baby on way makes 5 year old think i will love her less

Alicia - posted on 06/05/2010 ( 3 moms have responded )

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I have a 5 yr old angel who when she gets upset says when her baby sister gets here anyday now that I wopn't love her anymore. This breaks my heart and i tell her I will always love her and will love them both. How do i get her to understand this and stop saying this.

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Sam - posted on 06/07/2010

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She is going to need time to adjust to having someone else vying for mummies attention, I think the best thing to do is once the baby arrives even tho you will be feeling run down always make half an hour at the end of the day to sit down and talk to her about her day and what she enjoyed doing. Also you could get her to help with little things like helping pass you wipes or cream when you are changing baby's bum and this will help her to see that she is helping you and that you are grateful for that help. It might help her to adjust better!!!

Hope it helps xxxx

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Jeannie - posted on 06/08/2010

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I agree with Sam. Sometimes our children will have us to themselves and all of a sudden here comes this little person that they have to share with and they wonder whats gonna happen with them. They don't understand that just b/c it's just her and mommie now, when new baby comes that there is room for another in your life and she doesn't have to get less love from mommie. This is hard, and I think starting BEFORE baby is born to help her adjust. There are books on a 5 yr old level books out there that help in adjustment. Spend time talking about what the two of you can do together with little one when he/she arrives. Take imaginary adventures in your minds about what "Just the two of you" can do while baby is with sitter. But also explain that baby will need just a little extra time from mommie in the beginning and explain why. Yes, let her help!!!! This made things soooo much easier with my son. We even got a life like baby doll and at three starting showing him how to hold baby, change baby, play with baby, and he got really excited about having a brother/sister. It's a hard adjustment, and it takes alot of work for you both. Just be real careful not to get upset about the small things with her. For awhile let smaller things that you would normally get upset about, slide under the rug until she can adjust. I am not saying don't discipline her, just give a little more wiggle room so she knows you still love her just as much. Your "normal" discipline is going to be so much more magnified when she sees you spending so much time with baby, so make her more important than normal, show her how you NEED her to help. She will feel irreplaceable at this point and know you need her around. Great idea Sam in putting some time away each day to spend with JUST HER. She will start to look forward to this and it will help keep your close relationship in place with her. Hope this helps some, it's hard bringing in another child.

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