Babies father is a sex offender... I need Help!!!

Shameeka - posted on 06/25/2009 ( 8 moms have responded )

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When I met my kids father I was 16 didn't know any better and got pregnant and everyone was telling me that he wasn't a great guy and being young and naive I didn't want to believe them, I got pregnant with my daughter and all his true colors starting coming out getting mad for talking to my family and friends I almost lost my family because of them and they never backed down and was there for me.then I found out that he was dodging having to register we split up and he took me to court for visitation and joint custody, the judge denied him joint custody but gave him supervised visitation in a visitation facility but after a year of waiting he never did anything, I moved from Ma to Tn and he has called nonstop and harrassing me wanting to talk to the kids last month he sent me treating voice mails and text messages saying he was gonna kill me and my kids and my family he didn't care he was gonna come down here and nothing was gonna stop him. Now my 7 year old wants to talk to him and talks about him like mommy remember when daddy did this and did that. I don't know how to tell my kids about there father and why I don't want them to talk to him or talk about him.. Any suggestions?? I need Help!!!

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Michelle - posted on 06/25/2009

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I completely understand why you would not want your children to have no contact with him. But, you cannot make your children not talk about their father. This would only hurt them if you told them it was forbidden. This I have learned from experience. What I did is whenever my child brought up their father I just smiled and said I am glad you have good memories of you and your father and then I gently changed the subject. Once your child gets older you can explain more to them by telling them truths. Don't bash their father. Just strait facts. It is obvious it is very unsafe for you or your child to have any contact with this person. Have you gotten a restraining order also known as a order of protection. Save those threatening messages they can be used against him. To protect you and your loved ones. Good luck.

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Aimee - posted on 06/26/2009

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Nice! I am glad to see someone was able to give you some more answers! I will continue keeping you in prayer!

Cristel - posted on 06/26/2009

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If your ex is leaving messages threating you and/or you children go to the police it's still menacing even if he is in another state. After you have police reports showing a pattern of behavior you can obtain a Civil Protection Order exparte. You may or may not need a lawyer to this, it depends on what you feel comfortable with. As far as what to tell your children? The truth. You are thier mother it's your job to protect them, love them, not be thier best friend. I'm a single mom with two girls, my ex has forced me to make hard choices too. I have a CPO against him and I am always honest with my girls without putting thier father down.

Shameeka - posted on 06/25/2009

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I moved out of state already but because he has some what rights I let him know my address because he does have court order supervise visits in a facility and I didnt want him to hold me in contempt of court, But thank you for your advice

Aimee - posted on 06/25/2009

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You need legal advice now that I see he knows where you are at. Free legal aid is everywhere and if you ask around and search the internet , phone book, human services in your state someone will lead you to Legal Aid. In which case you will have a Lawyer who can answer the many questions you must have about all this. Legal Aid helped me in my time of need they can help you if that is what you are looking for. There is also moving out of state. But would you be deemed as stealing the kids from the father? Follow your Gut! As women we are strong! Chilbirth proves that!

Aimee - posted on 06/25/2009

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...also you will be answered with help about their father. You have guardian Angels protecting you. A suggestion: Keep feeling your fear and releasing it and at the same time keep faith and you will be protected. Emotion is just energy in motion... It will pass and soon you will meet more people who will help you. Do not let the father know where you are at. And if he does and shows up....appropriate time to get restraining order.

Love and light, Aimee Sitayin

Aimee - posted on 06/25/2009

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It is not bashing the Father to speak as much truth as you can appropriately, now! Only You know what will work best for you and your children. Does it feel right to go to therapy with them so they understand some of what is going on? A grounded therapist could lead you in the process of how to communicate truth to your children lovingly and without too much info. that would be overwhelming to them at this age. For me, I liked that my mother told us the truth about different things that other parents held off from their children. It helped me face reality and made me s stronger person. I disliked lies as a child. Most children do and they are so much more perceptive than most adults remember being as children. I have a similar situation with my babies father and divorced him. The divorce was finalized when she was 1. I wanted my child to have healthy role modeling from me as a Mother who made a challenging but appropriate choice in the given situation. I know that my daughter will be stronger and more balanced because of my choice. I do not know what I will tell her when she is older. It depends on what she asks about him and how I am led by my intuition. I have learned, after years of healing my own childhood wounds, that I can trust my self with this. To me trusting my self is so important as a parent. I am going to pray for you tonite and see you getting VERY clear about how to do all of this in the most loving, conscious way with your children. NO one but you has your true answers. Strength to you, Aimee sitayin

Shameeka - posted on 06/25/2009

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I tried to get a restraining order but they said that because he was out of state there wasnt much that they could do if he called me or anything and if i got the restraining order that he would have to come down here for court and that was just basically inviting him down here. Its not that i dont want him to talk about his father its just hard cuz after he will say can we call him and i try to ignore it. and I would never bash their father because he is their father and he is 1/2 of them, but on the other hand I dont want my kids to resent me because of their father and they cant talk to him or see him or anything

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