at what age did you let your child stay the night with their father?

Amber - posted on 11/08/2009 ( 42 moms have responded )

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My boyfriend and I can not meet on the same page about this topic. Our son is 3 months old and he really wants for me to allow him to stay the night with him from time to time, so they can have bonding time and I can have a night off. I personally think he is too young to be away from home but at the same time I feel like I can't be the only bearer of the responsibilities because he had a part in it too. I know for alot of my friends it is like pulling teeth to have the father of their children watch their own child, but my boyfriend constantly asks to watch him and wants him to stay over night. Moms how do you feel about this? When did you first start letting your child stay the night with their father?

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Kimberly - posted on 03/09/2011

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I know this is an old post but it is exactly what I'm going through. My bf left me out of the blue and moved out in one day over a dumb fight. Now wants out 4 month old over night. I let him go every day while i work and the went to one night. He did that twice. Then this time I let him stay two nights. The ex and I were getting along and agreed to be close for our son. so i asked could i come over for less than 5 mins just to kiss him goodnight because i missed him so and this is the longest we have been apart. Plus we only live 2 mins away from each other and I have told him he could come by anytime he missed our son or wanted to say goodnight. I also told him whenever he wanted to see him just tell me and he could. But he got furious at me, cussed me, and acted like a jerk saying I was being petty, He said I needed to learn to make sacrifices because he had. For one he left me, two, he chose not to come visit when our son was home with me. I don' think I need to sacrifice since this was not my choice not to mention I'm being nice and fair and easy to get along with. Plus it was mainly because it was the first time gone from me that long. Is there a law in NC about overnights that young even if mom can't breast feed now? A lawyer told me it could go either way but a lot of judges wouldn't let it be many nights away from mom but still he couldn't promise. The idea of losing more custody scares me. We wanted to settled out of court but he keeps being difficult so idk what to do. I just don't want him to have him one week the me the next. That would kill me. But I dont want him to have complete equal either right now. I want him to be involved and have some overnights and lots of other visits because he is a good dad. But I'm his mom who carried him 9 months and almost died died having him due to complications that could have been a lot worse. I'm the one who has set up with him for 2 weeks straight while he was sick and his dad slept at his new apt. and blew off every doctor appt. at the last minute. Advice?

M3lisa - posted on 11/22/2009

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ok hi my name is melisa i let my lil girl stay over night at her dads wen she was 4 mths old i guess it was very hard but he is the father to its better bein civil not stubborn then to go to court n fight over ya child better to b civil as long as u know ur babys safe n he is a great father why not it will give u time to urself to :)

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Sarah - posted on 08/22/2012

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My situation is harder, and i need your advice. I was in a relationship for 3months while i was pregnant, but the father and i were not living together. He has been a good dad, he came to the scans and he was at the birth! I was very lucky to have him around, however seeing as we werent together long and he only sees his son once a week i have strong feelings about whether to let him have our 2month year old son overnight.... However, i want to be able to go out and i feel bad that my mum is doing everything... What do you all think i should do? Should i let Daniels dad at 2months stay one weekend, or should i wait a little longer..? x

Samantha - posted on 07/20/2012

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you say he's your boyfriend?? so y isnt he happy staying over in your house? y does he want the baby alone? thats always a red flag. u know yourself what this guys lifestyle is like, how does he treat other members of his family? is he a good man? u know if your child is safe deep down so base it on that.

Kimberly - posted on 03/09/2011

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I know this is an old post but it is exactly what I'm going through. My bf left me out of the blue and moved out in one day over a dumb fight. Now wants out 4 month old over night. I let him go every day while i work and the went to one night. He did that twice. Then this time I let him stay two nights. The ex and I were getting along and agreed to be close for our son. so i asked could i come over for less than 5 mins just to kiss him goodnight because i missed him so and this is the longest we have been apart. Plus we only live 2 mins away from each other and I have told him he could come by anytime he missed our son or wanted to say goodnight. I also told him whenever he wanted to see him just tell me and he could. But he got furious at me, cussed me, and acted like a jerk saying I was being petty, He said I needed to learn to make sacrifices because he had. For one he left me, two, he chose not to come visit when our son was home with me. I don' think I need to sacrifice since this was not my choice not to mention I'm being nice and fair and easy to get along with. Plus it was mainly because it was the first time gone from me that long. Is there a law in NC about overnights that young even if mom can't breast feed now? A lawyer told me it could go either way but a lot of judges wouldn't let it be many nights away from mom but still he couldn't promise. The idea of losing more custody scares me. We wanted to settled out of court but he keeps being difficult so idk what to do. I just don't want him to have him one week the me the next. That would kill me. But I dont want him to have complete equal either right now. I want him to be involved and have some overnights and lots of other visits because he is a good dad. But I'm his mom who carried him 9 months and almost died died having him due to complications that could have been a lot worse. I'm the one who has set up with him for 2 weeks straight while he was sick and his dad slept at his new apt. and blew off every doctor appt. at the last minute. Advice?

[deleted account]

Honestly my daughter is two has stayed with her dad three times. If you are that lucky to have a father that wants to have the baby over night let him. If you start the baby out while they are young they wont see it as

Krista - posted on 11/21/2009

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my daughter is 13 months old and she has never stayed the night at her dads house. as a matter of fact, never a night away from me yet. babies need the stability of being in the same bed every night, inmy opinion. there are plenty of other things dad can do to bond with the baby.. like food shop, read, dance, sing, park, swings, go for walks, walk around the mall, etc etc etc.

whats the big deal anyway? all they do is sleep and wake to eat

Desiree - posted on 11/21/2009

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My husband and I seperated when my daughter was 9 months old and we have had a visitation schedule set up ever since. She has stayed weekends with him within the schedule and its been really good for her. She now stays weeks and a month with him within the year per our custody and visitaion paperwork. Starting her early helped with her bonding with her dad. Most custody paperwork does not allow for overnight stays until after the child is 3. Despite him and I not getting along it was best for her. Its hard to let them go for a weekend for longer but they need their father too. So if its possible to have a caring father in their life go for it.

Jenerica - posted on 11/19/2009

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hi, I didnt start letting my son spend the night or even go to his dad's house (alone) until He was two. My reason for doing that is because i wanted my son to be able to talk well enough, so that if something negative was to take place i needed to know!! now days u have to be very careful because there is alot that we women can handle that men cant! Trust ur instincts on this one thats all i can say!!

Kristen - posted on 11/17/2009

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Quoting Amber:

at what age did you let your child stay the night with their father?

My boyfriend and I can not meet on the same page about this topic. Our son is 3 months old and he really wants for me to allow him to stay the night with him from time to time, so they can have bonding time and I can have a night off. I personally think he is too young to be away from home but at the same time I feel like I can't be the only bearer of the responsibilities because he had a part in it too. I know for alot of my friends it is like pulling teeth to have the father of their children watch their own child, but my boyfriend constantly asks to watch him and wants him to stay over night. Moms how do you feel about this? When did you first start letting your child stay the night with their father?



i started letting my daughter spend the night at three weeks. it was really hard but we're not ever going to be together so we will have to share time with her and i mught as well get used to it. she only goes for one night so it's not so bad.

Amanda - posted on 11/17/2009

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Hello amber my son is 2 an has never stayed over nite wiv his dad as he does not ask 2have him over nite,i think that if ur comfortable wiv ur son's dad 2have him an u know he will stick 2ur routine u should give it ago an maybe say that u will c how things go wiv him having ur son,hope that helps a little.

[deleted account]

babies need their mommies!! especially for bed time 3 months is old enough to know that mommie isnt around, i dont think my child should be away from me alot untill he can inform me of the things that he does.

Krystal - posted on 11/15/2009

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i let my son stay with his dad at that age and it was fine, just make sure you havea way to call and cheack in

Amber - posted on 11/15/2009

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wow, thank you ladies. I didn't expect such a large response. My boyfriend does watch little man during the day from time to time, and I trust him - its just having the baby away for one whole night away from home, regardless of who he is with, that had my nerves on end. I am truly thankful for my boyfriend and everything that he does for us, I have alot of friends that just do not have the same options or chances that I do. Our little guy did stay the night with him that night, it may have been stressful on me, but I know it was special for them.

[deleted account]

i agree theres really no reason not to let him. hell id pay thousands if it wasnt for my exs new wife my ex wouldnt take our son. so just be thankful he doesnt have some women being a bug in his ear telling him what to say or do. i would let him that way you do have time away for a night or so. it makes you look like the better person in the long run cuz there is no keeping the baby from his father. and its very rare to see the father want to take there child...so enjoy it.

April - posted on 11/12/2009

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First of all, do you trust him? It's not the age of the child, it's the trust you have in the father. My kids don't have the option, because there father is states away and has not made any contact with us. If he wants to be in the child's life, by all means let him. There are so many dead beat dads out there that just don't care about their kids. So, if you trust him to take care of your child, then let him take him one day and see how it works out. If everything works out, then maybe an every other weekend thing or something. Good luck.

Olga - posted on 11/11/2009

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wow... really i think you should let him. That is his father and it amazes me that he is the one begging you. Let him be the good father that he wants to me. Honestly.. not that many girls have that good guy. Well.. I started to let my daughter sleep over with her dad at 6 months of age. but we lived together when she was born and we broke up when she hit six months old. the first month i would say no.. i would tell him to come over but at 3 months I think its okay.

[deleted account]

My daughter has never spent the night at her father's and she's just over a year old. I don't trust him and he's extremely immature. As a matter of fact he just told me today that he's signing off on her because it's too much pressure for him to be a full time dad. As for your situation do you trust him? Have him watch the baby for a few hours at a time and work your way up. I can understand how you want to keep him home with you, it's the mama bear in us.

Annette - posted on 11/11/2009

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It was different for all of my kids. My 18 yr old started staying with his dad at the age of 7 and that lasted about 2 weekends.And he started living with him when he turned 18 yrs. old. My now 14 year old started staying the night with her dad when she was 4 yrs. old and has been ever since then. And my 7 yr. old doesn't stay with her father, because he lives out of state and I don't trust him yet.

Carolyn - posted on 11/11/2009

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hi my son has always stayed tonight at his father since he was 3years of age but dat's b/c i could trust him and i knew he would take good care of him but if u feel something is not right then don't do it u should discuss other arragements

Annette - posted on 11/11/2009

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You are lucky that your baby's father wants to have time with him, my son is now 18 and is just getting to know his dad, and no it wasn't by my choice all those years, It is real hard on my son to be with his father, because he knows nothing about him, and his father knows nothing about him. I get alot of phone calls from them asking me for advice now. I think that it is funny and sad at the same time. His father is seeing just how hard it is to have his son after all these years. I say if the dad wants to be in the childs life now, don't push him away you will all regret it in the end. I never kept my son away, that was his fathers choice.

Nikki - posted on 11/11/2009

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just let him have him, one night a week will do u good girl. u get to go in the bath and a the girls around for a chat and a glass of wine.

Shel - posted on 11/11/2009

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any child would love to be with their father at anytime at any age..if you trust your boyfriend enough, capable of responsibilities of caring a very young age child ,then the decision is all on you.

Sarah - posted on 11/11/2009

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i think you should let him take him. when my son was born his dad wanted nothing to do with him. Its an awful feeling. Its always good to get a little bit of you time. either go see your girlies or have a cosy night it. Its a blessing that he wants to take his son. Your very lucky lady :D

Rebecca - posted on 11/10/2009

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if u think he is a responsible father and can be trusted with the baby, then do it.. i am going thru this too my son is 4 month he has wanted overnight access since 10 days old, i will not let him have him, because he is into drugs and isnt capable of looking after a baby this age he does not know how to change a nappy, and gets fustrated when he crys.. difference is, that he is taking me thru mediation for it.he hasnt seen him for 2 months and expects to get it..

Kelly - posted on 11/09/2009

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I think its a beautifull thing that your sons farther knows a wants to have that important bonding time with his son, as a mother i know it is hard to accept but a father is just as equal in importance and has just as much love for their children. Exception of those dead beat dads that have no idea what it means to be a parent!!

Sheri - posted on 11/09/2009

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Quoting Kristin:

I know how you feel... im dealing with the samething only i have a daughter who is 15 months,,, by law they cant not have overnight visits untill they turn 3yrs old... they have to have supervised vistions... not my rule its the law....its too comfusing for the child and could stress them out,,,


well maybe confusing at 15 months , but at 3 months old they have no idea and if you plan to keep it a all the time thing then let it be routine for him  he`ll grow up use to going to sleep at daddy house instead of waiting till they do understand which then yeah it can be confusing

Sheri - posted on 11/09/2009

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i say let him its not easy for you but eventually you will get use to it, its hard to let go when their so young but you have to it will give you time for yourself also, you will be thankful in the long run.........

Karen - posted on 11/09/2009

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if you are not comfortable with letting your child stay the night at your sons fathers place then don't. i haven't let my son stay at his dads yet because i know my sons dad will leave in the middle of the night and have my son "home" alone. plus if your son is breast feeding it can traumatize him from going to having you there and not at all. honestly this is your choice so if you are not comfortable with you son staying the night then have you son stay with the dad during the day and see how that goes. until you become more comfortable with the idea.

Shauna - posted on 11/09/2009

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i agree to let him i had the same feeling tho and my daughter was 13 months it killed me at first but we all need a break to recharge our batteries pamper yrself on the night he takes the baby . ask him to reasure you baby is ok and thats the deal he can take overnite it does get easier and youl love the break just thank your lucky stars hes offering not many do . he will see how hard it is to .

Amanda - posted on 11/09/2009

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I kept putting it off too when my daughter was first born...he wanted to take her when she was only 3 weeks old. I lasted until 2 months and I finally gave in. The first time I cried and cried...i didnt know what to do with my self...I got her back the next day and loved on her and missed so much...the nextt time she went over I went out with friends and got my first full nights rest since she was born. I know its hard but I promise it gets easier. But you think anything will happen with your baby whiles he over there that will put him in harms way dont do it!

Krystal - posted on 11/09/2009

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Try to make sure you do what you think is right without outside influences. I know this is hard because I too have an over opinionated mother (that I love dearly) but I also know what is good for my son. Seeing his fatehr is very important. My son is 15 months now and I love seeing his face light up when he sees his daddy

Krystal - posted on 11/09/2009

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My son was about 3 months when I finally allowed him to stay over night with his father. His father had been pressuring me but I told him flat out that I was breastfeeding and that there was no way. I also was not at the point where I was ready. I finally had to let go and let him have him. At what point are we really ever ready to have our baby away from us when we dont know what will happen with him.

Elizabeth - posted on 11/09/2009

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my daughter will be 2 in feb and she did not start spending the night at her father's until she was almost one. if he really wants bonding time with the infant it should start lowly...start with leaving him during the day for a few hours and then move on from there. thats how i did it and its working great, i have every other weekend for me time

Stacey - posted on 11/09/2009

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my sons father just started being interested in my son almost a year ago hes 6 now..and wanted over nites right away..would you feel comfortable spending nite with a stranger? well i dont think i want my son doing that either..at 3 mos..your baby wont be forced by a court to have overnites...

Melissa - posted on 11/08/2009

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when they are having conversations with you so you know entirly whats going on! but my situation is different!

The Blessed - posted on 11/08/2009

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Hi Amber Its whatever you are comfy with. For me when my children can communicate with me ,we visit together or not at all. Some Men are not as careful as we are, I have a F-ed up imagination Where I would be careful hygienically they probably wont ,ill be thinking after playin up with some girl my baby gets up you dont wash your hans b4 touching my child I know im paranoid.8 time out of 10 baby ends up sick they blame it on you .while @ the drs one day I SAW A MAN CLEAN THE PACIFIER WITH HIS MOUTH Babies r too young to handle our adult germs

Amber - posted on 11/08/2009

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haha, I did just that - went home and went straight to bed and slept in for the first time in forever! It was nice, and I kept my calls to a minimum.

Amber - posted on 11/08/2009

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I let my son stay the night with him last night, but I guess I still have mixed feelings about it even though he is home now. I dont really know anybody in my shoes that lets their child stay the night with their father - so I guess I was feeling like a bad parent for going through with it. Plus my family did not support the idea at all. Everyone kept saying he was too young or that his daddy isn't responsible enough, but neither was I when he was first born. I just needed some validation that it was okay =o) Thank you Melissa!

Leonora - posted on 11/08/2009

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Girl let him is what I say!! You will get burned out trying to do it alone!! I pack a bag & dropped both of them off went home to bed!!! Some men don't want to be in their kids lives & what you have is a blessing so do not be afraid to take it

Melissa - posted on 11/08/2009

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if he wants to spend time with his son then y not let him? i know fathers that have overnight visitation with their kids from when they are newborn. its not going to do anything to him by being away from home. hes way too young for it to affect him. and if you keep him only with you, you will end up with attachment issues with him when he gets older. my daugthers father wants nothing to do with me or our daughter. and i wanted more than anything for him to play an active role in her life. you are lucky..... and u should give him the opportunity now while hes asking... you are only a phone call away if he needs help. :)

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