Baby daddy's girlfriend could be a danger to my baby girl

Amanda - posted on 01/11/2010 ( 38 moms have responded )

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Trust me I am not just saying this but i am scared to let my daughters father take her and here is why... his live in girlfriend has had her 3 kids taken away from her because she was caught trying to strangle one of them. He doesnt see the danger and we are always fighting because of this. My daughter is almost a month old and there would be no way i would allow him to take her around his girlfriend ever no matter how old she is.....Am I wrong for making him only beable to see her here without his girlfriend? And do u have any advice as to how to deal with him and telling him that he cant take her?

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Sharla - posted on 01/16/2010

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I am not reading all of the other replies so you probably already got this. But you can file an emergency hearing with the courts. It gets you to trial within a week or two. You will skip all the bull and go right before a judge and tell him EXACTLY that. He may extend the trial to supoena paperwork on this woman, but during that time you will have temporary full custody with no or supervised visitation from the dad. In these situations the most important thing is to act fast. You don't want to have the courts wondering why you waited if you felt she was unsafe.

Jamie (Angel) - posted on 01/13/2010

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OMG! You are so RIGHT! There is no way I would let her outta my sight if she was mine...You have to protect her if her father won't, no matter how pissed off he gets. And if you haven't been to court there isnt anything to say you have to let him see her, not that Im saying you shouldn't let him, but from a legal standpoint you dont. So if he doesn't like doing it your way tell him to take it to court, but if she really had her kids taken away no judge would side with him.

Kekua - posted on 01/11/2010

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you're definitely not wrong. I would see if you can get a restraining order against her and/or something specified that in visitation it can be only him or that if she's around it has to be supervised. Don't back down mama.

[deleted account]

You are in no means wrong for wanting your little girl not put in that situation. I would go for a consult with a lawyer (it's free). Not meaning that you are going to take him to court or take legal action but to know where you stand and what your rights as the PRIMARY care giver. It help me tremendously, my situation is not similar to yours in the danger or potential for abuse but just a father who is immature with not the best decision making skills. The lawyer I went to see said that before my daughter was 9 months I did not have to let him see her without me being present (I was breast feeding and often went to another room in the apartment when he was there, but I was still there if she needed me) I just went again recently and as the primary care giver you are allowed to control how often, where, with whom, etc your ex sees your daughter as long as you are acting in her best interest. Your situation would NOT be taken to court if he disagreed with you because no lawyer would take him. If he does not agree with you let HIM go to a lawyer and realize he doesn't have a leg to stand on. Also, personally I do not think proof or child services would be needed as she already is on record as abusive, or having violent potentials. Do what you think is best for your child and her safety and no court will disagree with you.

Jessica - posted on 01/11/2010

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NOT AT ALL! ---- if he does not agree that the fact she tried to STRANGLE her own child is a good reason NOT to have her around his daughter... then he obviously cant make very good judgment calls. Just explain to him that you do not want to deprive your child from bonding with her father... but do NOT feel comfortable with that horrible person around her. If he's at all a good father.. he'll understand. if not- take him to court, explain the curcumstances.. & get court ordered supervised vistitaions. But no matter what! or how bad he makes you feel! DO NOT LET YOUR CHILD BE ALONE WITH HER. you are the mother and OBVIOUSLY you're the only one with your childs best interest in mind!

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38 Comments

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Lisa - posted on 01/18/2010

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Everybody ha their own story....find out circumstances around hers and if she is unstable then stipulate that in custody arrangements and then its up to your ex to decide which is more important his childs safety or the roller coater ride he is on

Leeanna - posted on 01/18/2010

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You are not wrong! If it is documented by the Department of Childwelfare/Children & Famiy Services/Court that his girlfriend has had her children removed from the home due to her violence you HAVE EVERY RIGHT!!! As a matter of fact, because you do have knowledge of the history of violence and should anything happen (heaven forbid) you can be held responsible as well for failure to protect your chlid. If he wants to visit his child that is fine but she is not to be there peirod! It sounds like you need to go to court to get it in an order if he doesn't see her as a "problem" All it takes is once! Never second guess your judgement when it comes to protecting your child. Good luck!!!

Penny - posted on 01/18/2010

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You can NEVER be to careful when it comes to your kids!!!! I had a similar incident happen. My ex's wife left my daughter (3 at time) by the pool, told her to stay out of it, went into the house and my daughter got in the pool. needless to say my daughter was supervised after that!!!

Kelly - posted on 01/18/2010

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omg ur right, i would never let my children go either ,he wud ave 2 c his children at my house and on his own...........he shudnt even be questioning it

Nicole - posted on 01/17/2010

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Keep your daughter away from that crazy BITCH!!! Your job as a mother is 2 protect your child.

Dena - posted on 01/17/2010

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i am going through the same thing but she has'nt physical hurt her children jus emotional. but she came after me in front of her kids an my daughter , she has hit there father ,threw things at him, an does nothing but argue with the baby daddy and her kids.the only thing that is important to her is partying an what she wants. i have dealt with this for for a yr but he respects my decision an we keep it that way. but its hard cause he has had her living with him off an on since we broke up last yr, on new years.he has no babysitter while he is working so she comes to his house to get them off to school so to make it easyer for him she ends up staying alot an she has no car so he lets her use his.he jus kicked her out again ,cause they cant get along but he seems to always bring her back for convience. it kills me cause he is unhappy, but has no clue how to fix the situation.but i do whats best for our child if he dont like it he needs to make it right for the kids not whats easier for him.

Beth - posted on 01/16/2010

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Well your little one is very young to be taken for visits anywhere.. How does she nurse if he takes her?? I would tell baby daddy that it interferes with nursing. If you aren't you still have time to try.. Contact the LLL

Also.. I'd really look into his GF's issues more closely.. She may not be able to be around other children on a long term basis.. as in co-habitating with them..

You ad some great advice in some of these posts.. Trust your instincts.. Rule #1 in mommyhood..

Amy - posted on 01/16/2010

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No, I would not let my X take my daughter either. Hopefully the relationshipwith this girl will end soon.I believe that if you ended up in court the judge would consider what you had to say as she has most likley already been investigated my the state officals. If it gets as far as court and you have proof that this happend you should bring it.
As far as making understand your concerns that may be difficult but just keep telling him that you are willing to let him see her at your home or as long as you are there . You are the one responsible for your daughter and maybe one day he will understand but most important at least if you are there you know shes safe. Good luck I hope all goes well!!!!

Marie - posted on 01/16/2010

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omgers! i wouldnt leave her w/ them either hell i think your childs father is a danger too for dealing w/ some1 like this and we have seen countless times on the news ppl watch their child get abused by the b/f or g/f or the actual parent. anyways my son is 4months and i wont let him go to his dads not until my baby can talk and i can understand him. and when he is able to walk i think other than that hes too young. nope you're not wrong and frankly if he wants to take it to court you need to inform them that his g/f has history of child abuse.

April - posted on 01/16/2010

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wow! ANY woman that gets their kids taken away is a SERIOUS issue! States attempt to give the kids to the mother as much as possible. It takes something serious to get them taken away.



I would get a lawyer and see if you can dig up some police reports on her (most should be able to be accessible to you as they are public record) and then take him back to court to reestablish custody.



Not sure what the custody arrangement is right now but you could also tell him that he is only allowed to have visitation if he comes to your house or he is supervised.

Liz - posted on 01/16/2010

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i think the first thing to do is takee out an injunction out on her n the solicitor will contact any agencies that u tell them where part of removing her children to safety . as for the father i think if he has got evidence in front of him he may see things differently but most of all u have answered ur own question u know its the right thing to do is to allow her daddy to com and visit but if u speak to a solicitor they can help sort out contact n if u r on benefits it will be free but if u work and claim child tax credit then u may have to pay a small amout but i think any money is worth payin to protect ur little girl so be strong and brave and get her safety away from this woman sorted as quick as possible to make sure she does not loose the bond she is forming with her daddy xxxx good luck for you both xxxxx

Lenise - posted on 01/16/2010

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i totally agree with u.I feel any good parent who feels thy're child is in danger would do the same.i don'tthink u asking for to much by having hin see the child over your house.I also think u should sit both of them down and express your concerns.i think u need to talk to her and state your concerns about her and her kids,and ask her do she understand why u feel this way.Communication only makes the situation better

Karen - posted on 01/16/2010

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I'm in the same situation. Not because of his girlfriend hurting her own kids, but she would do anything to keep me and him apart and I don't think she would stop short of hurting my son to accomplish that. He only sees him at my house or his moms house, and he is not allowed to take him.

Stephanie - posted on 01/16/2010

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Oh my God, don't let her near your baby. He's got no right to take her and at one month old I don't think she should be away from you unless you feel ready. My son is four months old and I only let his dad see him at my house or at his mums house (minus the new girlfriend-and I am not going to let her be invloved in my sons life, as she is an awful mother to her 3 children and she was sleeping with him whilst I was pregnant with his son - something I don't think any woman should do to another). You are completely right and if he tries to fight you in a court they will undoubtably vote in your favour!! Stick to your guns!

Caitlin - posted on 01/16/2010

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I totally understand where your coming from. Don't feel bad about saying no to him. My daughters dad has a crazy girlfriend and I've told him multiple times she is coming no where near her. He hasn't even made an effort to cime and see her anyways though.

He needs to understand your reasoning. If he really wants to see his daughter he will abide by what you say.

Michaela - posted on 01/16/2010

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no ur completly right ur child could be in danger with this women if she can do it to her own kids she can do it to any child stand your ground xxxx

Elaine - posted on 01/15/2010

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stick with your gut feeling here and the facts. if you know for a fact she tried to harm her own child who could fault you for not allowing her to be around you child. good luck

Erin - posted on 01/14/2010

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I totally agree with you. Call social services and let them know what has happend. They should have record of her case and she most likely has an order against her to not be near children

Meosha - posted on 01/14/2010

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Do what you feel is safe. You have every right to tell your baby's father that he can only see your daughter alone. I have the same promblem with my sons father. My son is four months and has never visted his dad at his and his girlfriend's house and he never will. Do what you feel is right because your conscience and intuition is never wrong.

Bekah - posted on 01/14/2010

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My daughters father insists on his stupid girlfriend seeing her... legally she has NO right until they are married.. and if you have sole custody he cant take her anyways depending on access/visit agreements. If childrens aid has a file on this girl and he ever takes the child there call cas. Hes endangering the childs well being. I would strongly suggest going to court to sole custody and ask for supervised visits. You daughter is at risk with the brod being there.

[deleted account]

If she is a threat than he is a threat - for his lack of judgement. Get a restraining order pronto. Thatll make the seriousness of things clear.

Brittany - posted on 01/14/2010

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u be honest with im n tell him that his girlfriend is a threat to your child and that you will not allow her to come over unless she is not there. you have a right be worried abou your child. there is a serious issue on the table why she got her kids taken he should also be concerned

Trish - posted on 01/14/2010

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you are doing the right thing!..I am a single mom of a 4 month old boy..My baby daddy has NEVER seen my son but I give him plenty of chances..But I refuse to let him take my son around his girlfriend because she is still in high school and I do not know how she is around children..You give him the chances to see his daughter and he doesnt use them so that is his fault!!

Sabine - posted on 01/14/2010

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U are very right in what u say and what u do. If he does not understand that then i question his caring for the kid. This is a very normal reaction. U can tell it to him in this way:if she was caught on strangling her OWN kid, she is not to be trusted with SOMEONE ELSES kid!!!!!!!!! Hey, is he stupid or what?

Darnisha - posted on 01/12/2010

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3 times is more than enough dont let your child be the 4th your doing just fine until your child is able to defend herself i say dont let her anywhere near your daughter....if the dad is a good person and he is atleast trying then you can schedule times at which you would be able to watch her the whole time....dont work around your schedule for them make them work around your schedule if they are truly sincere......

Danielle - posted on 01/12/2010

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If she tried to strangle one of her own kids....what would she do to yours?

Danielle - posted on 01/12/2010

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Um she got her kids taken away from her for a good reason and most likely it is because she doesn't have enough patience to have had 1 kid in the first place let alone 3. You have every right to be scared to send your daughter over there and honestly is he won't get rid of the girlfriend so that he can keep a relationship with your daughter then he probably shouldn't see your daughter until the girlfriend is out of the picture. I think you are perfectly right in keeping your daughter away from the girlfriend, you need to protect your baby girl and he should see that that is what you're doing. If he can't see that and he resents you for not letting his girlfriend around your daughter then don't let him see her either...maybe then he will get the picture

Christella - posted on 01/12/2010

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wow no she shouldn't be around your child at all, she needs some serious help. I think that your doing the right thing.

Candice - posted on 01/11/2010

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you can say it...and probably should...but if he fights for visitation or custody, you're most likely going to have proof to stop it...or get children's services involved. just keep that in mind. but yeah...protective instinct is there for a reason sometimes...this is one of those times.

Alison - posted on 01/11/2010

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wow. do not second guess yourself there. i wouldn't let my kids around someone who tried to strangle her own child either.

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