baby daddy drama!

Stephanie - posted on 06/21/2012 ( 12 moms have responded )

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Ok mom's i have a lot of baby daddy issues going on. Me and my son's father split up almost 3 years ago when i was pregnant. My son's father was abusive towards me, i couldn't tell you how many times cops were called because of him. It is a on going battle with my son's father. He didn't pay child support for a year, worked underneath the tables for cash. Then income tax came around and he decided to go ahead and pay his back child support. Well it didn't last long until he was behind again. That's not even an issue i dont depend on the child support money. My husband has been there for my son since he was 13 months old, my son is about to be 3 in a couple of months. My husband is daddy, not because we forced it but because my son knows who takes care of him. Besides the point. My kids "father" went missing a couple of months ago for a week straight on a drug bendge with his girlfriend then he lost his job. A month later him and his gf got into a fight she stabbed him at his OWN house. He had to be life flighted to the hospital. Spent a week in ICU. He never ONCE bothered to get in contact with me those 2 months. Never called and asked about my son or nothing. Now he is making my life a living hell. He don't call on the days he supposed to see my son but yet he calls and emails every single day besides saturday (the day he is supposed to do visit). Accuses me of not letting him see my son because i wont respond to his harassing emails and phone calls . He thinks he is going to take my son to his house. I fear for my son's danger. My son doesn't know who his "father" is, he knows who his daddy is, the man that is there every day the man that takes care of him and provides for him. My son's "father" Slanders me all over face book, even started me a page.... wasn't he sweet. https://www.facebook.com/AccusedDeadbeatOrVengefulMother What do ya'll think would be the best situation to do as the moment...

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Blossom - posted on 07/12/2012

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If you're not reponding to him, that's good just keep records of his text, phone calls etc. If you have gone to court over the child support and visitation schedule, you should be collecting evidence of failures, to take back to court, so you can prove that he's not doing his part. He's not supposed to harass you you can put an end to that thru the courts as well. If this guy has a drug problem & you hav proof thru a police record or some other means keep that so you can give it to the judge. Save the FB page too, all of it can be used against him.

Kristin - posted on 06/22/2012

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You need to not worry about your exs threats. Document everything and I mean everything, times dates, calls emails, times he sees his child or doesnt show up when he is suppossed to, this will all help in case it goes to court. Ignoring him and being calm and pleasant and to the point is your best defence. If you do talk to him, just tell him you just want to discuss the child and thats it, nothing more. If he insults you hang up as no one needs to be talked to like that and the courts will not tolerate it either. If you fear for your childs safety you need to have an order with revised access and request supervised visits for your son with a social worker, until your ex can prove no harm will come to the child. In my honest opinion I would maybe look into getting your current husband to legally adopt your child and his sperm donor can go live his life and will have no rights to the child. I wish you luck

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Crystal - posted on 08/02/2012

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@Chrissyomari
My daughter is 6 now but she was 1 when they started the overnights. Because he hadn't been in the picture and she didn't even know who he was, they ( the courts) started his visitation as every weekend for 3 weeks of Saturday and Sunday him having her for 4 hours a day. After that they started the overnights. They generally allow overnights unless it is not a safe or child appropriate environment to allow overnights.

Christian - posted on 07/27/2012

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@Crystal: How old is your daughter? Just wondering around what age, they will allow overnights.

Crystal - posted on 07/26/2012

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Well said... the courts is the way to go. I don't agree with the court option all the time because this is what I went through and because he was the father, they just started over night visits with my daughter's dad and she had no clue who he even was. But your situation is different by him having a record of abuse, drugs, etc... Did you press charges when the police came out? If you did then thats proof he should not be able to have unsupervised visits, especially with the drug record. I pray this works out for you in the end. I normally always stick up for natural parents but there are some that just don't need to have rights. Document, document, document. Save everything so that it would be easy to prove everything when it comes time for it. Let him answer to the judge.

Stephanie - posted on 07/09/2012

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oh no i don't even let it bother me anymore. Well never really have. I know his friends and family buy what he is selling. But they are all idiots just as well! He will never admit that he is wrong. Yes his name is anthony aka TJ. Sad part is i am not even really keeping him from my son he is doing that on his own! Trying to make it look like i am doing it, saturday was his day to visit guess what no call no show! Sad story!

Christian - posted on 07/05/2012

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Please don't think I'm buying what he is selling. I have dealt with enough men just like him to know that they "alter" the truth to what makes them look better. I know that there are moms that keep kids away from thier dads for the wrong reasons, but I think that is a small percentage. Let deadbeat dads tell it, it's the majority of women. I knew he had to do something, I wanted to see if he would admit to anything wrong at all, but he won't. I wanted to stop commenting, but I couldn't help myself. I think its so great that you moved on and I'm so sorry that you are going to have to deal with Anthony (I learned his name from the facebook page) forever. I don't think he will ever "get it". I only know him through facebook for two days and I'm frustrated, so I can't imagine what you must be going through.

It doesn't matter what you do, they (his friends) and him are going to try to make it look like you are just looney tunes. I'm a single mom too, so I know that those little amounts are nothing. You have to do what you think is best for your son and I think you are doing just that.

But that group is FUNNY!!!! I had NO IDEA there were so many pages like that!

Stephanie - posted on 07/05/2012

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Chrissy - I emailed you on FB i seen your comments on that page. No he doesn't hardly ever see his kid. He hasn't paid child support for a year and a half straight. He pays for a couple of months then stops for a long time then pays for a little bit then stops. The 3 money orders for $1000 and $800 is him paying his back child support and he was only ordered to pay $200 a month, Now they bumped it up to $475. He lost his job before he got stabbed. He was on drugs when him and his gf got into it and when she stabbed him. He HAS put his hands on me. Why in the heck would my mom put her hands around my neck?? I wish i could find that email where he was apologizing to me for doing that. He scratched his chest to try to make it look like i did it. I had fake nails at the time. Every girl knows when you have fake nails done you can not draw blood. Cops made him leave my house. My mom was a witness to all that. He really is pyscho. He has lost his mind. Mind you my son is almost 3 and he said for a year and a half he paid child support. His dad only gave me money 2 times for a $100 lol. They are a funny little group

Christian - posted on 07/02/2012

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He makes it seem like he sees his kid every weekend? I can't beleive there are so many deadbeat dad facebook pages!!

Giselle - posted on 07/02/2012

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Ever need a place to discuss topics more in depth check out my FB I just started.

https://www.facebook.com/pages/Single-Mothers-United/401318573247625

Erin - posted on 06/23/2012

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Don't respond to anymore emails or messages. If the visits aren't court ordered then stop all communication. You have no responsibility to him and his life poses a serious immediate danger to the child. Ignore him totally. He is unhealthy for the child. If he wants to turn his life around prove it to a court of law and ween his way into a relationship with his son, let that be on him. he will NOT change if you continue to allow him to call, message, email, text etc whenever he feels like it. No matter what he does or says you should not respond. Unless of course he comes to the house and have to call the police. Seriously moms have to get over that feeling of guilt about crappy dads. You just have to sit and watch the kids get hurt by these losers. It's not worth it.

Christina - posted on 06/21/2012

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Hi Stephanie! First, keep a journal. Document EVERYTHING! Times, dates, summary of conversations, etc. Second, if he doesn't have visitation, and your the custodial parent, I don't think you have to allow visitation. I'd double check with your Child Support Enforcement agency and Attorney Generals office in your state to be sure. The "system" always want's what's best for the child (based on law and facts) and if push came to shove you could take your journal to the AGs office to show a negative pattern your ex has with his financial responsibility and his unsafe lifestyle.

Third, as best as you can, don't engage your ex in any conversation that is going south! LOL....the less you say the better it is for you and your family. There would be no "well, she said..." if you say nothing. I'd also place bounderies as to what is ok to discuss and what's not. Talking about your child is ok....his wanting to talk about you or your life is none of his business....of course that is as long as your hubby isn't chasing your around the house with a knife! LOL....just kidding! I hope this helps in some way. Take care! Christina

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