Baby's dad wants to get back together...is anyone in the same boat

Terri - posted on 03/26/2010 ( 9 moms have responded )

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Ok let me start off by saying me and my dd's father (Mike) never really had a serious relationship. We met on a online dating site, went out for about 3 weeks and he dumped me stating he was not looking for a relationship and had to "focus on his career" He then took his name off the dating site. i deleted his numbers from my phone and thought that was the end. well low and behold a month later i found out I was pregnant that was July of 2009. I tried to contact him via email with not response I had Gabriella on Jan 14, 2009, she truely is my blessing anyway that is when i filed for child support and the courts found him...not to hard since he has an 11 year old son he is paying child support on. So after the first court date he wanted a paternity test (understandable). So there was a paternity test done in August of 2009 which proved he was the father but the next court date was not until November and I still had not heard from MIke. Well at Court in Nov the court found that he had to pay me child support and he wanted to of course see her. He waited 10 months mind u. Anyway fast forward to present day. Mike takes Gabby every other weekend from Saturday and Sunday. Since he has been seeing Gabby he has been trying to get back together with me. However, I really have no desire and his minimal efforts just but me. See he lives about 45 minutes away from me and i refuse to travel...did that when we dated before...did not work out im done. People think I should give him a chance because he is Gabby's dad but really I dont see him making any real effort. I dont even know if Im attracted to him anymore, sure he is decent looking and at times I think about him but in general Im not sure if that is not because Im lonely. I know people think that it would be better for my daughter if we got back together so she would not always have to be passed back and forth between mom and dad but is it really better if I was just settling and I was not happy??? I know part of me has a problem with him because I really have not forgiven him for breaking up with me and not having anything to do with us in the beginning. I try to tell myself to get over it but guess what? It does not work. I guess the other thing that bothers me is that everything Mike says to me he says via text message, we never even have a conversation on the phone not in person. When he picks up Gabby it is hi, heres the instructions what time will you drop her off???? HOw could i even know if I like him. He says he is falling in luv with me...WHAT????....Are you mental...Now mind you I have lost like 30lbs from when we dated before so now all the sudden he is attracted to me or I am good enough to date. I know this really did not go anywhere but I really needed to vent and get some outside opinions and find out how all you single moms are handling things

Thanks
Terri

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Rethabile Thabi - posted on 03/31/2010

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Goodness!! You guys dont even have a real conversation when he comes to pick up your daughter or go on dates where there's just the two of you, so who is he kidding when he now says he is in love with you? The other thing i am itching to ask - has he now 'established his career'? Afterall he left you to focus on it!! He sounds like a man who likes the idea of committment but wouldnt know how to define it if committment sat on his lap. In my opinion and from what you have said there is no connection between the 2 of you except for your daughter - but you should detach yourself emotionally from him and find someone who genuinely loves you.

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Terri - posted on 04/20/2010

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Thank you guys for all your responses and for the record I am not getting back together with him. He just irritates me and the latest in this saga besides him sending me messages about if im ready to get hitched (to him) or not is just yesterday he pissed me off so bad when he overheard Gabby throwing a tantrum and he had the nerve to say to me "I dont know why she acts that way with you when I have her, she NEVER acts like that." I just told him that she is a perfect angel to those who hardly are around for her..yes i knwo it was bitchy but come on is he really going to judge me on muy parenting skills and expect me not to comment. OH and by the way in my orginal message i mistyped Gabbys bday is jan 13th 2009

Amber - posted on 04/01/2010

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Sorry to say too many guys do this when child support is ordered. They figure if they're paying, they may as well get sex and housekeeping in the deal. Most guys won't come right out and say it like that (if they're smart) but that's just how it is. If he really wanted you or the baby he would have tried this before the court order. Good luck, hun and don't listen to people who try to tell you to be with him.

Brooke - posted on 04/01/2010

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It's good to vent isn't it :)
I have learned that you should never stay with the parent of your child just for the child's sake. Children deserve happy parents. So it is never in the best interests of the child to get back together with an abusive or neglectful partner. Destructive relationships are unhealthy for kids. They don't need to see their mum and dad bickering in the hallway every day, screaming at each other behind closed doors etc. Even if things are amicable, if you're not in love with him or even attracted to him, you won't be happy.
Let him be daddy if that's what he wants. But stay away from him yourself. He sounds like a douche. Text messages, in love, what is he- 14?

Sophie - posted on 03/31/2010

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i kinda have the same situation exceept i didnt have the hole whos the dadyy thing or watever but my ex only wants to get back with me so he doesnt have to go out of his way to see his son or do anything but with wat ur saying iwouldn even give him a chance in hell ur happy by the sounds of it with ur girl and thats all that matters she doesnt need him to still have a good life im sure u do eveything she needs dnt let him get to yu stay strong and stay away u can find someone that loves u for u and not wat u look like regardless of the wight and love ur lil angle just let him have his sat and suns thats all he needs

Katherine - posted on 03/30/2010

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well my babys daddy is tryin to get with me ok we meet though a friend then we dated we got on drugs together real bad but then i found out i was pregnant and i quit doin it and he didnt i told him to please stop cuz we planned on havin a family together and i though he was serious well we live in my moms office and his dope smokin parents house for a long period of time he use to hit me and he has forced his way to have sex with me alot of time he use to choke me call me every names and i never once gave him any reason to not trust me and call me a whore and i was cheatin on him and i never left his parents house i had no where to go so i was stuck untill i found out he was fuckin other people and wouldnt stop doin drugs an still makin me feel like i was nothing i also found out his parents were cookin meth in the house i finally had enough i told him i was leavin and he pushed me up against the car with his hands around my neck and told me i wasnt goin anywhere and i definately wasnt takin his baby well i left when he left to go dropp something off and then he went to jail cuz he told me he was goin to shoot up the bar i was at and go take the baby then after that he came over here came into my aunts house and fought my uncle he just got out of jail like two weeks ago and hes tellin me he wants his family back and hes got a job and hes not the same person he use to be so i know how u feel i told him i couldnt deal with any of the shit we did deal with i also have a bf who just bought me a promise ring and told me he was goin to come back from basic training to marry me.... so do what u think is right i hope you make the right decision

Tatenda - posted on 03/30/2010

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Gal u wd be nuts 2 hook up wth hm!!if at all u dnt feel anythng 4 dis guy dnt even tnk abt dng it 4 the child-believe me it dsnt wk!!bng the baby's daddy dsnt gv a man rights 2 u!!!take stand-if he is really falling 4 u and u r feeling hm abit then take tngs slow and let him 'court' u-no sex 4 a while and c if he jst wnts 2 jump yo bones r he really is falling 4 u.i got back with my son's father twice bt all times failed till i stopped listening 2 his sweet talk abt us being a family,having ,mo kids,e.t.c and realised that i ws jst a convenience 2 him.i ws raising hs son,he gt clean clothes wn he came,a place 2 sleep,food,sex...i woke up and smelt the coffee and tld hm since i ws paying all the bills,he wsnt welcome at my place anymo bt he cd meet up with hs son sm place and spend time with him.weelll that ws the last time he saw his son!!!need i sya more..

Terri - posted on 03/30/2010

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THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR RESPONSE. I HAVE BEEN TELLIN HIM TO COME SPEND SOMETIME WITH US OR EVEN HE HAS SUGGESTED WE SHOULD DO SOMETHING BUT THEN HE NEVER FOLLOWS THROUGH. I THINK I PROBABLY MADE UP MY MIND ESPECIALLY THE MORE I READ OVER MY POSTS. IM SORRY TO HEAR ABOUT YOU AND YOUR EX NOT WORKING OUT. I AM GLAD HOWEVER YOU GOT OUT OF THAT RELATIONSHIP. I KNOW WE ALL TRY TO DO WHATS BEST FOR THE KIDS AND IT IS UNFORTUNATE THAT SOCIETY MAINLY BELEIVES THAT A TWO PARENT HOME IS ALWAYS BEST FOR THE KIDS. I THINK IT IS BETTER FOR YOUR SON YOU NOT BEING WITH HIS FATHER ESPECIALLY SINCE YOU WERE FIGHTING ALL THE TIME...THATS NOT GOOD FOR YOUR SON TO SEE EITHER

Melissa - posted on 03/26/2010

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well to start i would say do wat u feel is best for u. if theres no real connection or anything between u then u don't really have much to work with. and by him not talking to u face to face or even on the phone doesn't really say much for him. i got back with my sons dad because i thought it was best for our son and i also didn't want to have to do the back and forth with him. but after a couple of months of us getting back together things just went crap we would always be fighting and there was no love there. it was very hard cause i didn't really put my feelings first just my sons. and i think thats wat alot of people do. but we have since broken up yet again (that was like a year ago). and it has been a very hard year, he has asked to get back again and i have told him that i would never, a big fact is that he did cheat on me and got her pregnant..

it is a very hard thing to do, but maybe try like having days out together with your daughter and him and see how that goes, see how is towards you then...

i dont know if that helped or anything but good luck with it all and im sure in the end you will do wat u think is best for u and ur daughter

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