Courtney - posted on 05/01/2012 ( 10 moms have responded )
So, I'll start by saying I'm new here, and I'm looking for some support for the situation I'm in, and I'm really hoping I can get some feedback or suggestions as to what I should do.
I'm currently 22 years old, and 26 weeks pregnant with my son. My child's father was mostly supportive when we found out I was pregnant. (We had dated for a year, and grew up going to the same schools, being in the same classes, etc. so we knew eachother fairly well.) We had a bit of an up & down relationship, which continued after I got pregnant. He cheated on me once, I forgave him, and we were all over the place since. Regardless, when I found out I was pregnant, we had talked about what to do, and he agreed to man up, and try to make our relationship better so we could be a family. (We both came from somewhat broken homes, with one parent missing. Neither of us wanted a repeat of that.) I had also given him the option to walk away if he felt that he couldn't step up to the responsibility. He refused.
Leading up to where I need advice... we had been together up until a month ago. He had gone to my doctors appointments, seen the baby on ultrasound, and heard his heartbeat. And here's where the mess comes in... He tells me he's dating another woman, an older coworker who is 14 years older than us, (ex and I are the same age.) with three children of her own. (He had been hooking up with her while we were on a break that we took sometime before I found out I was expecting, and I haven't slept with anyone else, so there's no doubt that this child is his.)
I find this relationship that he's begun fairly interesting, since she seems like she's just a stable source temporarily for him. His roommates are leaving their apartment, and my family didn't have room for him to stay with me. He didn't want to stabilize himself financially to get his own place, so my initial response to this situation is that he's using her. Regardless of my opinion...
It has now been brought to my attention that my ex desperately wants to be involved with his son after he's born. But he doesn't want to pay child support, and he strongly believes I should let him be able to have the baby spend time with him, his new woman, and her children, (who are older, around middle school/high school aged, I might add.) And I've been told they're excited that mom's new boyfriend is expecting a son? I don't know if that's right, it doesn't really seem like it, but that's besides the point.
So he doesn't want to pay child support, and he hasn't helped me financially/emotionally/etc through this whole process.(I was sent to the ER at 11 weeks pregnant, was put on modified bed rest because of a threatened miscarriage. and I was out of work until three weeks ago.) He hasn't helped with the delivery bill, which my father's insurance has covered most of, which I'm thankful for, or any of the other emergency medical things I needed help with. (When I went to the ER, he was by my side. And he was being a good boyfriend for the most part, so he knew about a lot of this stuff already.) I really hate how this has turned into a situation regarding money & finances, but I was not under the impression that I'd have to foot most of this stuff on my own. I went back to work, and I'm working the hours they give me, (I work at Target doing stock) and it's not enough, even though my family has been a great deal of help. They're not made of money, though.
Which leads to my actual question, how should I deal with the situation at hand when my baby does get here? Should I let him around this new family of his with our baby, even though he cheated on me with her and admitted it? Should I just not talk to him about how to work something out? I know child support isn't negotiable, I have to file since money wise he hasn't been to reliable, but I really don't know how to deal with all of this. I guess I want to somewhat be prepared and have some options. I haven't come across anyone in my situation, and I don't know really where to turn for, I guess an sense of emotional help...
I had known this man for a long time, and I truly did love him. This pregnancy wasn't planned, but as I said, he had a "walk away free" card since day one...
Any advice is appreciated.
(there is also a lot more to this man than I've stated...I didn't really want to make a super long thread, but he did smoke weed on a normal basis, has a DUI on his record, as well as a domestic violence charge that was dropped when he was 19. I picked a winner, didn't I? *sigh*)
Signed, a confused mother to be.