince are not the ones who will get to be close.. only the ones who are with you in it and speak to your life hope are the ones that love you. Truly I don't feel we are ever meant to have a whole universe of friends I am personally getting quite happy with quality vs. quantitiy. My heart goes out to you and I hope that you find the healing you so deserve. Its not fair that anyone should have to be put through so much fear.. Blessings

Jessica - posted on 03/21/2012

My little one is already in school. Early Head Start at least and even that worries me but at least there are usually 3-4 different teachers in her classroom at all times. I have thought about the nanny cam but I don't know where to find one for cheap since we are on a tight budget, I'll have to look more into that. I have talked to my boyfriend, I have told him my feelings and my suspicions and his response is calm and caring. He tells me that he understands my concerns but he loves her and he would never do that. He looks me dead in the eyes when he says it too. This isn't the first time I've had an issue with this, the first time I didn't get her checked out because I thought I was just crazy but now I am. The only thing is, I made her a doctors appointment and it's not until next month on the 25th because that's the next date her doctor is available. I'm going to see if I can get her checked out sooner than that just to play it safe. I'm trying really hard not to freak out about this but even my boyfriend knows I've been a little on edge about it. I would like to hope he is being honest with me and he hasn't hurt her at all ever.

Sarah - posted on 03/21/2012

i know exactly what you mean, sex to me has become like a chore, just would rather get it over with. you could invest in a nanny cam you know the ones you get in the teddy bears that nobody knows is a nanny cam, ok it might be a little far fetched but its better to be safe than sorry, that would put your mind at ease. have you spoken to your boyfriend about how your feeling, that might help if he could offer you reassurance. i know it prob wont matter what he says as its in your head that you know whats going on.

its something you will never get over but something you will hopefully in time learn to deal with, its taken me a long time to get to where i am now, i have a good man in my life who i trust fully but even with my daughters dad and any other guy ive been with i never fully trusted them. at least your stepdad is in prison, but it doesnt make it easier on you if your having flashbacks etc.

its really hard, i had counselling but it didnt help me in the slightest. i guess everyone is different but being violated in such a way makes you lose all control. its so hard to explain to peple that just gettinig out of bed is a strain and then when visitors come around you have to put a face on for them, its very exhausting. i guess for your childs sake you will have to let go, im dreading when she has to go to school, as i would die if anything bad happened to her, but its lifes experiences that make us who we are today. still that doesnt make it any easier to deal with xxx

Jessica - posted on 03/21/2012

Thank you very much Sarah. It's crazy how I changed when everything happened to me. To be honest I stopped caring about my self as a person and didn't seem to think sex or sexual acts were as sacred as they should have been to me. It's like all of that meant nothing. A virginity and purity wasn't something that mattered. There is truly no way to get over it. Events still play in my head now and then. I still check online to make sure he is still behind bars as well. But thank you for your response. I don't really feel like she is being more withdrawn but she is being more moody and clinging to me a lot more. Calling "momma" or "mommy" more than usual. It just scares me that maybe she is looking for me to comfort her because something did happen. I'm looking to get her a doctor appointment asap.

Sarah - posted on 03/21/2012

hi jessica, i know what you mean i was put in a similar position with somebody i trusted and i dont trust anybody either. i know its wrong to be this way but if you have been in a similarsituation then its hard to be any other way.

people dont understand and tell you to 'get over it' cos that helps so much .... NOT. i dunno what advice to give you but just wanted to reassure you that your not the only person who feels this way.

i think if your daughter was being abused by anybody she would have the usual symptoms and become withdrawn and moody and not herself at all, as im sure you changed your personailty when you were abused, i know i did and to be honest my personality has never went back to the bubbly person i once was.

im sorry i cant help you further if you need anyone to talk to im here xxx